“I’m being relocated overseas. I can’t tell you more for national security reasons.”
Hi, Neighbor! - very smooth. You must be a pro.
**Dangerosa **- I have the “I don’t care if you do have tickets for Robert Plant/Allison Krauss, I think you are pathetic” mug. It’s my favorite - the coffee tastes much sweeter from it…
Smooth until she calls him a bastard and throws a curling iron or something at his head.
Wow did you make that good on paper. If only the theory worked out that well in practice, which in theory it should! ha. Damn romance. . .:rolleyes:
I’m just not into you.
Tell her that you appreciate her taking part in your experiment and would she mind filling out a brief survey about her experience. Give her the name of a scientific journal to keep an eye out for where she will be able to read your full report.
“It’s not you. It’s the prettier girl I’m now seeing instead of you.”
I’ve no advice to add that hasn’t already been said, just sympathy. I’ve done this a lot and it sucks. Better now than later though.
That’s why he finished with “then get the fuck out of there.” He should have added “with a quickness”!
What about: “Honey it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s just that you were kind of borderline when we started dating and I just don’t think you’re going to lose that last 10 pounds.”
After 1 or 2 dates, sure I’d recommend this. Not after 2 months though.
OKay, but you have to take this “I really really tried, but I’m sorry, you feel like a brother to me,” or this “Oh shit, I already said “we need to talk” and his mother just dropped dead, I can’t break up with him NOW!” along with it.
♪♫Don’t write a letter
when you want to leave.
Don’t call me at three am
from a friend’s apart-MENT.
I’d like to chooose
how I hear the newwsss…♫♪
I have the grandmother version of that one. The relationship continued its dance of death for another six months.
If you must do it in public, try a coffee shop or bar. Not a restaurant or movie theatre or anything like that. If you are interested, my favorite way to soften “We need to talk” is “Hey I have something to discuss with you later. Can I stop by around six? It would be easier to do in person.”
Don’t burn any bridges. One day you might be hoping for a nice, sane girl that you have fun with, sparks or not.
What the hell are we doing in this thread, anyhow? Obviously, neither of us is any good at this breakup thing!
Here, take our advice…we’re not using it! 
Start off with asking her, “Do you want to break up with me?” If she says “YES!”, easy as pie, done deal, cry a little to make her feel good about herself, and a clean break!
If she says, “No, why on earth would I want to do that?”, then you are no worse off, and the subject matter has been brought up for the conversation to take on a life of it’s own!
Get the blowjob BEFORE the breakup.
And then there’s the Modest Mouse joke.
“So I called up my girlfriend one day and told her I’d won the lottery, and that she should pack her bags. So she asked me, where are we going? What do I need to pack? Ski, beach, Vegas? So I told her that she didn’t understand me. I just won the lottery, so bitch, pack your bags.”
Change lanes without signaling. Merge without due diligence.
Works every time.
We are the voice of experience on “breaking up is like ripping off a bandaid - pain either way, but why drag it out.”
Ask her if she’d be willing to participate in a threesome. If she says “yes”, ask her to help find another girl. If she says “yes” to this, keep on adding to your fantasy until she says “no”. Then you can explain that that’s a dealbreaker for you. Or you could have a hellofa good time!