IME your ex’s reaction isn’t as common as what I’ve seen which is usually anger (as supported by other posters above) in response to a false accusation. Sometimes anger and frustration take a short-cut to tears, but blanching at the sight of the OP and bursting into tears suggests being caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
Panic, upon realizing that a situation is being misinterpreted, will usually sent the accused running after saying: “No wait! It’s not what it looks like!!!”
But that’s neither here nor there. Even if it was all innocent, her choices were crap, and displayed a disregard for the OP and his feelings.
Well-said. I agree completely; her behavior is not consistent with someone who is trustworthy. There is no excuse for a person in an exclusive relationship to spend the night in a former boyfriend’s apartment, especially if she knows that you were waiting for her call to bring her home. Her story just does not ring true. Cut your losses and move on.
Better: While sitting unseen in the corner, watching the woman and her ex at the bar, call her cell phone. “Hey, it’s me. Yeah, I missed you last night. Are you okay? Uh huh. Where are you now? What are you up to? Having lunch with Elizabeth? Really? Because I CAN SEE YOU, BITCH.”
Okay, maybe not better, exactly, but equally appealing to one’s inner sadist.
Agree with those who said that, even if she is hopelessly naive and 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll always be doubting. That’s not good for wither of you.
Another thing i just realized: she didn’t spend the night with her ex, she spent the night AND most of the next day with him if they came in to the bar in the afternoon the next day.
The OP’s ex-gf is a silly girl, doing silly things. It sounds like you’re looking for an actual woman,** SHAKES**, who will be a good partner for you, not a silly girl.
And considering that it said in the OP that she normally didn’t work Saturdays but said she did for that day, and assuming that she didn’t actually have to work (since she wandered into the bar in the afternoon, I dunno if that was after her work hours ended or not), I would wager that she planned a little weekend getaway with her ex. Who she swore she hated. Only a week after committing to SHAKES.
SHAKES: If she didn’t actually have work, you really really did the right thing. If she did go to work that day and came in afterwards, merely subtract one “really” from the previous statement.
And like others have already said, she KNOWS it looks bad.
I can’t imagine spending the night at an ex-boyfriend’s house (one I supposedly hated), without my husband being very upset about it. And suspicious, and so on.
It’s odd behavior, even if she really did spend the night on the couch, fully clothed.
Bullshit. What happened to your deal, where you always picked her up, and she always liked it?
She was either throwing him a good-bye toss, or she was just trying to make sure she liked your chili better than his. Either way, you’re better off without her.
Hey, I’ve been going to this bar for 15 years! Much longer than she has. It’s only fair that I get custody of the bar. It’ll be much happier with me anyway.
How “ex” is this guy? Is he newly dumped? Maybe she hasn’t had the heart-to-heart break-up talk and they had to talk it all down. Now that doesn’t mean I think she handled it correctly (should have been a sober discussion…not one fueled by booze and emotions), but I can see where she might have been telling the truth regarding any intimacy, but still handled the whole situation incredibly wrong.
If you really dig this chick, I think it’s premature to drop her solely on what you’ve told us here. It might actually be the way to go, but I can certainly see this relationship picking up and moving forward, depending on a lot of details we don’t know in this thread.
Some folks will start another relationship only after they are free and clear of their previous relationship.
Some folks will start a relationship after they have broken up with their previous partner, but before they have lost the emotion bonds (e.g. on the rebound).
Some folks will terminate a relationship only after they have started a new relationship.
Some folks maintain more than one relationship at a time, either surreptitiously or with the consent of their partners.
Figure out what type(s) you can accept, and which type she is.
Shakes, you did the right thing. Through her own actions, she willfully threw away any trust she might have previously earned. You’re better off without the crazy, and she was obviously to immature to be in an exclusive relationship with anybody.
Or he may be setting himself up for 30 years of living in a blues song - his woman vanishing many nights. If she does this after one week, what would she do when she gets bored?
I’m guessing that lots of people in bad relationships had ample opportunity to see it coming ahead of time, and ignored the signs. Good for SHAKES to have done something about it before getting locked in.
I’m curious about whether she gets back with the ex or gets left high and dry.
