SDMB, give me strenght ´cause I´m fessing up to her...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

So, you ask for advice. A number of people here who wish you only the best of luck advise that you do this in person, not by email. But you decide to do this by email anyway. OK…Now:

Scenario 1) You got lucky and the Cyber Gods ate your email. If so, offer many sacrifices at their shrine.

Then go see her. You’ve known her for three years, so waiting a few days or a week before you discuss this with her shouldn’t be that big a deal.

I read somewhere that in human communication, 20% of the message is in actual words and the other 80% is in voice tones, body language and facial expressions.
The problem with email and the like is that you can’t see facial expressions, can’t read body language and don’t hear tones of voice. You have no opportunity to respond to her reactions, and no chance to explain anything. You’ve limited yourself to 20% of your capability.

If you really want her for an SO, go see her. If you really don’t give a shit, send another email.

Scenario 2) You didn’t get lucky, your email went through and she has read it. In that case, if she were interested in your proposal she would have responded within, say, 20 minutes. There again, if she’s not interested in taking this to the next level it’s much easier for her to just do nothing, since you emailed her. Had you been there, face to face, you’d have had your answer before you left the premises.

In the OP you wrote: “I´d be hearthborke if this letter backfires and I end up loosing such a good friend,”

Why? A friendship such as this is going to be blown as soon as one of you starts dating someone else anyway. You might as well go for the brass ring and blow the deal while trying to serve your own best interests.

Oh, well. Good luck again!

42

Cisco, you need to type this up, print it out, laminate it and mail it off to every guy you can. I think you hit the nail right on the head.

I can tell you as a woman that I’ve always hated the “Heres how I feel about you… NO PRESSURE, but ball’s in your court now and if you don’t reciprocate, I’ll probably curl up in my sock drawer and sob for weeks” approach. It puts ALOT of pressure on you, seemingly out of nowhere sometimes.

Nevertheless, it’s out there. Ale, I would recommend calling her up and saying, “Hey. I know that email was really awkward, but I just wanted you to know how I felt. It’s a crush and I’m sure it’ll pass if not reciprocated, so if you don’t feel that way towards me, don’t sweat it. But you know, at the very least I think you should hook me up with one of your hot friends as a consolation prize. Heh.”

Take the pressure off of her, man. She may come around on her own if she doesn’t feel like she NEEDS to feel a certain way toward you.

43

This just a note to say that I´m reading all this, but I haven´t had the time to write a coherent response yet. :smack:
I´ll report later.

44

I have/had a female friend who feels/felt the same way. We were really close friends and after a year of talking she confessed her love to me. It bothered me at first but after a couple of weeks I grew used to it. In retrospect would i have preferred she not told me? Probably not, I got used to it. However her constant advances when i said i was not interested bothered me.

However we remained good friends. it was only when she got ‘tired’ of loving me that our friendship seemed to fall apart. We barely talk now. It sucks things worked out that way but the world isn’t perfect. But it just goes to show that after a confession like this that you can still be friends. had she not stopped talking to me we would still be good friends. I guess she got tired of me not responding to her advances after a while or something along those lines.

45

For what it’s worth, I did this myself once. I told a friend of 9 years that I was very much in love with her and have been for a long time. She turned me down as a boyfriend but it didn’t ruin our friendship - we’re still very close friends to this day. Maybe some day the stars will be in the correct alignment and we’ll end up together after all, but I’m not holding my breath, and I do feel better for having tried.

46

Is it later yet? :slight_smile:
Hey! I bookmarked this thread…and sent you heaps and bunches of good thoughts…

47

The suspense is killing me…

48

Me too, I’m sending good vibes also.

I think you should follow Shaolinrabbit’s advice.

49

She won´t talk to me; what a Greek tragedy. :frowning:

So… back to the old drawing board; let´s see, where did I left my affective life this time?

50

Awww… sorry Ale. That’s gotta suck.
Look at it this way, if she can be so cold and immature to someone that was a good friend, you’re better off without her. Go out there and get a nice girl.

51

This may sound like sour grapes, but it isn’t really. If she can’t find in her heart to talk to you, a loyal friend, then you are better off without her.

Now go out and learn how to dance tango.

52

Update.

She told me she´d like to keep things as they are now, she appreciates that I spoke my mind about how I feel about her and all that.
I like her as a friend, I could only wish things would have gone further, but I´m fine with this by now. =/

I´m so tired now, i´ll get some counsel from the pillow and hope tomorrow brings a shiny day.

53

Ahh, it sucks but such is life. In time it will become a learning experience.

54

At least you told her, and you don’t have to spend your time thinking 'what if…"