Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Unsatisfying ostrich.
Unsatisfying ostrich who?
~runs away~
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the sh*t out of him.
They just built a state of the art soccer stadium in downtown Warsaw. After the first game, they tore it down. It turned out that wherever you sat, you were behind a Pole.
How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
Q. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A. Nacho cheese!
Says one atom to another, “I just lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?” asks the other.
“I’m positive.”
$20.00, same as in town.
What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work?
Drop him off at band practice.
more drummer jokes please. I miss the ridicule
did u hear about the polish mafia?
they’ll make you an offer you cant understand.
no offense, love Poles. Great food, great history, hot women.
(OT, but requested.)
Why do bands need roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.
What do you call a halfwit drummer?
Gifted.
My friend the guitarist locked his keys in the van and the band was late for their gig. It took them two hours to get the drummer out.
a guy goes to a shrink and the shrink gives him an inkblot test.
he holds up the first sheet.“What do you think of when you see this?”
“sex” the guy says.
The shrink holds up another sheet.“And this?”
“sex”
the shrink frowns. He holds up another one.
“sex” the guy says.
The shrink puts down the sheet. "Sir, is that all you think about is sex?’
the guy looks at him funny. " what do you mean? you’re the one showing me all the dirty pictures."
rimshot
guy walks into a bar, sees a huge pail of money behind the counter. he orders a drink and asks the bartender what the money is for.
'well we have a contest around here. you have to do three things to win the money.
“ok”
“first, you have to walk up to our 6’7 350lb bouncer and punch him out with one wallop”
“ok”
“then you have to go out back and wrestle our pitbull and pin him”
“ok”
“then you have to go upstairs and shag the 95 year old woman who owns this bar”
the guy thinks about it. “no prob”
so he walks over to the bouncer. CRACK one hit and the bouncer is down and out.
bartender points to the back door.
the guy goes out back. its all quiet. all of a sudden they hear all this screaming and yelling, howling and barking.
the guy walks in all bloody and his clothes torn.
"ok, so where’s that old lady you want me to wrestle?’
This horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “hey buddy, why the long face?”
Here about the republican designed airplane? It will only fly in circles because it only has a right wing.
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
Two guys walk into a bar.
You’d think the second one would have ducked.
Geez, I can’t believe no one posted that one yet.
A blind man walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. A concerned shop assistant asks “Can I help you, sir?”
“No thanks,” says the blind guy. “Just looking.”
So, have you heard about the guy with five penises?
The condom fit him like a glove.
[sub]Thank you, Prem, for that joke, it’s still getting people everywhere.[/sub]
A dyslexic walks into a bra …
There are two types of people in this world. Those who divide everyone into two types of people…and those who don’t.
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”