I ditched all my recordings on MP3, DVD, CD, vinyl, and cassette and traded them all in for 8 tracks.
Boris Johnson could stay at 10 Downing Street for, jeez, years and years yet.
Said no dog ever:
“No, you have the last piece.”*
Said no cat ever:
“Please stop giving me such delicious food and so much of it! Oh, and I don’t think I’ll nap today at all.”
Said no ant ever:
I’ve gotta be me.
You lost the keys to your Volvo?No problem! Come on over to the dealership and we can just make you a new one just like on cars not made in Sweden. Thatll be 29.99!
Gee this Volvo makes a nice paperweight, if a bit boxy!
I haven’t eaten any hovercraft eels in, jeez, it has to be least three thousand years now.
I could tell you, but then I’d have to paint you turquoise.
Squeeze is a lot more turquoise than a cabbage, now ain’t it?
Well, i mean, if your house were made of soup, it would stand about six inches taller.
Said no horse ever:
I gotta see a horse about a man.
May the horse be with you, always.
I wish Earth was a little closer to the Sun.
Somebody should invent mint julep flavored snack crackers. They’d be great paired with a nice sharp cheddar or kimchi.
All I ask is that you push me down these stairs a few dozen times and then paint my shoes a particularly alluring shade of hot pink.
Where do I see myself in five years? Well, no question about it. I’ll be playing drums alongside Lars Ulrich in a William Hung cover band.
Oh yea? My buddy and I are gonna get Paul and Ring together and join them to make a much better band: The Better Beatles.
I’ve only been to the planet Neptune twice, and both times the airline not only lost my luggage but gave me a chewtoy in the shape of Dr. Ruth Westheimer. What’s up with that?
I always thought the phrase “said no one ever” referred to the opposite of something obvious, not a unique sentence with uncommon words unlikely to have been uttered.
So, more: “I really dislike the smell and taste of freshly baked cookies”. Less “The Government of Japan no longer recommends naming Samurai Tortoises after famous modern Spanish artists. These powerful heroes are in a full shell, not a half measure, and will don sacred balaclavas to thwart the ambitions of Mister Shreddies.”