Ah. But that isn’t what he said. He said he fears falling for a fat girl, not settling for a fat girl. Very, very big difference.
No, THAT post was pathetically sad – either if it was serious, or if it’s a deliberate attempt to further mess with our OP boy’s mind by insinuating that the mainstream out there is living a veritable blizzard of boob-access and “willing women to fuck” . Really, now. It’s not like it’ll fall off if you don’t stick it somewhere by your early 20s, and there is no law or commandment to hurry up to get it on. Besides there IS a “scarcity”, in the economic sense, of w.w.t.f. just because they are not all, everywhere and every time, in the same places at the same times as we are.
As for beign 24, geez, he’s barely getting started, really.
And Maastricht, that was a fascinating insight on a reverse-from-stereotype chronology of sexual “awakening”. By reverse, meaning the stereotype is that, male OR female, the time for damn-the-consequences wild passion is adolescence, and with age comes better ability to manage it responsibly (or at least, quietly!). It’s not just males who “learn to control it” in early adulthood, it’s everyone. M&J said the average women’s “sexual peak” is in their 30s but that does not = necessarily dormant until then just that on AVERAGE that’s when they finally really get going, mostly by having got the inconvenience of childbearing/rearing out of the way (wonder what will happen with more women having their children in their 30s+).
Be careful with thinking it’s a “male” vs. “female” thing – you’d be falling into the discredited stereotype that it’s the male who are horny rut-monsters while it’s “normal” for the female to effortlessly relate asexually to those around them and view sex as something that’s like a nice yogurt w/o sugar.
I didn’t suggest otherwise.
Obviously the hypothetical girl he means to describe is both fat and a loser. That still does not mean all fat people are losers.
So is red little?
Btw, what if we aren’t aware of a poster’s history?
(emphasis mine)
Aha. But that isn’t exactly what he was saying either (as I understand it). What he fears is being so desperate that he would fall for a fatass loser girl. That is to say, he would be so starved for female attention that he would convince himself to be grateful to be with a woman to whom he is neither emotionally nor physically attracted.
Furthermore, I think that both “fatass” and “loser” were good words to choose in this context. Let’s say he had a kink wherein he only got off on girls with mohawks. He could then have replaced “fatass loser” with “non-mohawk” but we all would have (rightly) jugded him as too picky. Instead, he chose terms that he could reasonably expect to be commonly found unattractive. I’m not saying whether it’s good or bad that fatasses and losers are commonly perceived to be unattractive, but they are. Therefore, in addition to the connotation of “someone physically and emotionally unattractive to me” he also conveyed the sense of “someone who is physically and emotionally unattractive to society in general.” This latter meaning becomes important when he goes on to say that he expects this woman, after gaining the social status that comes with marriage (ie “Well, she can’t be as physically and emotionally unattractive as I previously supposed because Rex was willing to marry her”) she would dump his ass for the first better thing that came along.
In summary (by my interpretation), Rex would have spoken more precisely and offended fewer to say “woman who is physically and emotionally unattractive to both me and society at large” but he would have lost some of the visceral ooph of “fatass loser girl”.
Yeup epolo, that’s what I read too. He is projecting his own lack of self-worth onto whoever he might fall in love with.
But if he falls for her how is she then “physically and emotionally unattractive”? Physically and emotionally unattractive to who? This hypothetical girl is unworthy of love because why?
As I said before, there is a difference between settling for someone you don’t want for fear of being alone and calling someone unworthy of your love because they are fat.
Just while we’re trying to decipher exactly what he said, let’s not forget what he actually said…
I think Epolo’s summary hits the head on the nail nicely.
Yep! That is so true! I am average sized, but I get offended by the fat=loser thing for three reasons (besides the obvious part about it being hurtful):
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I have to be careful or else I do easily put on weight. So, I might be fat again one day. Hey, it happens, particularly as we age. I wouldn’t want to date someone who would reject me based on that alone.
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It makes me think the person who automatically bans fat people may also reject me based on other physical things. Anyone in it for looks alone will lose interest eventually. And drive me batty hoping I’m measuring up to someone’s standards. And if they are that critical about looks, well, what else are they critical about?
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I want someone who feels a connection to me emotionally rather than just sexually. And when I hear a guy spout off about “no fat chicks!”, I presume he bases a lot of his opinions about women on their physical traits alone.
Now, people are allowed preferences and boundaries, and but I think sometimes a person should gently test their boundaries.
I am a fat ugly old guy.
I used to be a fat ugly young guy.
Chicks didn’t dig me. They liked me. The wanted to spend time with me, and be my friend. Lots of friends. No one after my body, though.
I got married to the first one who did express an interest in my body. I found out later she was faking it. She wanted security, and someone to take care of her. I thought everyone tried to take care of the people they loved. It didn’t work out. The sex thing was great while I was fooled by it, but faking it won’t work long term, and finding out that it was lies was really bad.
But, being married did make one real big change, even before my marriage began having problems. All of a sudden, chicks did dig me. I was hot stuff. I was just what women wanted. I got hit on, regularly. I didn’t want to have an extramarital affair. I really wasn’t interested in another woman. Even later, when things went to hell at home, I didn’t want another woman. But a very much larger number of women expressed sexual interest in me than I have ever experienced before, or since.
So, I got divorced. (Not for that reason.) I became very much a workaholic, and almost entirely stopped socializing. I had no sexual relationships whatsoever, for quite a while. I did live with a bunch of lesbians, and got to know a whole lot of other lesbians, but that was really not because of my interest, or lack of interest in women. It just turned out that the women I knew who came out to me were very comfortable with the fact that I really didn’t care about it one way or the other. That fact seemed to spread among their friends, and I ended up with a lot of friends who were gay. I was a “cover” date the three or four times I went out with women during that time.
Then, a decade later, I stopped being a fat ugly guy. I became a fit, muscular ugly guy. I lost seventy pounds, and had stomach muscles Richard Gere would have died for. But other than that, I really didn’t change much. I was a little bit more adventurous with women, but it didn’t amount to much. I met a few women for whom sex was just a part of friendship, and a way to feel good. It didn’t make me feel all that good. (It felt fine, but that’s not what I am talking about.) I still had dozens of women friends. All the men I knew were sure that I was having sex with all of them.
After about three years, I got bored with the exercise routines, and started gaining the weight back. Now, I am a fat ugly old guy. I don’t want to have sex with the women who are interested in me now. It isn’t because of their age, weight, or any other physical attributes. It’s because they are interested in committed relationships that include a specific exclusivity in the matter of sexual feelings. Now I am celibate, so it isn’t that I am giving up anything, but I won’t make the promises. I don’t want a committed relationship. I don’t stop being friends with someone. I am still friends with all the folks I have been friends with in my life, except that I don’t see most of them all that often.
But I won’t make those promises again. Why? Because I made them once. I meant it. I believed it. But it was not true. So how can I ever make that promise again? Because this time I really mean it? I really meant it last time. And the inherent deal includes the promise. Even from women with adult children, grown and moved on, the inherent deal includes a promise of life long fidelity, and commitment. Well, I am a demonstrated failure at that particular set of requirements, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
And the recreational sex thing is just a little bit icky in the over fifty-five crowd. Not meant as a condemnation of the people, but it hits my icky meter. Too jaded, and too weary. Talk about having your bubble busted. Naah, I don’t need to be anyone’s busted bubble either. I have had to develop a whole new social skill. Telling women I don’t want sex, thanks. Nothing personal, really.
I don’t mean it happens a lot, but it happens. I would never have believed it at twenty.
I don’t know why I posted this.
Tris
Would you feel as offended if he had said “girls like nice guys”? It’s equally a generalization.
I think he was just trying to be realistic and covering the majority of cases.
Oh, and I don’t think anyone meant he equated fat and loser, just that he put them on the same level, both negative attributes that demonstrate how low he’d have to “settle”.
If you were an accountant, and he said “I’ll probably end up with some bitchy, fat, smelly old accountant type”, while he never equated accountant with fat, smelly, or old, it’s not a stretch to infer that it’s meant in a deragatory context, and you might be offended.
Personally, I think it’s blown way out of proportion, but I can see why it would be offensive. But then, I guess, if people did get bothered over it, they may not be as secure with their physical appearance as they’d like to imply.
It all depends, is the person trying to slam women with his generalization? That makes a difference for me.
But your second statement is just not true. He was trying to be realistic and covering the majority of cases by stating ‘women go for jerks’? No, and again I say No. First of all: ‘the jerk’. Some of these ‘nice guys’ here may be calling another man a jerk because that man actually has the girl and it makes him feel better. Maybe the man actually is a jerk. Maybe it is none of their damn business and they should pay attention to girls who aren’t into losers?
This generalization shoves me (and other women) into a very constricting and negatively labeled box. If this generalization is really ‘covering the majority of the cases’ and ‘women go for jerks’, then we can only assume following the SAME logic that the MAJORITY OF MEN ARE ‘JERKS’ as these jerks aren’t just appearing out of thin air.
I don’t believe that the majority of men are jerks; therefore I must disagree with you. Some are, yes, but there are still a greater number of sweet, cuddly and flexible men whom I may then lure into my watery den…
I’m sorry for the frustrated tone of this post; I am beginning to get depressed by the negativity in this thread.
Rex, this might get lost in the muddle that the thread has become, but I’ll give it a shot anyway. I’m a 24 year old woman (not psycho or otherwise socially maladjusted ;)), so I thought you might be interested in my perspective. There are a couple of things you can do–aside from changing your physical appearance–that would likely make you more attractive.
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Be a good guy. Not just to sweet young things, but also to kids, middle-aged fat ladies, old grampa-types, etc. Don’t just hold the door open for the hot co-ed, do it for the mom with her arms full of kids and groceries. Be nice to waiters, clerks, and other folks. Women notice this stuff, and it matters.
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Be interested in women as cool people, not just as potential girlfriends. I really like it when a guy I’ve just met expresses sincere interest in my thoughts, experiences, job, and so on. If I think he’s just interested in a piece of ass, he’s not getting any of mine.
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Do volunteer work. Seriously. It shows that you’re (see above) a good guy with interests outside of himself. Plus, it could be a way to meet folks–if not attractive women, then people who have attractive sisters/nieces/friends that they’re willing to introduce you to.
Good luck!
Well said, burundi. That was all I was trying to say in my original post to this thread (except I suggested taking a class instead of volunteer work), but you said it so much better than I did.
originally posted by triscademus
Maybe because it it very relevant to the OP and a interesting, personal story about real life, to boot? 
I used to think some pretty similar things. Then I actually got out there and met a bunch of people I had something in common with. Within a few years I had a string of about ten offers from the fair sex (well, by offers I mean interest of some sort).
Keep up with this, and I guarantee you will get what you’ve predicted. Women even more than men hate despair. I know you probably want the woman to come in and lift your despair, but it’s not likely. I wouldn’t even recommend that anyone think she is able to do it.
Work out. You’d be amazed at what you can accomplish with four months of real weight lifting and good eating with lots of protein. Yes, your body too will respond. I was convinced mine wouldn’t, but that was because I had been doing it wrong.
Clear up any acne/visual hindrances as much as possible.
Become really good at something. Men like this, but women seem to even more.
Lean to live your life in a productive way that isn’t just waiting for it to start at the moment you get married/dated/whatever. Having momentum and a drive is MUCH more attractive than waiting to be given them.
I used to think some pretty similar things. Then I actually got out there and met a bunch of people I had something in common with. Within a few years I had a string of about ten offers from the fair sex (well, by offers I mean interest of some sort).
Keep up with this, and I guarantee you will get what you’ve predicted. Women even more than men hate despair. I know you probably want the woman to come in and lift your despair, but it’s not likely. I wouldn’t even recommend that anyone think she is able to do it.
Work out. You’d be amazed at what you can accomplish with four months of real weight lifting and good eating with lots of protein. Yes, your body too will respond. I was convinced mine wouldn’t, but that was because I had been doing it wrong.
Clear up any acne/visual hindrances as much as possible.
Become really good at something. Men like this, but women seem to even more.
Lean to live your life in a productive way that isn’t just waiting for it to start at the moment you get married/dated/whatever. Having momentum and a drive is MUCH more attractive than waiting to be given them.
Aaagh. It said the connection had been refused!!!
Sorry.
Given the number of people who piss and moan about how girls don’t want nice guys, I’m not sure that’s a generalisation that can pass muster either. 
I’ll go for “People prefer to go out with the people they find attractive”, though.
This works. My friend swears by it and i have tried it. It works. Not just in Columbia as well!
xx