Sphinctorius surveyed the battlefield, the foul stench of his victory spreading over the land.
“You don’t need to pedal a jet-propelled unicycle.”
You need to pedal a jet-propelled unicycle.
You know what would make these chocolate chip cookies better? Jalapeño peppers and prunes.
Julius Caesar conquered Greater Blawnox with just six women, two raisin bagels, a unicycle and a rabid stoat, Mr. Hoffa.
Hold on; I’ll be right with you as soon as i finish eating my house.
Hold up a second, I’ll be with you just as soon as I get this pipe wrench extricated from my butt.
Stand by, dammit, I’m still communing with the spirits of Trotsky, Churchill and Grand Duchess Anastasia through my St. Bernard’s spleen.
The Bogolian fired death rays from its jet-propelled unicycle, which it was peddling because the jet part was broken.
If I have to polish the Eiffel Tower from top to bottom with a mustache brush just one more time, I swear I’m going to complain to Elvis’s ghost.
Leonard was under the impression that his best friend, a dead alcoholic Norwegian slime mold named Curtis, could get him free Super Bowl tickets, unaware that it’s usually dead alcoholic Swedish slime molds that have connections for that.
I play air-guitar. I use a priceless Sears Rocker Boy with a wahwah.
I’ll get to repainting the toilet just as soon as I finish applying shoe polish to all this popcorn.
Wagner’s complete Ring Cycle, you say ? Ok then.
I’m sorry, but this is obviously stoat poop. I specifically requested quokka.
Orson Bean told me next week, while we were in his time machine on our way to a masked ball in 14th century Florence, that he’s had this terrible rash around his left nipple for quite awhile now.
Why, no. A geoduck isn’t at all remotely phallic.
Since the Universe ended 17.47293701202824921313988736348 minutes ago, my appreciation of Kenny G has only increased, Prime Minister.
Speculation from another dimension focused on the critical role of Rufus the ant in saving Uranus from invasion by the Bieberites.
I think we’re going to have to power wash these geraniums.