The funniest one I ever got was, “Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?”
But I lived w/ two guys with a bunch of deviant guy friends for a couple of years, and I vaguely remember one drunken night where they all sat around and came up w/ the cheesiest lines they could remember. Among them were:
“Do you want to go back to my place, order a pizza, and fuck?” [obvious response is NO] “What’s the matter, you don’t like pizza?”
“Do you like apples?” [regardless of the answer:] “Well, we’re gonna go back to your place and do screw, how do you like THEM apples?”
[Now, for this one the guy has to stand at a crowded bar and wait until a girl forces her way up next to him]“OW! You just stepped on my dick!”
Yes, they’re all sad and pathetic, however, I have to admit they’re all funny as hell. I think, if I were a guy, they’d be a good barometer of whether or not the girl has a sense of humor.
The best bad pick-up line I came up with was when I was on the road for a couple of days with Stone Temple Pilots (dating myself - when they opened for Megadeth) in Missouri.
I went up to local girls, laminate flashing, and sais, “Hey, I’m not from here… I understand that Missouri is the ‘Show Me’ state. Go ahead…”
I got a lot of girls to laugh, but as always, the only people who got laid that night were actually IN bands…
well I have never had to use a pick up line thank god and even if I could I wouldnt. I hate them. I have had a few used on me though and the best one that comes to mind is I had some guy walk up to me and say girl your so fine I would like to eat you up like a biscut. I thought that was pretty gross. Needless to say my girlfriends and I looked at the guy like he was nuts and told him to get outta my face.
A bit off the subject, but this reminds me of an approach that was used on me, twice, thousands of miles apart. Once was here in Knoxville, once was in Antigua. Worked nicely both times. The girl comes up to me and says(pointing to some guy): “That guy just won’t leave me alone. Can you pretend to be my brother?” I oblige, meet the guy, act friendly but brotherly, the guy disappears, the girl and I have a great evening. Both times I was playing pinball when it happened. Bizarre, huh?
here’s the thing though: whenever anyone asked me this, and I told them, they always say, “Oh, I’m a [something]! We’re compatible!”
But knowing nothing about astrology, how the hell do I know if that is true?
So a few weeks ago I ask a friend if he’s ever had someone come up to him and say, “has anyone ever come up to you, asked your sign, and then said, ‘oh. we aren’t compatible’ and walked away?”
He said, “No Daniel, I have never received an anti-pickup line.”
“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight
Once, a man wearing a large backpack came up to me and said, “I have a dead dog in my backpack. I need some money to buy a shovel so I can bury it.” Hm. OK, so he was really panhandling but I ended up giving him $5 because it was just such a good story.
A friend of mine has a fool-proof pick up scenerio and I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it work. He sits at the bar and locks eyes with a girl. Then he slowly takes his thumb and forefinger and “picks” something from his nose. Then he glances down at it and then flicks it away. For some reason, that type of humor makes the women go nuts. They always end up laughing and coming over to him to tell him how hilarious he is, etc.
My old boss was handed the “what’s your sign” line once. He just raised his middle finger and said, “this”.
OK, OK, Aura Seer. Perhaps a better response is to say, “I’m not interested, I’m waiting for my 6’4” fiance who just came from pumping iron at the athletic club. Now, do you have anything else to say to me?"
