OMFG, not the photos!!!1!1!one!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So he told me our marriage was over. I said ok.

He told me he’d been having an affair. I said ok.

He told me that the affair was with my friend. I said ok.

He told me that it was happened when she came to stay for my 30th birthday. I said ok.

He told me the most exciting bit was knowing I could have walked in and caught them at any moment. I said ok.

He told me that he hadn’t exactly intended to let his mother believe I was the one responsible, and that he’d clear it up as soon as he got around to it. I said ok.

He told me that he never should have married me, that we should have just been friends. I said ok.

He told me that he rushed into it because no one else was interested in him. I said ok.

He told me that he had decided that my friend was an airhead and a tramp and it was over between them, even though he hadn’t told her yet. I said ok.

He told me that he was trying to meet someone new, and could I take his picture for the dating site? I said ok.

He told me that he’d met someone new. I said ok.

He told me that his psychologist thought I should move out. I said ok.

He told me that, in hindsight and knowing how opposed I was to divorce, having an affair was probably the only way he could have driven me off. I said ok.

So why, when I got home from work today and found he’d taken our wedding portrait off the wall, did I go absolutely batshit insane at him?

All in all, it was probably the least awful thing he’s done in the last two months. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m moving out on Monday anyway, and I fully expected the picture to come down… but when I came home from work and saw the blank space on the wall, it pushed buttons that I didn’t even know I had.

2

I’m sorry. Time wounds all heels.

3

I’ve been known to do the same. Be fine with everything and then go mental at something small. It’s never actually about the small thing though.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time at the moment.

4

Heehee, I love this phrase.

Sounds like you were worn out after one too many times of “saying ok” in various ways, and this visible sign of his betrayal was more than you could take. I hope you find some healing, through time, catharsis, counseling, whatever it takes.

5

That was a LOT of saying “ok”. Yes, it does sound a bit like straws and camels. Very sad. Is he likely to be civilised enough to have a copy made for you to keep, do you think?

And best of luck with all the moving out and general nastiness.

6

Wow. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. And like **AngelicGemma ** said, I’ve done the same “well *that * was a weird thing to freak out about” thing. I’ve in fact been see-sawing between relative serenity and seething rage for a couple of months, and I suspect you will too. It makes you feel crazy, and it’s hard, but try to remember that you’re not crazy, that you have perfectly good reasons to feel this way, and that it’s totally acceptable to take this rage out on him, within reasonable parameters. He earned it, so give it to him in whatever measure your dignity will bear. (insert appropriate non-existent smiley here)

I wish you luck, and while I know it’s small consolation at the moment, you’re life is eventually going to be so much better once you’re rid of this guy, that you’ll be amazed you were ever anything but thrilled to see him go.

7

Here you go. Hopefully this little number can give you some consolation…

8

Cazzle, I’m so sorry to hear that he did that to you. What you did is very normal. Definitely the final straw.

Good luck, and look after yourself.

9

A great country song from Linda Hargrove from a (very unfourtunately) out of print album.

http://www.lindahargrove.com/lyrics/time_wounds_all_heels.htm

10

The small niece of one of my friends had to be hospitalized for health problems when she was about 4. After several days of fussing for various reasons, all of them understandable, since she was too young to understand what was going on. Anyway, finally she was well enough to be sent home. The next day her pre-school or day care provider had pictures taken-- of everyone but her. She threw an absolute fit and would not permit pictures to be taken.

As others have said, something about that last straw, mixed with an understanding that this is something that you don’t have to tolerate(? something with a clear alternative? I don’t know. 'Tis the problem with analogies to similar situations, they end up being not that similar. But I do think there is something about this situation that does make it OK to freak out over in a way that your long list of “larger” issues were not. I mean, when someone says “Our marriage is over, and by the way, I’ve been having an affair with your friend” what do you say? “You are a jerk, she’s no longer my friend, I’m gonna take you for everything you’ve got?” Or maybe you’ve just been numb and this has opened the floodgates.

Best wishes for a bright future.

11

Sometimes a physical change means more than just hearing the facts. It makes it all the more real.

It also can be a catalyst to bring out what you were unable to express before. If you don’t like blowing up over this in front of him, seeing something like that will cause all the previous resentment to explode.

In any case, it’s a pretty understandable reaction in your situation. You’re certainly better off in the long run, but it is going to hurt. But it’s like lancing a boil: it hurts now, but eventually you’ll be glad you did it.

12

Wow, bummer of a couple months, honeybunch. But…and I ask this in all innocense as a ulp guy: Why Would You Care?

(I torched ours in front of my woman a couple years ago and she went nutso–and she was the perp who I figured has quitted the marriage long before I did. So it’s not just you.

13

…and two years later I still can’t form a coherent sentence…

14

cazzle, I’m sorry. You’ll be in my thoughts…

15

I’m sorry for your troubles. Divorce sucks. I’m currently holding the hand of a friend who’s going through one – and it was a marriage that both we and she thought would last forever. But he got himself a bimbo girlfriend and is regressing to college party boy mode, leaving his wife & kids to deal with his leavings.

Look on the bright side – at least you won’t have to eat your mother-in-law’s cooking anymore. :slight_smile:

16

The OP is a fascinating personality test. The wedding photo was the breaking point for cazzle. I think I would have stopped saying OK at

17

cazzle, don’t look back. You escaped. Count your blessings and find that guy who will swim through shark-infested waters to bring you a glass of lemonade.

18

So sorry - it will be tough for a while.

But stick this rant somewhere. 'Cause its good and several years from now you will say “the picture - that was the moment I stopped being a doormat.”

Sometimes it has to be something little to push us over the edge. The big things are too shocking. For me, it was when my not-yet-ex-husband brought over a Christmas present - and it was romantic. “You are dumping me - asshole - why in the world do you think I want this!!!”

Good riddence to bad rubbish.

19

cazzle, you put up with too much for way too long. It’s good that you finally started to express yourself. Yell at him if you need to! He deserves it.

I hope you don’t mind if I share my story

When my high school sweetheart proposed that we get married even though I wasn’t through with college I said OK.

When he said I should get a job to help with the bills until he finished his computer science degree I said OK.

When a friend at his class told me she saw him around campus with another girl, I confronted him. He admitted to the affair but was SO sorry and said it was over. I said OK (this one was hard.)

When he finally finishede school and started his first job, and I got pregnant (unplanned! both our faults though) he said I should put off going back to school until the baby was older and I said OK.

When he lost interest in me because he said he honestly couldn’t find me attractive with the pregnancy weight gain I said OK. It took me 6 months but I got back to being thin.

When our baby was two and he started working late “because of really important deadlines at work” I said OK.

When a year later he said he wanted a divorce because he had found his soulmate and he was tired of me nagging at him for working nights and week-ends I said OK (he promised to stay involved and pay alimony.)

When a couple of months later we went out to dinner to discuss some of the divorce details, he offered to drive the babysitter home (an 18-year-old good kid from our church). The next day the babysitter’s mom calls me, very apologetic, and says that she has nothing against me, but her daughter can’t babysit for me unless I drive her home myself instead of my soon-to-be-ex, because the babysitter says he made suggestive comments and came on to her. This time I phoned my ex, screamed at him and ended up throwing the phone across the room when he hung up on me. (Now his story is that the babysitter is blowing it all out of proportion and he was just kidding around. Knowing her, I doubt it. She has a boyfriend and is usually not afraid of men.)

Sometimes this one small thing can set you off, and I really don’t know why this babysitter thing is the one that really made me lose it. But he’s out of my life now (except for the joint child-related events) and I’m moving on.

20

here you go, cazzle. Hope you feel better soon.

:smiley: