Just gotta say (and this is not meant to be a downer at all), I had a situation a few years back with a friend with whom I was smitten. I wrote her a song and went down to Boston and surprised her and played the song and told her how I felt… and got a ‘thanks, but no thanks’, and even though we remained friends, it kind of ended the friendship; we grew distant, and I haven’t spoken to her in quite a while now.
But, it was incrediably exhilerating, and now, in retrospect, I’m glad I did it. As Binarydrone and others have said, and you’ve acted on, don’t ever leave yourself in a position to regret actions not taken. Even if things turn out disapointing in the moment, you’ll be able to look on this as a time when you took your life into your own hands, as opposed to letting it slide by, for better or worse.
OK, yeah, it was an e-mail; tacky but we communicate that way all the time; yes, a handwritten letter would have been nice, maybe cheesy (from her POV) but nice nonetheless. Besides it was a late night decision, I wanted to get it done while I had the state of mind to take the chance.
We expect a full account of every detail: glorious or dismally heart wrenchingly painfully sordid. Naturally, we (and I think I am speaking for all of us) all are pulling for an affirmation of the happiest kind.
Ale,
It could be she’s having a hard time trying to figure out what to say. I know that when I’m writing an email to someone I’m interested in, it takes me an excruciatingly long time to do it.
Maybe you can call her up and ask her if she’d like to grab a coffee or take a short walk in the park? Listen to everyone and try to meet her in person to talk about it. I guarantee you’ll thank yourself later.
[extra kick in pants]
Seriously. Call her up.
[/kick]
A truly Uruguayan would have showed up at her doorstep, red rose clenched between his teeth, kiss her passionately , nary a word (remember to take the rose out of your mouth first), and then you would both tango towards the sunset, to a life of debauchery and stereotypical Latino passion.
For some reason I don´t feel that bad about it, after a 2 year crush that´s odd; perhaps because this week I got the job I´ve been dreaming of for years that keeps me from falling appart.
I feel sad nonetheless, she´s one of those people one meets rarely, she understands my jokes while my friends say that I should hand a user´s manual beforehand; we both share a very similar personality, I can´t remember the times we´ve said to each other “me too!”; and she´s beautiful to boot.
sigh
Now I don´t know what to do, I want to call her to know what she thinks, but, on the other hand I don´t want to look as if I´m stalking her if she was offended by what I said. I think I´ll let this weekend pass, give her time to think, and then I´ll try to talk to her.
Hey, I´m all for that kind of stuff!; but then there are two possible outcomes, an everlasting, passionate love or a restriction order… 19th century romanticism is dangerous this days.
Besides I couldn´t tango if my life depended on it. The shame indeed. :o
No, that’s not odd and I don’t think you messed up. You did the hard part, you put your feelings out there, and that took guts. Whether or not it worked/is working/will work out, it’s better than going through the rest of your relationship unsure. Now she’s got to work up the same courage you had and let you know how she feels about it.
The friendship isn’t doomed yet, so don’t write it off.
Yeah, SolGrundy’s pretty well got it right. You followed your heart, which is never a bad thing. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, there’s no reason the friendship can’t be salvaged. Keep the faith, Ale, it’s a long way from over.
Whenever I’m in this situation and can’t do it face to face, I include ‘Please acknowledge that you have received this message’ amidst my declarations of love. Otherwise, I wonder if the silence is intentional or if my message was lost in delivery.
Life is short. Having made such declarations several times, I regret nothing.
You shouldn’t regret it. Even if the worst turns out to be true and she doesn’t feel the same for you, you could still end up good friends. It happens, I promise.
Have you considered that maybe she’s twisted in a knot trying to figure what is the next step? You know, for a Latin American country I hear that Uruguay is pretty first-worldish, but still, this ain’t Sweden baby. Maybe she is still expecting you to take the first step… what? you think an email counts for anything? Pick up the darn phone and find out now. That or get ‘gomina’ and a red rose ASAP.
Remember, Ale, no response doesn’t equal a bad response. It might seem like it, but it’s not the case.
You should call her, or or better yet, go to her place. You’re friends, you know each other well, lay it out there.
Knock on the door and when she answers, just say, “Look, I know it was abrupt, and our friendship means a lot to me, but I couldn’t go another day without you knowing that I love you. It doesn’t mean we can’t just be friends, but I couldn’t stand the thought of us living out the rest of our lives without you ever knowing that.”
Or something to that effect. Then wait, and she’ll answer. Whatever happens, good luck.
I know a lot of people here will disagree with this but you should never come out with your feelings to someone you like. ESPECIALLY not if you’re in friend territory (which you are so obviously in.) I’m sure someone will come along and say that this was not their experience or that I’m full of shit but trust me; coming out with your feelings like that is going to be a turnoff to 99% of the (non-doper) population.
What you have to do is show them how you feel, rather than tell, and I don’t mean flowers and dinner dates (in fact, flowers and dinner dates can be as bad as telling your feelings.)
You have to be yourself first of all (hint: most guys don’t want to lavish a girl with attention and flowers and gifts when they first meet her, they just feel like they’re supposed to. I know you didn’t mention buying her anything but I feel like I have to say that because so many people make that mistake.)
Second of all, you have to show her you respect her. That means showing interest in her interests, including her friends and family. Don’t do this if you don’t genuinely like them but I’ve found that nine times out of ten if you genuinely like a girl you will genuinely like her friends and family. This also means respecting her space. Don’t call her more than she calls you (or more than every couple of days if she’s not the type to call), and do not act “needy” or “clingy”. People hate that.
Last and most importantly: MAKE HER LAUGH. There is no bigger turn on to a girl than a guy that can make her bust a gut at his discretion.
Note: none of this applies to long term relationships. Don’t come in here and say “My [husband/wife] isn’t like that at all!” Well duh, of course you pour your feelings out to your SO, but it’s dating suicide to do it to a girl when you don’t even know if she’s interested in you. Get her interested, then work towards letting her know how you feel.
My honest opinion is that you probably made her feel pretty akward. I could very easily be wrong though and I still wish you all the best of luck. Let us know if you hear anything!
This has been mentioned, but I’d like to emphasize it: It’s possible she didn’t get your email. Emails just disappear sometimes, or they get accidentally deleted.
If you wish to preserve this relationship (and end the torture you’re going through), you need to contact her and find out if she got the email. You can have a strategy planned for whatever happens. If it turns out she isn’t interested in anything romantic, then you give the big “I hope we can get past this because I really want to keep your friendship” speech.
If she did get your email and hasn’t responded one way or another by now, she’s either kind of a bitch or is as emotionally immature as you were for not telling her your feelings face-to-face. Seriously, the email thing was wussy, and the message it gives a woman is that you do not have the courage to deal with life’s challenges. It was not a good mating call.
Sorry to hear she has left you hanging in limbo. I have to say that, personally, I think email is a perfectly legitimate way to express these kinds of feelings…gives you a chance to get everything out instead of possibly being interrupted or getting flustered like in real life.
HOW you tell someone this news isn’t (or shouldn’t be) the deciding factor in whether they return the feeling or not.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so nasty in my previous post.
You do, however, need to consider the possibility that she did not get the email (or maybe she’s out of town or her computer is down). Murphy’s Law tells us that the more important a message is, the more likely it is to get lost.
Good luck.
