Queen Penelope AFK…WHA-AT?
Excuse me. Are you currently involved in a sexual relationship?
No … ?
Would you like to be?
Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend hanging out together? That can only be good for you.
…
You are a mean little man.
Raj: Hey dude, you’re killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: Come on look at you. You’re classically handsome. You got a swimmers body. Next to you I look like me.
Classic Raj.
Bernadette: We found out Howard’s family and my family used to be neighbors back in Poland.
Penny: Oh, that’s nice.
Amy: No, it’s not. I’ll explain it to you later.
Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it’s more likely that you’ll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make paper-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava.
Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.
Sheldon: Ok.
Penny: Is that my arm?
Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.
Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go.
Sheldon: All righty.
Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Raj: Yeah.
Penny: I screwed up. Leonard’s a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.
Raj: Well er, to paraphrase Shakespeare - It’s better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.
Hello, Mummy, hello, Daddy…I’m not drunk.
Howard: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he’ll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
I mix pancake batter in this!
No, that cup has always been for urine.
You had time to make a label for everything else in the apartment but you couldn’t find ten seconds to make a label that says “urine cup”?
It’s right there on the bottom.
Oh.
I guess I owe the Betty Crocker company a letter of apology.
You know what? If it’s creepy to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I’m creepy.
James Earl Jones: Let me guess. You like Star Wars. You know, I’ve been in other movies. But you don’t care about those, do you? I have one thing to say to people like you. I like Star Wars, too. Care to join me?
Sheldon: Thank you. My friend Leonard said if I bothered you while you were eating, you’d think I was a creepy stalker.
James Earl Jones: Well, your friend Leonard sounds like a real weenie.
Sheldon: He is, Mr. Earl Jones, he is.
Penny:" Holy crap on a cracker!"
Oh, good God, what have we done?
“Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.”
“The smell! You can sort of feel it in your eyes.”
“I’ll point out that I’m at the top of my profession, while you’ preside over the children’s table of yours.”
“Too bad that guy in the painting isn’t here to help you move it.”
“Dr. Rostenkowski, saying “whee!” does not make the land speeder go faster.”
Howard: I can always feel when Raj is in trouble!
Bernadette: How close were you two before we got married?
Leonard: You don’t want to turn over that rock…
I can’t bring home a white boy - my parents would have a cow, which is a much bigger deal in India.
Leonard, how come you never mentioned this woman who lives across the hall, and comes over in the morning in her underwear?
Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.
He said I could drive a car on Mars.
Sheldon: Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors’, players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock’.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: It’s very simple. Look – Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Raj: Okay. I think I got it.
Sheldon and Raj: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [both play Spock and groan in frustration]
One more time?
Certainly. Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Earlier this evening, she threw a digital sheep at some guy named Mike. Who’s Mike? Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
You probably don’t want to go in there.
Why, what are they doing?
You know, the only way I could explain it would be in a therapist’s office, with dolls.