Porn discussions you can't really have with anyone else

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

OOH OOH, Mr. Kotter!! I have a recommendation. Anything by Radley Metzger/Harry Paris, eg. The Opening of Misty Beethoven will be good. The best is called Score and is not really hardcore, although you can tell where the, um… interesting shots were edited. Guy/Guy and Girl/Girl, with hot couples [sub]except for one of the women[/sub].

OK, now a question. I have seen a few early seventies pornos Flesh Gordon, Score where guy/guy action happens in a mainly straight flick. As a bisexual, I wonder if anyone can enlighten me as to how common this used to be, and possibly what audience reactions were like.

62

Well, the only porn that I may or may not “own” (as opposed to having rented) is the, umm, free samples that I may or may not have downloaded from Morpheus. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I gotta say, it’s pretty cool the wide variety of stuff you can choose from on a daily basis. You can even find full-length features if you’re so inclined. Just have to set the ‘file size’ box to ‘at least 100,000KB.’ (Heh. Porn good. Broadband better.)

That being said, you’re really kind of on your own out there because the quality of the clips is WILDLY variable. Some are quite good. Many are in foreign languages, although that frankly doesn’t matter much in porn. But I’ve got one where the dubbing is slightly off - audio leads video by a good ten seconds, I’d guess. Took quite a while to even be sure they were from the same flick.

One of the things that really gets me is the appearance of some of the units on these guys. I mean, I’m a straight fella and don’t spend much energy admiring same, but some of them jump into your eyesight and won’t let go! I’ve seen more 30-degree bends, twists, variable radii, etc. than I really care to go into. Used to be, you could expect the equipment to be a pretty standard shape, even if high on the bell curve for size. Now, half these cranks look less like a penis than something you’d twist your ankle on while walking in the woods! I blame the late-90’s influx of amateur yahoos with cameras and an urge for fame. There’s a REASON so few guys make it in the biz, people!

One of my favorite clips involves a young ingenue reacting with shock and dismay to some guy’s tremendous package. Decent enough looking body on the guy (I don’t think we see his face), but the lass keeps giggling and looking off-camera to some friend of hers and exclaiming “OH my God!” We’re supposed to believe she’s all worked up over how big it is, but I personally think she’s covering for the fact that it also takes a quarter-spiral to the right and bends down to point at his ankle, even though apparently near full tumescence.

Yeah, those porn blooper clips, those are a lot of fun, too. Girls losing grip on their ‘toys’ which subsequently shoot away, girls gagging at some paramour’s vigorous assault on their tonsils, some guy clobbering himself on the camera in an unexpected shift during close up. I keep looking for one a buddy told me about years ago where an actress in the standard high heels treads on some fella’s manhood while it lays partly deflated on the ground between his legs. Ouch! Thank deities I won’t have that worry any time soon.

  • Dave
    (who’s keeping his boys OFF the internet, thank you)
63

That’s not a blooper, it’s one of those specialist MPEGs, that one of my sicko friends sent me a while back.

I…ahem…may still have it if you want it.

64

Anyone noticed how many views this thread has got just because it has the word “porn” in the title?

You are a dirty bunch.

(Hey, it worked for me!)

65

Somebody mention “FLESH GORDON”? I saw this flick many years ago, and I thought that it was hilarious! Anybody know where it can be obtained today?

66

You can get it from Amazon, believe it or don’t. It even has a sequel.

67

My first brush with porn…12yrs old…babysitting for my next door neighbors…getting bored and looking through their video library for something to watch…wondered what the unmarked tape was…popped it into the VCR…bom chicka bom bom…the hard part was remembering what was going on when I hit play so I could rewind the video to the exact point I started watching at so they wouldn’t know I had found it…

College…the guy across the hall from my friends room in the dorms was known for his porn collection…he never came over empty handed…We used to sit and watch them like movies…the 2 I remember most were The Big Bamboo…men lined up to have this pseudo Indian guy inspect their packages while exclaiming “Are you the Big Bamboo?!” Battle of the Squirts was another story entirely…or competition…it was all money shots…but of women…squirting…a lot…quite far…I can’t do that…can you?

68

Or even worse: a TGP that has a celebrity section, but all the links are to “celebrity” porn stars. BFD! I want nude Melissa Joan Hart and Alyssa Milano pics!

69

Now that I’m back on a crappy dial-up connection, I can’t surf porn the way I used to. In my cruises around the net, I found an awful lot of sites with lovely men, but just about all of them were Playgirl style–flaccid penises don’t do a whole hell of a lot for me, y’know? Or they were gay sites. Not that I have anything against gay porn–hell, porn is porn, baby, but it would be nice to find something aimed toward my tastes. Anyone know of any good sites geared toward het women?

70

My Luuhhhhv Chambah’s a pretty good site.

Bow chicka bow bow chicka…

71

Man…if I got anywhere near the amount of action IRL as I do on these boards, I would be one tired girl.

72

Back in the day… we would rent porns and just watch them for laughs. A group of us would sit around in front of my 50 inch screen t.v. and laugh our asses off. Ain’t nothing like porn done on a 50 inch screen. ESPECIALLY when there is an extreme close-up of a cooz and a fly lands on it. We absolutely rolled.

heh.
I haven’t thought about that in a long time. I used to run with a wild crowd, bikers are so much fun.

73

Anybody here other than me see “Orgazmo”? It isnt exactly a porn flick more like a parody of a porn flick. God its funny. The hubby and I were rolling laughing… Lots of great Utah jokes in it as well…

74

yep. orgazmo rules (esp. their “stunt cocks” :))

one video we always chuckled over, but never actually rented was “Edward Penishands”. anyone actually get to see this?

btw did anyone else giggle when they saw “BigGiantHead” posting in a porn thread?

75

Before my other friends at college graduated and moved away, we’d regularly throw in some tape from a friend’s porn collection. Usually it was my friend Liz’ video. I remember we’d usually laugh at the silliness of most porns. My most vivid memory was of us all watching the “kama sutra” (there’s probably a ton of different ones). Anyway, as people walked in and out of the room, they’d all stop and watch the film for a few minutes before moving on to something else. It was quite idd…even odder was being on the back deck and talking to friends while directly behind them the porn was playing.

By they way, i’m on a search for gay porn that has hot, wild, sweaty sex, and a good story and dialogue…can it be found? I guess i’ll eventually find out :). I’m not looking for romance really…although from what i’ve seen of Titan media, they have some hot men, and wild sex…i’ll have to buy one some day to see if the plot and story line is good.

76

I had just downloaded some porn from the net and loaded it up with Windows media player. My computer promptly froze. While waiting to see if it would come back without a reboot the phone rang, so I picked it up without really thinking. It was a close friend of the family and after talking for a minute Windows comes (no pun intended :)) alive! In full 5 speaker glory “moan Oh yeah baby…”. I was so flustered I tried to turn off the speakers but I couldn’t get to the second set so I hung up.

Still not sure if she heard :slight_smile:

77

My roommates and I think that porn is the funniest stuff. Every Thursday night we get together, make daiquiris and watch the latest porn we rented from the local video store. I find it oddly amusing that a random group of girls that were all put in the same apartment can all have the same interests in porn. But, it always makes for a good time and we all look foward to Thursday nights.

78

Hooo, boy do I have some doozies.

First, one of my early experiences of porn, ca. 1987. I was home from college, hanging out with friends one Saturday night when we decide to go pester one of our gang, who was still on duty as a security guard in a retirement home. That meant (a) he was guaranteed to be bored, and (b) he had access to the rec room’s VCR-and-projection-TV.

So one of our number had this porno video. I can’t remember the featured actress, but she was big-time (and I think she later became a producer). The guy? Well, if it wasn’t Tony Danza, it sure as hell looked like Tony Danza, a baby, pre-Taxi version; the hair was definitely 1975. As soon as he opened his package, the “Who’s the Boss?” jokes started…justifiably. But I’ve never heard anything about Danza doing porn, and my google searches have been dry. Sigh.

The next story has to do with my beach share. New York Dopers know that I have a share in a house in Fire Island Pines, a remarkably self-contained, self-absorbed gay resort town on a glorified sandbar off Long Island. Summer of 2000, my house-mother-cum-best-friend, Jay, decided to recoup some house costs by renting the place to a friend of his for a porn shoot. So for two days, our home (which has a lot of deck area and a big pool) was the site of a porn production. I was not there as witness, but Jay was, and he learned…that continued for enough hours, any enterprise turns very dull.

Plus, thanks to Viagra there are no fluffers anymore.

Apparently the biggest challenge (ahem) was one of the tops he’d cast: the boy was so big, none of the bottoms wanted to deal with him. Finally, with plenty of coaxing (some of which may have been pharmacological, we’ll never know), “Michael” found a volunteer.

If you’re curious, the film is called “Fire Island Cruising,” by director “Michael Lucas.” You can find it on the tlavideo website.

79

This one statement brought be back to my buddies bachelor party a little over a year ago. Picture this… six guys getting more and more drunk as the night goes on, playing Warhammer 40,000, and watching some of the most reprehensible porn I’d ever seen (yes, we’re not only perverts, but geeks as well.) Among the offenders were a couple from the “Rough Sex” series (simple premise… one or more guys open handedly beat the tar out of a young lady as they have sex with her.) This had 5 of us quite pale at the end. The 6th, the guy you picked 'em out (not me, by the way) was of course tickled pink.

Some of the other features included performers dressed up as circus animals and women with fresh breast enhancement scars. <shudders to recall…>

On an unrelated note, I’ve seen the un-cut “Caligula” (got it on DVD actually.) Maybe I’m jaded or sicker than I realize, but what’s the big deal with it?

80

Peter North is not dead. He has his own production company and puts out a series called “The North Pole”. Of course he still defies all explanation with his unique ability to ‘paint the town white’.