I’m polymerized tree sap and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
Amy : Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you with me, or instead of me.
I’m stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell. . .
Penny: [to Leonard] Look, you are a great guy, and it is the things you love that make you who you are.
Howard: I guess that makes me large breasts…
Sheldon: You know I don’t enjoy Christmas, trees indoors
He once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.
Okay, all I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
I’m getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart!
That’s the Del Taco.
Nah, I’d rather have the busboy.
Excuse me Leonard. I’m the one who’s getting a divorce, Mitzi is the one who’s dead, why are you making a fuss?
Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I’m gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?
Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time.
Stuart: Plus, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Raj: It’s like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other’s holes.
Stuart: That sounds a little funny to an American ear.
Raj: Which part?
Stuart: Just…all of it.
Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, want to hit your fan switch?
Howard: Check.
Dimitri: He calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut?
Howard: No, it’s 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops.
Dimitri: Go with gay story, people are more accepting of that.
Wolowitz: Raj, did you ever tell your sister about the time Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates?
Priya: Oh, God, you’re kidding.
Raj: No, Gates gave a speech at the university. Sheldon went up to him afterwards and said, “Maybe if you weren’t so distracted by sick children in Africa you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista.”
Leonard: Bam, right in the nose. Made me proud to own a PC.
The more you cling to this construct the more you’re hurting your partner.
I can’t keep a secret. I have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility.
Leonard: Come on, we need a four person team, we’re four people.
Sheldon: By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah, and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.
Penny: I want tickets to that, please!
Oh it’s a tiara! Tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me! Put it on me!
Bernadette: Little warning before you jump into this marriage business. You’re not just marrying him, you’re marrying his family.
Penny: I think Leonard’s mom’s okay with me.
Bernadette: It doesn’t matter if she’s okay with you. The question is, can she go to the bathroom by herself?
that’s not how we roll in The Shire
Bernadette: Aww, Raj did the dishes.
Howard: How do you know I didn’t do them?
Bernadette: Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.
Science is my lady!