I’m not paying you to talk
“Fries are up.”
“Your sister was better. She let your mum watch.”
This fish…the fish…
Next time do me a favor and don’t let the dog lick my balls.
If I send you flowers tomorrow, it’s because you play dead so well.
Find that earring before my wife gets home would ya?
“Fuck off”
Is that rude enough?
You know your not nearly as good in bed as your mom.
You know your not nearly as good in bed as my mom.
Another one that fans of Angel might recall.
“Will you be thinking about me when I’m gone?”
“I wasn’t thinking about you when you were here.”
A friend was on the receiving end of: “It is in!”
(This is even worse with gay guys, as I’m sure you can imagine.)
You guys reminded me of the Chappelle sketch where he has the little music box that plays orchestra music, like they do to get Oscar talkers off the stage. Then his girlfriend uses it on him while looking bored in bed and says, “Wrap it up.”
“Well, that sucked!”
Whisper passionately, “Now roll over onto your stomach!” When they do – just leave. When they catch up to you - watching TV, making a sandwich, washing the car, whatever - act surprised. “What? I was done; thought you were, too!”
Oh…Uh!.. Um…Yeah. I just pooped a little. You might want to move.
A dear personal friend of mine once ended a session she wasn’t enjoying by throwing up on her partner.
She maintains that the throwing up was the most enjoyable thing that happened all evening.
I was on the receiving end of a similar session. She had a very sensitive gag reflex, and I wound up with her breakfast in my lap. I went from “Mmmm” to “BLECH” in a few seconds.
How about, at the moment of crisis, simply shouting out, “MOMMY!” I bet that whatever is going on will end pretty quickly.
“With a penis as small as yours, I never expected to come”
…jumping up immediately to shower and brush my teeth works for me…
That is not funny if you’ve ever had it happen.
Trust me. Just trust me on this one.
“Aaaaand… scene.”
And this story is even funnier in my head because I always thought you were a woman Vetbridge! (For no particular reason other than just preconceived notions.)
I suppose telling your partner that, “She fucks almost as good as her sister” would be a tad rude, no?