Your “Check Engine” light is on.
Mary Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard, I have raised that boy. I’ve seen him at his best, I’ve seen him at his worst. There’s nothing he can do that’ll surprise me.
Leonard: Hold on to that thought.
Sheldon: Come in.
Leonard: Surprise.
I find myself oddly titillated.
He thought you were going to blow up the moon!
I can drive. I choose not to.
“Because that’s all you needed, right?”
I love him, but if he’s broken, let’s not get a new one.
Penny: Leonard, I didn’t know you played the cello.
Leonard: Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn’t getting me beaten up enough.
Emily or Cinnamon?
Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
Is the sex happening now?
Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on Myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and you’ve never met one of them.
Sheldon: That’s the beauty of it.
And I gently caress your…nose.
Keep rolling.
Obviously you’re not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Could you please stop staring? They’re just girls. It’s nothing you haven’t seen in movies or in drawings.
Howard Wolowitz: So, this spring, I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh, my word! A trip to the Heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I’ve got a good book you could read.
Howard Wolowitz: Thanks, but I watch the ‘Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ every year, so I get the gist.
Sheldon Cooper: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, Pee-Wee football; in fact, every form of football except the original: European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.
Raj: What happened?
Sheldon: Obviously another carnal fiasco with the ‘Shiksee’ goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shik-Sa.
Sheldon: Forgive me. Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn’t spoken for long.
Sheldon: The housekeeper in the faculty residence didn’t speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, “Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?”
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, “Would you like an enema?”
Sheldon: I have a Master’s Degree & 2 Doctorates, the thing’s I should know~ I do
Amy: I guess it must have been back when I was in the Girl Sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl Sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn’t want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
Sheldon: 15 years old—Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he’s already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you’re smarter than me.
“There’s a Sarcasm Sign?!”
Raj: The thing about Aqua Man… Where does he poop!