that was a good one
i bet ma heard that inside
i love fart contests
Corn-on-the-cob night;
Gramps tells Grandma,“My turn ter
Use the dentures, Pearl!”
Later on that night,
The gnawed cobs will find new use
Out in the outhouse.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Tobacco juice drips
From the corner of my mouth
And onto my chin
All the world’s a stage
Many players, many parts.
I love pro wrasslin’.
We save a fortune
By chewing parking lot gum.
Re-use Redman, too.
Teach evolution?
What’s next? Worship the Devil?
The Earth is not flat?
Straight business up front;
All party in the back, y’all!
Love my mullethead.
For more information, see www.mulletsgalore.com
Romantic dinner:
12-Pack, pork rinds, Cheez Wiz, Skoal.
Watch Dukes of Hazard.
Dinner did the trick:
I fill you, tender young’un.
Don’t you tell Mama.
Molly Hatchet shirt,
“U.S.Army” tattoo, full cheek.
I’m queer for myself.
I hold my breath as
The man calls out “B Fifteen”.
I holler “Bingo!”
Lost mah virginity.
She was damn fine.
Gave good milk, too.
Goin’ to a revival,
Gonna pray and witness.
Got antivenin?
It’s called a “sling blade”
Some calls it a “kaiser blade”
Reckon so. Mmm Hmm.
“It’s only common sense,
There are no accidents 'round here.”
“Damn” becomes “Die-yum.”
“Son-of-a-bitch” is “sumbitch.”
(Redneck syllables)
“Damn” becomes “die-yum.”
“Son-of-a-bitch” is “sumbitch.”
(Redneck syllables)
Goin’ deer huntin’.
If the rifle don’t kill none,
the SUV might.
Loadin’ my pistol
Drank too much Evan Williams
Shot my damn toe off
I loved my trailer
Till it slipped off the hillside
And into the holler
Come on, Officer
This shit ain’t none of my fault
He looked at me first
My cousin Lurleen
Wants to be a TV star.
Sez I, “Call Springer!”
“You and ol’ Cletus
Can go on the show about
Forkless fam’ly trees!”
“But get a contract.
You don’t want to end up like
My grand-brother Clem.”
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Maw asked my girlfriend,
“How did yer date go, Dolly?”
“Not baa-aa-aa-aad.”
What’s with redneck names?
They’re all designed so you can
Say them with bare gums.
Car dies near a farm…
Farm girl says, “You city boys
Shore have purty teeth.”
(by the way, you guys…
haiku three happened to my
bro-in-law - no lie!)
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Sprang done come early
Temps up in the seventies
Matching my IQ