That’s actually NOT true. Some of us like children just fine, but have zero interest in ever taking a parental or pseudo-parental role in one’s life, which means that a relationship with a single parent isn’t going to go anywhere much. If all either of you want out of dating is dinner, a few laughs, maybe some sex, that’s not a barrier to dating single parents. But if either of you are looking for something more serious, then it’s counterproductive to spend time on something that has no hope at all of being that.
I married a single mother. There are plenty of guys out there who would be willing to take on the extra baggage of a single mother but they aren’t the same guys you used to date in high school. Before I met my wife I went on a few dates with other moms and they always seemed to be looking for a party guy which didn’t seem, to me, to be consistant with the mom thing. I woke up one morning in a woman’s bed and her daughter (who I didn’t know about) jumped on the bed to ask me if I was her new daddy. Some guys don’t like that kind of surprise, me included.
For guys who date a single mom, there are a few things to keep in mind:
The single mom you are dating has at least two children, the little one she told you about and the little one’s dad, lurking somewhere in the shadows, ready to exert his rights when you least expect it. He might be nice or he might be a dick but he WILL be part of your life if you get serious. The ex is a much bigger concern than the child.
You will never, ever come first. The child will come first, always, as it should be, but it is hard to get used to when you think of dating like you did in college.
Hard, no. But it’s not the best way to go about it. Single parents shouldn’t be introducing the kids at all for months, maybe even longer. From what I’ve read it’s usually 6 months to a year. Then it’s usually best to do something short with the kids the first few times. I can tell you from experience that young kids do not like to be left alone with anyone else if they can have one of their parents instead.
I’ve been single for two years now. I’ve dated non mothers and mothers alike. I have no problems dating a single mother. I would however suggest that you wait a few months at least to start dating, unless of course you’ve been separated for a few months now.
I dated one woman who I liked, but she did some things that would make most guys run, and I think that was her problem. She introduced me to her youngest child after just a couple of dates. She had been divorced for like 8 years and STILL bitched about how she was mad that he was happy. She also started to tell me that she wanted to be married again and that would make her happy. I ran from her.
So yes, guys will date single moms no problem, just be yourself and don’t bring the kids into it early. And you don’t need to even tell the kid, though at 2 they don’t understand anyway, that you’re dating.
I’ve dated plenty of single moms. For a dating man around 40 single mothers are going to be the lay of the land within that age demographic. Single mothers are perfectly dateable and mateable. The most important thing is that the people are compatible and attracted to each other, if so life usually arranges itself around that.
The key factor is not the kids so much, but how they are presented and woven into the woman’s life. Don’t feel the need (but many women do) to tell the man directly or subtlety “My kids are my first priority. They are # 1”.
If the man is not a sociopath this is pretty much understood from the get go. The need to announce it and emphasize it as a demonstration of your uber-mom parenting is breast beating foolishness. It’s understood being a single mom is a sacrifice. If you are going to make it big production that’s more than many men want to deal with.
Don’t go on and on about your ex. A man may try and be sympathetic while dating and many women see this as an opportunity to unload of dump truck of anger they have stored up. You really do not want to do this. Anger is a relationship repellent and while you may feel better having vented, it does not make you more attractive in any way, shape or form.
The key is (to be frank) how physically and mentally attractive you are in general. The kids are secondary as an impediment if a man is truly attracted mentally and physically to you. He will find a way to make it work. Being in shape is a huge, huge big deal. Being nice goes a long, long way.
Some women take a perverse pride that they are a handful and want a man to “challenge them”. By the time a man is in his 40’s he (or at least most men) really are done with this sort of high school nonsense. Making a man run gauntlets to be with you makes reasonable men drop out quickly.
As a final note I would suggest using match.com or similar in your area. Hanging out at bars, bookstores, pottery classes, grocery stores, sporting events etc. is mostly useless. Most of the men actively and seriously looking to date in your age cohort are online.
Re overall - read this. You can disregard a lot of this article but pay attention to # 1 - it’s solid gold. That’s what the vast majority of men want, and if they can get that and be attracted to you the rest all falls into place.
Why is this not doable?
Arranging for this sort of thing as a fully mature adult with a profession and a presumed social involvement, and social standing in the community is a lot more difficult than when you were younger. Getting the hookup is not the issue, it’s the “now go away unless I call you again” part that’s awkward, messy and complicated. This holds true for both men and women.
Sorry to hear about your separation Alice.
As to your question, single mom to single mom, it’s possible but not always easy.
Best thing to do? Get out and meet people, have fun and it will work out. If you’re less picky I’m sure it’s possible to get someone faster but from my observation of other single mothers I have known that doesn’t really work well IMO. Definitely don’t introduce too soon. I had some guys that pinged my radar with that, current Beertje did meet after a couple months and he acts more like uncle/adult in charge now and gets along great. We do things together but not always all together.
I used Plenty of Fish, mostly because they have general meetups and such which to me are preferable to reading profiles and going on endless dates. Look into Meetup, there are a ton of Calgary groups on there of all flavours, even just to have stuff to do with other families. There is s single parent and a general families group and some women’s groups etc.
Best of luck. 
ETA - I wanted to thank everyone for their posts in this thread - I have read all of them and appreciate the insight! 
Heh - yah, I’m hoping this is the case.
No, I don’t think so - well, I mean there was minutia about him that got on my nerves and vice-versa, but it was much bigger issues that resulted in our breakup. It was more like personal circumstances made it impossible for us to make the marriage work, and we did try. I still like my Ex and have positive feelings about him - I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. (And he doesn’t want to be married to me.)
Well ‘Till we’re married.’ is a bit of hyperbole; however, I really don’t want my son to have a bunch of ‘uncles’ parading in and out of his life. If he is going to meet someone I’m dating, it’s because we are getting very serious and considering taking things to the next level.
This was an awesome post astro- thank you very much - and this article is interesting too - FWIW, I really don’t think I’m angry about anything. I mean, I certainly have baggage, although it’s more sadness about my dad’s death (a huge contributor to the end of my marriage) than I am angry about anything my Ex did or didn’t do. Now, as I mentioned up thread, I used to be really good a dating - I do know that you don’t talk about Exs, or dead people or toe fungus on a first date. 
Also, regarding the ‘in shape’ thing, well, I’m not sure what that means anymore - I used to be super fit. I’m still fit; however, I don’t look like I used to. For a variety of reasons, my tummy never recovered after Junior arrived - specificially, I never recovered from my abdominal surgery properly and now the area is not particularly smooth or attractive. I guess I’m hoping that should things with some fellow progress to where he can see my stomach, he won’t notice because he’ll be dazzled by my tits, which are fantastic.
My brother is marrying a single mom next year. She’s a widow with a boy and girl both on the autistic spectrum. Talk about a tough dating prospect.
But he’s a counselor who’s worked with a range of young people with mental health issues, from troubled kids in the court system to traumatic brain injury patients. I’ve seen him with these two, and he gets them, and is good with them. He’s always wanted to be a dad, and ready-made kids are fine with him. He and she met on a geek dating site, and they’re truly an awesome match. It does happen.
To be honest most guys aren’t going to care if your belly isn’t smooth. From what I’ve read, and it applies to me, guys see the whole package and don’t get bothered by little flaws. My girlfriend has a lot of stretch marks, I don’t even really notice them and I don’t care. I just like running my fingers over her belly, and other places. I wouldn’t worry about that one bit.
As a never-incarcerated type who has a job and my own place I had no problem dating a single mother. No need for an early introduction but hiding the existence of the kid would have been a deal breaker.
And there is no need to strictly limit dating to every second weekend and Wednesday nights - that is what a babysitter is for. (Assuming you’ll have primary custody and those are the times the ex will have Junior?)
Yah, I guess I do have a babysitter lined up for pretty much anytime, so that particular restriction is false.
I’m a breast dude and I really don’t see what the fuss is about tummies. Mind you, few people of either sex wanna date someone who weighs 400# or something.
I like large breasts (or small firm ones.)
To me “in shape” means being able to walk Disneyland all day with nothing but tired feet. To walk up two flights of stairs without huffing & puffing. To be able to go on a pleasant day hike of maybe 5 miles total length (and with a rest in the middle).
p.s about that last line, the rules of this board force me to post “cite?”
Yes
Do single moms date single dads? Seems like there would be a natural attraction, with the child experience in common, even if the kids aren’t living with dad full time.
Couple of points to make:
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Firstly, guys in their 20s probably are frightened off by single moms. Still scared by responsibility, and probably assume that dating a mom means immediately having to play a dad role.
Yes I’m generalizing, of course this doesn’t apply to all 20-somethings. -
On dating sites, I frequently see pictures of women with (I assume) their children on their profile pic.
I guess maybe they want to be upfront about having children or whatever, but there’s no need unless you really are looking for a guy to fill a dad role ASAP.
You’re supposed to be selling yourself and it’s just incongruous and a bit of an attraction-killer to see a child there. It’s only one level away from having a picture with your ex on it.
Other than all that, I think most guys are fine with dating single moms, though I’d still say for many men it is a slight minus.
It makes it unlikely you’ll be wanted for a first relationship. But it’s the opposite of a deal breaker for single dads.
It complicates things…but it didn’t stop me from having a major crush on a single mom in my late 20’s. (This never went anywhere by her choice.) She really had no problem finding dates, and got married a year or so later.
Things that make a huge difference:
-How many kids? This probably goes as a square law…maybe not that drastic, but still not linear.
-Is dad in the picture, and is he causing drama/stress/hassles? Ex can be an issue without kids, but the kid(s) mean he will probably never go away.
-Is kid well behaved or a spoiled brat? Lets face it, you are not dating just the mom. This may be caused by dad spoiling kid when he has custody, or by mom spoiling kid. If the mom is doing it, then it is a deal breaker. Does the kid like me or hate me?
-Is kid healthy? Sorry, but it is just a helluva lot harder to volunteer to be the default daddy of a special needs kid.
-Is mom looking for a life partner or for financial support of her and her spawn?
For me, a man of 50, my thoughts are this;
Most women my age are going to have kids who are grown and have moved away or are in college, or at least very near the end of high school. The first two are not an issue. The last one might be an issue under certain circumstances. I don’t wish to be falsely accused of any untoward actions by a high school aged daughter in the house who doesn’t like mommy’s new boyfriend.
For younger kids, there are a lot of potential issues.
How many? One is fine, two maybe, three or more and it’s straight NO.
Are there any developmental issues? I’m sorry, but if she has a 10 year old with severe issues, this is just too much to ask of me.
Longer term, the behavior of her kids, her attitude toward both them and any issues with my involvement in their discipline may become a deal breaker. Let’s say for example the three of us are in a restaurant and her kid is misbehaving and she’s ignoring it. If I say “Hey, settle down” and she goes off on me like a bomb; I’m paying the check, walking out and leaving her at the table, regardless of who drove. End of relationship. Likewise, in my house, I rule. If your kid is misbehaving and you don’t do anything about it, girlfriend or not, I will. If this results in angry conflict, then it’s time to end the relationship because it won’t work out. (That’s a general rule in my life, applying to everyone. I get to say “hey, leave my cat alone” or “don’t mess with that” or “get your shoes off the dinner table” to anyone it needs to be said to, even if they are your kids.)
The voice of experience?
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It just occurred to me that my parents and step-parents all had kids when they met each other. It’s really more common than not.