Ok men, give it to me straight - does being a single mum make a woman undateable?

In My Humble Opinion
141

I was a single mom. My husband and I parted company when my son was six months old, he left for the other side of the country and there has been no ex drama (until lately when my now almost nine year old son asks "when am I going to meet my real dad :frowning: but that is a post for another time)

I had a few casual dates that didn’t lead anywhere, and my child was not part of the picture. Then one fellow I clicked with worked hours just as crazy as my own, and after a few dates I realized we had to be creative or we would never see each other. He was almost like a father with visitation, he had a mentally disabled adult (mid 20s) he “supported” Tuesday nights and alternate weekends. Many of our dates included my son and his client, we did family like activities. I felt completely comfortable with introducing this man to my child, I knew the protocols and vulnerable person checks for the line of work he did, so I felt safe.

We broke up after over a year because I wasn’t that into him, and he wanted marraige. Quite unintentionally I fell in lust with another man the same week. That had “breakup fling” and “never gonna last” written all over it, and he didn’t really meet my son except for in passing (and my son was only 3 then) until he basically moved in with us. Again, it has disaster written all over it, and somehow, I have made it work, my son and my partner are best buds, because of my shift work he has been there for my son at night and on professional development days when I am working, and we are a happy bonded family. My son calls my partner by his name (well initials) but sometimes says “Dad”. Sometimes I have been tempted to throw in the towel (I tend to react strongly to things that maybe need a deep breath and time to regroup) but the thought of breaking up our family and taking away the only dad my son has ever known gives me pause.

In my eyes my partner is my son’s dad. He taught him to pee standing up. He watches Sponge Bob with him (I detest that show) he plays Mario cart. I sometimes think I have made every mistake in the book, but somehow I found an awesome man to be my kid’s dad. And my best friend.

So, no you are not undateable. You just have to have high standards, and sometimes it is ok to do things slightly out of order.

142

I think you just overcame the single mother thing, with advantages.

143

I want to apologize for my earlier post in this thread. It was in bad taste.

144

When I was younger of course it was a turn off, simply because I had no interest in caring for kids at the time. Some women are a bit looney too, like this chick I just met talking about how I would make a great father for her teenage son(I was five years older than him!?) so needless to say I ran screaming from that nuttery.

Some women with kids too seem to be looking for baby sitters on the dating scene, they seem to be trying to trade a relationship for child care and that is never a turn on.

145

We’re close in age. I’d expect any woman I date to have a past, probably including kid(s). Frankly, if she was pure & virginal at our age that would throw up more red flags than one divorced with kid(s). Totally not a deal-breaker, but it can be harder coordinating schedules.

In your case specifically, the deal breaker is that whole needing-a-passport-to-go-on-a-date-with-you-thing. :wink:

146

I’ve gone out with a couple of single mums myself so its not a deal breaker for me, but have been told horror stories by friends who’ve also done so about horrible, badly behaved brats who’s actions the mother has found cute, lovable or amusing.

So for at least some men I’d say it depends on the kids behaviour in everyday life rather then when they’re on their best behaviour when the relationship is still new.