She told me that : he screamed at her because he didn’t like the way she laid in bed and ordered her to lay perfectly flat on her back.
But I noticed that : one night, I saw that she was lying in a sort of fetal position, knees raised, arms across her chest, clutching a pillow. I tried gently caressing her to get her to relax but to no avail. I asked her whether I had done something wrong but she said she was just comfortable like that. I respected her choice but couldn’t help but feel rejected. From then on, she did this every night.
She told me that : he refused to show her affection in public. Rather, he walked briskly ahead of her with his fists in his pockets while she was in tears trying to catch up with him. He’d also leave her all alone for hours at parties.
But I noticed that : at first, Gini didn’t want to hold my hand when we were out. She finally agreed to, but always found excuses to let go : her back ached, I was holding her strangely, there were people crossing our path, etc. When she did hold my hand, she either fidgetted constantly, changing her grip every minute or swinging her arm widely like little kids do.
She told me that : he tried to pressure her into buying an apartment with him and, when she didn’t like the ones he showed her, screamed that she was « impossible to please » and « sabotaging it on purpose ».
But I noticed that : early on, we had agreed to move in together for our first anniversary. When the time came to start looking for an apartment, she told me that she wasn’t ready. I suggested we wait 6 more months. She thanked me, saying it gave her time to be ready. Yet, she wasn’t any more ready 6 months later. She wasn’t even sure whether she’d be ready the following year. After 2 years, I asked her to make a decision : either stick to our plan and act at last, or forget about it and try to reinvent our relationship. I told her that I’d respect her choice but I needed clarity. She couldn’t decide ! We stayed in this limbo for 5 more months but ended up splitting over that.
She told me that : he was a real gentleman at first, but became mean after 6 months. He said that they had been together for a while so his making less effort was perfectly normal.
But I noticed that : in the beginning, Gini was incredibly affectionate. She wanted to cuddle all the time, put moisturizing cream on my hands, combed my hair and hid surprise treats in my bag before I left for work. She called me several times a day. After 3 months however, she turned cold and aloof. She stayed in the bedroom alone without any explanation for extended periods of time. She talked very little, missed my calls, and showed up extremely late, sometimes not at all, to our rendez-vous.
She told me that : she called him after a particularly bad day to ask him to come to her place and comfort her. He said that he was at work but that he’d be finished shortly. Three hours later, she called him back and he said he was about to leave. At midnight she called him again but he never answered. She cried herself to sleep that night.
But I noticed that : Gini was obsessed with work. She worked from dawn until night on weekdays. She worked on weekends. She worked on holidays. We worked a lot from home but, although we sat at the same desk, she would totally ignore me for hours on end. That left us with little time together, and then, she was often so tired that all she wanted to do was sleep. I felt that our relatrionship was a low priority to her.
She told me that : when he wanted her attention, he snapped his fingers and pointed towards his feet yelling «Here !»
But I noticed that : Gini often acted as if I wasn’t there. She’d walk past me many times and not acknowledge my presence. I talked to her and she didn’t react. I often had to repeat the same question 3 times before she answered.
She told me that : he screamed at her because she took too much time getting ready in the morning.
But I noticed that : since we worked for the same company, we carpooled to work. She often started some time-consuming activity minutes before we had to leave, making me late for my meetings. She was never late for hers.
She told me that : he referred to her family as «freaks» and once said that her friends were «down there» while waving dismissively towards his feet.
But I noticed that : We were together for 2 ½ years. In all of that time, she didn’t introduce me to a single person she knew. Not one. She didn’t even didn’t mention my existence to anyone. I felt like I was a ghost in her life.
She told me that : he openly ogled girls in the streets and made lewd comments to her about their bodies. Their relationship ended when he called her to say that he needed to see her. He lived in another town so it took her 2 hours to get there. He was with a girl. «I wanted to introduce my girlfriend to you», he said.
But I noticed that : Gini laid her phone screen down hurriedly whenever I came near. She sprayed men’s perfume in her bag before going out. One day, she got an email from a male coworker that ended with « Thanks, you’re a doll ». She just smiled at the wildly inapproriate language. She once had a meeting with 4 women and 1 man, all strangers. She read only the guy’s CV and actually memorized it. When I met her, she complained that a coworker was harassing her. I later found out she’d been on several dates with him, including one in an upscale restaurant.