Ok, so I saw your boobs twice...

[Bongmaster]

Rex, here are the solutions to your problems:

1. Diet
2. Exercise
3. Hi Opal!
4. Stop thinking of women as unattainable goddesses

Number 4 is the biggest thing, it sounds like women indimidate you to some degree, very common (same with me too at times). The way I have always dealt with it, and this will sound cold, but really just throw out all the ideas of being nice. As much as girls like to say that they like nice guys, they don’t. They like assholes, at least when it comes to picking them up. Now there’s a way to approach this…being a complete dick, cursing and yelling won’t help. But rather observe an asshole friend of yours and the way he interacts with women. They are not the center of his universe. They are secondary, not of immediate concern to him. There are lots of little things going on there, I am no expert, but certainly you can see that certain types of guys get women that way, more often than you and I might being nice. Keep that stuff in mind and don’t forget the diet and exercise…if you look really good it will raise both your confidence and sex appeal.

[Jessity]

*Originally posted by World Eater *
**Well I for one don’t plan to post on eggshells because of people like you, because it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. What’s the point of rereading it to ensure political correctness, when you and your tight assed ilk will wrench it out of context, and add implication where none existed? **

Neither am I tight assed nor am I wrenching anything out of context. Go re-read the OP and see if you can HONESTLY not understand what could be offensive about it. You act as if I’m trying to say the sky is neon green in the face of someone saying it’s blue.

You and I both know what’s offensive about it, and we both know why.

And upon preview, yosemitebabe is dead-on (once again).

[World_Eater]

*Originally posted by LaurAnge *
I love it. An out and out statement saying that he plans on making no effort to not offend people. Lovely.

Well I’ve never been pitted, had major disagreements, made racist or what could be perceived as racist comments, picked on midgets, etc, so I don’t think my lack of effort will affect anything. I just don’t plan to pick through my posts to censor comments that the fringe could consider insensitive. Got that?

[World_Eater]

*Originally posted by Jessica2 *
**Neither am I tight assed nor am I wrenching anything out of context. Go re-read the OP and see if you can HONESTLY not understand what could be offensive about it. You act as if I’m trying to say the sky is neon green in the face of someone saying it’s blue.

You and I both know what’s offensive about it, and we both know why.

And upon preview, yosemitebabe is dead-on (once again). **

Let’s take a look.

Originally posted by Redart ***
There’s no hope for me. I’m gonna be the 30-something moron who falls for the first fatass loser girl who pays more than a dime’s worth of attention to me, obsess over her, and then be left penniless when she divorces me in my forties*

I can see how you are offended, I guess technically the words are in the correct order, I just don’t understand why you are offended.

[RexDart]

*Originally posted by erislover *
**That an equivocation was made by a series of adjectives? Yes, that is hard to see. **

Indeed. I made the precise point in my second post to this thread (near the bottom of page 2, I believe) that a series of adjectives connected by the word “or” does not constitute an assertion that all those attributes are equal. I never said “fat=loser” and the common construction of the English language doesn’t even imply it. Some people just wanted so badly to have something to be angered about that they read it into my posts so they could lash out. Hey, if that’s what makes ya happy, knock yourself out.

And anyone still complaining about the whole “fat” issue should go back and read my explanatory post at the bottom of page 2 where I clarified a few things.

[Lady_of_the_Lake]

*Originally posted by Bongmaster *
** As much as girls like to say that they like nice guys, they don’t. They like assholes, at least when it comes to picking them up. **

Wow. You know, in this context, I guess it’s okay to mass generalize! Too bad for those misguided ‘ignorance fighting SBMB renegades’ who try to convince us that stereotypes are kind of bad! They meant racial stereotypes, I’m sure. They must not mind huge gender generalizations which lumps half the earths population into a nice boxed mind set…

[World_Eater]

Apparently as soon as one fire is put out, another begins.

[erislover]

*Originally posted by Jessica2 *
I don’t go around pissed off all the time. I don’t expect to be treated like a super-model. What, exactly, is being treated like a supermodel, anyway?

Well, I would imagine it means being looked upon favorably for superficial qualities (i.e. - the ones supermodels have).

Am I supposed to somehow feel bad because I’m NOT thin?

No.

I suppose I can infer that YOU DO go around pissed off every day because you’re carrying around 40 extra pounds. Still, that’s you and not me.

Well, you would have to totally ignore what I said about it to infer that, but I suppose you could. I pointed it out to say that I know what people say about me being overweight.

You can say all you want about what was meant in the OP. The fact that people, including myself, inferred a certain meaning is irrelevant.

It’s the whole argument, really.

It’s a message board. There’s time to re-read to make sure you’re not making an inflammatory remark or, being as this is the pit and inflammatory remarks are okay, there’s time to make sure that what you’ve written is what you MEAN to say.

It seems he said exactly what he meant to. In fact, I know how he feels. Until very recently I had given up hope for myself as well. Had not a much more engaging line of thought come up in here I would have even said that sooner. I know how he feels, it fucking sucks, and you feel your only options left are to compromise on qualities you wouldn’t like to (nevermind that even granting such a compromise wouldn’t resolve the problem of feeling destined to be single).

yosemitebabe
You are seriously trying to say that the OP had no touch of anti-fat sentiments?

I don’t think World Eater did, but that’s a whole new argument, now, isn’t it? Shall we begin?

RexDart’s OP showed more than a few examples of “anti” and you have to be deliberately dense to not pick up on it.

I counted the word “fat” once in the OP. His history is outside my understanding, unfortunately. Perhaps I’ll have to take your word for it.

There was no reason for him to repeat all the shit about “fatass” this and “fat chick” that, but he did.

There was no reason to think this, but you did.

Had this been a rant that included some comments about people of a certain race, or a handicap, I doubt many of you would be rushing to Rex’s defense. But fatness is a different matter, isn’t it?

I might, depending, and yes it is a different matter.

Jessica2 again
You and I both know what’s offensive about it, and we both know why.

Yes, I know why you think it is offensive. No, I don’t know why you still think it is offensive. I very much enjoy Amok’s example. Can you please explain to me how little=red from his post? Perhaps that is less charged for both of us and we can approach it more openly, without you suspecting we’re only—what did you say?—backpedalling.

LaurAnge
And I’d say there’s consensus that, whether or not RexDart meant it, there were some comments in the OP that could be interpreted as offensive. You disagree?

I agree there was some consensus. I think they’re wrong. Perhaps in light of some dark past RexDart has with respect to fatness then I might be swayed, but even granting that, the OP held no attack on fat people, unless you suppose “I don’t want to be in a sexual relationship with a fat person” is an attack, in which case I don’t know what to say, I have no argument against such an opinion.

[Maastricht]

.sidestepping the fat-discussion…

A slight and lenghty hijack…

I know the rants like RexDarts’s come up on the SDMB quite often, but it is still new to me to see such a primal feeling so eloquently worded. Its like I, female, can eavesdrop on a boy-to-boy conversation, and still find that fascinating.

I have not said all I wanted to say in my last post. I wanted to give Rexdart advice because he seemed to make both himself unhappy, and he was scaring away the future mrs RexDart with that attitude. …that’s why I stepped in and threw in my two cents worth.

Now a more personal story.

Up until 35 years old, sex to me was kind of a chore. Sure, if I was in love touching “him” would feel electric, but somehow there were more Watts going on if my hand “accidentally” touched his before the feelings were outspoken, then if we would lie naked together. Sex was just something I did, it was part of a relationship if the relationship was important to me in other ways. Sex was something I wanted to be good at. Sex was forbidden, and it seemed to give me power over men, so I was hugely interested in it as a study object.

But had I been honest, choosing between sex and chocolatemousse would only be tough if I had to take the calories into account. And even given the calories I would definately go for the mousse, anytime.

At 22, I met my SO and our personalities fit together perfectly. The sex was no problem, but no perk either…about as nice as yoghurt. Without sugar.

Then I turned 35 and around that time, I got a lover. For the first time, sex felt really good. We had sex maybe 15 times, and it was sex like you see in movies when the screen goes all steamy. Sex so damn good I wouldn’t have traded it for all the chocolate in Switzerland. It was not real love, it was sex, just plain physical compatibility.
Then my lover turned out to be impossible to live with, even just for the affair, (don’t ask) and we broke up. That was a year ago.

And ever since, I lost my cool. God punishes adultery in funny ways and the universe is sadistic. I think about sex far too much, and my daydreaming distracts me from my other interests. It interferes with my concentration at work. I see attractive men, and I feel insecure and a dirty old woman just for fantasizing to touch them. I feel vulnerable knowing they have the power to reject me. I hate them (only fleetingly, but still) for (maybe?) not wanting me the way I want them to want me….

In short, I feel the sexual frustration most men must have felt and feel every day. And after one year of hoping it would vanish spontaneously, I have not yet learned to cope with it. I even have wished (for a fundamentalist split-second) that a particularly attractive young man (he got under my skin because he flirted with me) I have to meet often would wear some kind of head-to-toe-burqua, just for my peace of mind. I’m not proud of that….

Men, you have my deep sympathy. Ever since my own awakened sexual frustration, I have discreetly asked men if they would switch their sexual appetites to “OFF”if they could. 1*) I definately would!!! Its just not worth it.
But then, to my surprise, most men said they had learned to enjoy their sexual appetites, just by looking and fantasizing. That I found really admirable, but a trifle hard to believe, too.

Another friend of mine lost his libido for 3 months because he was on anti-depressants. I asked him if his was not a preferrable, peaceful state of mind. (He sometimes laments about getting enough sex, too). “No”, he said vehemently. He did not feel peaceful, he felt dead.
Even my advice to relish this state of mind as an unique insight into the female state of mind, could not console him.

How do you men learn to control yourself? Does it take the whole nine years from 14 to 23? I get miserable when I even think this will continue for another year… I want my cool back!

Now if it was only me… but I distinctly remember Masters & Johnson saying that a lot of women do not really awake sexually until midway down their thirties. Thats right, after they lose the first attraction of youth. Isn’t that sadistic or what!

**My point? I can tell now from my own experience that sexual frustration is not fun. Of course it does not deserve instant gratification, but it certainly does not merit the female scorn it often gets, either. **

1*) from my new personal experience, I would say that the way and amount men think about sex can only be compared to women obsessing over (and worrying about) their looks.

[Tee]

*Originally posted by Maastricht *
**Now if it was only me… but I distinctly remember Masters & Johnson saying that a lot of women do not really awake sexually until midway down their thirties. Thats right, after they lose the first attraction of youth. Isn’t that sadistic or what! **

That made me nervous. I have visions of going beserk one day and chasing after the mailman.

That wouldn’t happen. Right?

[Lobsang]

I am quite happy to see virtual boobs, on computer and tv screens, and behind tight clothing, and threads about boobs, and the word ‘boobs’

[Maastricht]

originally posted by Tee

That made me nervous. I have visions of going beserk one day and chasing after the mailman.

originally posted by Tee

…and thus living up to all those lame old milkman-jokes…
Are you being serious here, Tee?

[Biggirl]

See eris, I think you are taking out the meaning put directly into the OP’s words.

There’s no hope for me. At best, I’m gonna be the 30-something moron who falls for the first fatass loser girl who pays more than a dime’s worth of attention to me, obsess over her, and then be left penniless when she divorces me in my forties

He’s upset that he may fall for a 1)fatass and 2)loser. This is where I see his projection and his equating fat with unworthiness. Everyone can see why being falling for a loser is bad because loser=unworthiness. My objection comes from his horror that he may fall in love with a fatass. He is equating falling in love with a fat woman to falling in love with someone unworthy.

My read is not fatass=loser but loser=unworthy of love and fatass equals unworthy of love.

[Maastricht]

…I mean, not serious as in “will lurk near postbox to jump mailman” but as in “can imagine being less independent and cool someday about sexuality then she is now”? If so, you got my point perfectly.

Maastricht goes to bed and will be back in the morning, after feeding the cat and doing a looming huge stack of dishes

[Maastricht]

…I mean, not serious as in “will lurk near postbox to jump mailman” but as in “can imagine being less independent and cool someday about sexuality then she is now”? If so, you got my point perfectly.

Maastricht goes to bed and will be back in the morning, after feeding the cat and doing a huge stack of dishes.

[Tee]

Oh no, I was serious. As in…I’m not one to choose the chocolate mousse very often as it is, and 35 is a few years away yet.

Being less independent would be kind of scary… :o

[Ms2001]

Originally posted by Biggirl
He’s upset that he may fall for a 1)fatass and 2)loser. This is where I see his projection and his equating fat with unworthiness. Everyone can see why being falling for a loser is bad because loser=unworthiness. My objection comes from his horror that he may fall in love with a fatass. He is equating falling in love with a fat woman to falling in love with someone unworthy.

The way I read it, his horror comes from the possibility that he may have to compromise on something important to him in order to have any kind of relationship.

[erislover]

*Originally posted by Biggirl *
My read is not fatass=loser but loser=unworthy of love and fatass equals unworthy of love.

That was also my read, and I do disagree with that, but as a personal matter I’m not about to get upset because someone may not be attracted to someone else. YMMV, of course. I’m always willing to listen.

[Jessity]

*Originally posted by erislover *
**Yes, I know why you think it is offensive. No, I don’t know why you still think it is offensive. I very much enjoy Amok’s example. Can you please explain to me how little=red from his post? Perhaps that is less charged for both of us and we can approach it more openly, without you suspecting we’re only—what did you say?—backpedalling.
**

Okay. . . I don’t think YOU are backpedalling. I think REX was backpedalling. Even though I think he WAS backpedalling, I did say I appreciated him clarifying what he meant. I’m not STILL upset over his OP. I think it’s sad that he feels this way. I think it’s sad that he feels like he is a loser. Yes, I have been in his shoes. That attitude has to change.

Why couldn’t I have had the opportunity to live the typical life? I’m going to be single and in my late 20’s, and all the available girls will be either fat or psycho and probably won’t want me anyways

Pretty clear distinction between fat and psycho there. Either fat, OR psycho.

I’m gonna be the 30-something moron who falls for the first fatass loser girl who pays more than a dime’s worth of attention to me,

Not so clear. Not fatass OR loser.

“the little**,** red wagon”
The wagon is little. The wagon is red. The wagon is little AND red.

“fatass loser girl” … The girl is a fatass? The girl is a loser? The loser is fatass? The fatass is loser? The fatass girl is a loser? The loser girl is a fatass? Throw a comma in there and there would’ve been no argument over what “fatass loser girl” meant.

This IS pointless to argue, as you pointed out earlier. As Biggirl said:

This is where I see his projection and his equating fat with unworthiness. Everyone can see why being falling for a loser is bad because loser=unworthiness. My objection comes from his horror that he may fall in love with a fatass. He is equating falling in love with a fat woman to falling in love with someone unworthy.

And I agree with that.

[RexDart]

Maastricht, your story was very interesting. Thanks for sharing it. I too have considered the question, would I turn off sexual desire if I had the choice. The question is what’s better: an unfulfilled desire, or no desire? I don’t think I have the answer, but I enjoyed pondering it, thanks.