It is not an uncommon problem, for both sides. It also isn’t uncommon to take something potentially offensive to one’s self and go all the way to make it offensive to one’s self. A sort of pre-emptive strike: take offense before it can be meant.
Rereading the OP and his most recent clarification post only makes me agree with myself more.
Yes, Luna, and understanding the grammar of “inference” it was the reader that took that interpretation. Secondly, I don’t care whether fat girls are in a happy relationship or not (well, unless it is me they’re in the relationship with in which case of course I want them happy), it doesn’t take a fucking genius to see that there is severe peer pressure to not like fat. Not only that, but we are largely told to not find fat attractive by other pressures. So while I don’t doubt that fat people aren’t factually “leftovers” for everyone, they are for some, enough to make “truth in advertising” stick if you know what I mean.
For some reason, I felt compelled to post this link here:
Being fat makes you more stupid - but only if you’re a man
By Robert Matthews, Science Correspondent
(Filed: 02/03/2003)
Being overweight is not only bad for men’s hearts - it also makes them less intelligent, according to scientists…By studying the records of more than 1,400 men and women in the study, Professor Merrill Elias and colleagues at the University of Boston found that men classified as clinically obese appear to have significantly reduced mental agility. Curiously, fat women did not suffer the same fall in intelligence.
Check out the French movie : “la lutte des sexes continue” (the battle of the sexes continues) based on the book by controversial author Michel Houellebecq.
It is totally in the spirit of your rant. Two IT-types of guys, wanting sex, not getting any, and hating themselves for it and hating women in general even more.
Their stupid method of hunting girls (and whining if they inevitably got dumped) made me want to grab them, and shake them to their senses. I get the same feeling when reading your OP.
Take the good advice of Cephalopod (think, really think about what girls want, -its not overall the same what men want- ask your sister of some girlfriend for advice if you must, and try to provide what women want. I’ll give you a few hints:
-women want to be accepted, or better still admired for their looks and character; ( a bit of cynical advice: find nice things to say about a womens intelligence if she’s beautiful, and find some nice-but true- things to say about her looks if her looks are not her strongest point.
they want to have fun with you, which means to go out and do interesting and fun stuff with you,
-they want you to listen to them, be interested in them, and accept who they are,
-they want you to have some self-chosen goal in life and be happily on your way of pursuing that goal.
-they want you to be confident and state your boundaries clear and well in advance.
-and they want you to need them, and show occasional hints of that fact.
On a more practical note, follow the good advice of Slithy Tove, too (volunteer work)!
erislover we seem to be at an impass. I, and others, have called Rexdart on his rude, offensive comment. Once again, I don’t care if you, or he, do not like fat girls. It is the phrasing that we care about.
Lets look at it this way, what if I has posted a whiny, self-pitying rant about how I’m going to end up alone or stuck with some short loser. Or bald loser. Or geek loser. I would totally expect to blasted. The thing is, I would never post those things, because it would be rude, mean and offensive to short, bald, geek guys.* Now do you see what I mean? What he posted was mean, and rude, and offensive. I don’t care if the media/your friends/whatever has conditioned you to think fat=unattractive, there’s no call to be an asshole about it.
*Not to mention the fact that I have dated short guys, bald guys, and I even married a geek. And, lest you think they were "the leavings"or they were “the best I could do,” I was thin back then.
No, I don’t see what you mean. I understand the implication that he didn’t want to be with a fat girl. Apparently you don’t have a problem with expressing that opinion. He also doesn’t want to be with a loser. Worse yet would be combining the two.
I’d like to leave the whole “fat” issue aside and address the rest of the OP.
There have been times when I have been this close (okay, maybe it was just this close) to posting a thread in the Pit, titled “Sexual frustration” and consisting of just one long scream. There were times before the SDMB existed that I felt like standing in the middle of the street and screaming. Sexual frustration hurts bad, especially when something comes along to remind you of what you’re missing. So I understand where the OP is coming from.
I know what it feels like to go years and years without having (but not without desperately wanting) a girlfriend.
It means craving the physical release of sex;
it means longing for touch, for human contact;
it means feeling unwanted and unattractive;
it means feeling like you’re missing out on the greatest experience in life;
it means feeling envious seeing/hearing about all the fun everyone else is having;
it means wanting to do all sorts of sexual things that you’re afraid you’ll never get a chance to try;
it means feeling like a pathetic loser because you haven’t been able to do what everybody else seems to do, some of them so effortlessly;
it means wanting to have a family someday but feeling like that’s an impossible dream.
And it’s a vicious circle: the longer you go without getting any, the less attractive you feel, the more depressed and hopeless about the future you get, and the further you fall behind.
Now the good news: I know from experience that it doesn’t have to stay this way. My own worst fears have not been realized, and neither will yours be unless you let them turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. There’s been some pretty good advice given here already. Everyone has to find what works for them, but I do recommend working to make yourself as healthy and attractive as possible–physically, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually.
Oh, and you might want to visit a strip club or two. Seriously. I wouldn’t recommend making it a habit or spending a lot of money, but it can be a good experience: you get to see boobies :D, you get attention from good-looking women, you can practice talking to them, flirting with them, and getting used to thinking of yourself as a sexual person.
Someone quoted me from long ago! They did this to agree with me!
I don’t know you, but I think I love you! :o
Rex,
You’ve had some good advice and some not so good advice. Some people are late bloomers, it’s not a ‘bad’ thing. I myself was a late bloomer and am happy I waited until I felt loved and comfortable. I don’t like some of your comments, but I’m willing to believe that I’m misunderstanding you…just keep an open mind about different types of women being ‘okay’, and maybe try to have some fun? Being single can be fun, you can take trips, enroll in classes, join clubs and maybe learn exactly who you are (and who you are becoming) in the process?
Hijack:
Now, just to find that man who started the thread (can’t remember his name or the thread name!) about that sexist Axe commercial in which two female cops molest an innocent man. I want to tell him that I saw the commercial for the first time last night, and I immediately thought of him. Now, having actually seen the darn thing, I agree with his point of view, it’s a hideously sexist and stupid commercial. I think we should rise up and fight back against this controlling and sexist scent regime! Soap and water will prevail!
Sheesh, is it now neccessary to nitpick every little comment someone makes? He probably meant that at the rate he’s going he will eventually end up with something he is not happy with. He is allowed to chose what he likes in someone, right?
no, don’t you see, it is the way he said it, that fat people should be ground up into hamburger and feed to flesh eating bacteria and killed on PPV and raped by razorblades.
Oh, wait, he didn’t say those things, he said what World Eater said he said. I can’t take two steps in this thread without tripping over a cross or crown of thornes or some nails…
It is obvious that a fair number of you have your heads up your asses so far you’ll never see daylight again.
The statement has been made over and over again that nobody cares what RexDart finds attractive. He can fuck a model, or a fat girl, or a mule or a goat. Nobody really gives a shit.
It was the fat=loser thing that bothered everybody.
I will absolutely not be made to feel like I am less than good enough for anyone because of my size. Fuck that. I don’t give a damn what society says. I don’t give a damn if any of you find me attractive or not. Your loss, say I.
And I hate the generalization of what “men” want. I bet a lot of men don’t like it, either.
In a place that is supposed to “fight” ignorance, it seems strange to me that so many people are unable to understand what it was about the OP that bothered so many people in the first place.
And those of you in here screaming about people on their crosses are no better.
While I don’t doubt this was what pissed everyone off, I doubt that’s what was said.
Then I’m very sorry that you must be pissed all the fucking time. I know how I feel about myself being 40 pounds overweight, I know what people say to me about that. It’s ok, I like who I am, but I am not a supermodel, and fucking-a right for it, and I don’t expect to be treated like one.
Oh, yeah, you had nothing more to say but that, did you?
I think this is obviously true.
That an equivocation was made by a series of adjectives? Yes, that is hard to see.
The problem, as erislover has consistently pointed out, is that the OP did not make that equation. You may have inferred it, but to say that the OP explicitely makes that claim is simply false. “fatass” is an adjective, “loser” is a nadjective, and using the two words in order doesn’t imply that they mean the same thing. If I say “I don’t want a little, red wagon” that does not mean that “red=little”.
Forget about a skinny woman, I just want one who understands grammar.
Well it seems as of late that fighting ignorance means nitpicking over every little comment that could mildly offend someone in the slightest bit, or getting in a twist about something the OP never implied!
I have no problem with that not being what he meant in the OP. While I’m glad Rex came along and clarified what he was saying, I really think it was an attempt to backpedal and avoid the flamings he’s gotten in the past for his views on “fat” people.
I don’t go around pissed off all the time. I don’t expect to be treated like a super-model. What, exactly, is being treated like a supermodel, anyway? All the men I’ve ever dated have treated me like gold. Am I supposed to somehow feel bad because I’m NOT thin? I certainly am attractive. How you feel about yourself and how I feel about myself are two very obviously different things. I suppose I can infer that YOU DO go around pissed off every day because you’re carrying around 40 extra pounds. Still, that’s you and not me.
You can say all you want about what was meant in the OP. The fact that people, including myself, inferred a certain meaning is irrelevant. It’s a message board. There’s time to re-read to make sure you’re not making an inflammatory remark or, being as this is the pit and inflammatory remarks are okay, there’s time to make sure that what you’ve written is what you MEAN to say.
Yeah, Amok’s right about erislover being right about what RexDart said (which RexDart himself did clarify, actually).
BUT the other contingent (to my understanding) isn’t still arguing that RexDart equates “fat” with “loser.” They’re just trying to explain that that’s what was bothersome in the first place. From what I can tell.
Eh, crap. Jessica2 said it herself already.
Anyway, erislover is also right that it’s really not worth arguing about. It’s a little thing that got blown up. Nobody here is really in the wrong.
Well I for one don’t plan to post on eggshells because of people like you, because it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. What’s the point of rereading it to ensure political correctness, when you and your tight assed ilk will wrench it out of context, and add implication where none existed?
I love it. An out and out statement saying that he plans on making no effort to not offend people. Lovely.
And I’d say there’s consensus that, whether or not RexDart meant it, there were some comments in the OP that could be interpreted as offensive. You disagree?
Oh, come on. You are seriously trying to say that the OP had no touch of anti-fat sentiments? Give me a break.
RexDart has a rich history of anti-fat angst. We can (and have) found examples of it on previous threads. There’s a difference between “anti-fat” and “not attracted to certain body types but big deal, who doesn’t”. RexDart’s OP showed more than a few examples of “anti” and you have to be deliberately dense to not pick up on it. There was no reason for him to repeat all the shit about “fatass” this and “fat chick” that, but he did. Because he’s got “issues” with fat that are far from neutral. And I suspect he’s not the only one here that does.
Had this been a rant that included some comments about people of a certain race, or a handicap, I doubt many of you would be rushing to Rex’s defense. But fatness is a different matter, isn’t it?
