Hmm. Seem to be in the middle of a slow-motion-car-crash kind of episode. I’ve been trying to leave the house to get a haircut, but it’s 3.30 in the afternoon and it’s getting harder as time passes. Push on, push on…
Thanks for the welcomes. 
Dunkelheit, see your PMs.
I’ll probably go back to lurking as I don’t feel I have much to contribute beyond an annoying, “Hang in there”, but if anyone needs support I’ll pop up.
Hugs to all. It may not seem like it, but people care.
I haven’t left my room for almost a week, again. I’ve blown off 3 appointments this week, one of which might come back and bite me it the ass. (shrug) I also have to shower again, I just showered on Monday damn it!
I was going to say more, but it all just sounds like so much pathetic whining and I am soo tired of it all.
Hello and mental hugs to everyone here - I’ve read the whole thread and I absolutely do give a shit. Depression sucks. I’ve struggled with it, and generalized anxiety, for as long as I can remember - my mother took me to a psychiatrist for the first time age 5. However I can honestly say that so far, adulthood has been a big improvement - and although I had some bad years in my mid 20s, and the beginning of 2013 was rough due to losing someone I truly love - right now, I’m doing okay, and I have a lot of hope for my future. So good for me, I guess.. but I will still be keeping up here.
So sorry to hear the crap news. I’m always rooting for you, and your husband - it’s immensely inspirational to me that you continue forward and are so productive (maybe you don’t feel like you are, but to me you’re like a superwoman) while dealing with persistent depression, after all you’ve been through, and considering how much life has thrown at the both of you recently. You two really have a beautiful relationship and I hope things start to look up very soon. Heck, at this point I’m practically offering up prayers that your husband just gets to finish his damn degree and do what he wants to for a living! And I’m an atheist.
My husband and I came here to Florida for employment, not knowing the economy was going to tank and he’d get laid off again. So now here we are, senior citizens, in very real danger of losing our home. Social Security giveth and taketh away; if you can find a job, for every $2 you make they take away one.
Add a lot of major health issues to the always simmering mental health challenges and you’re in quite a stew.
I try to tell myself that we’d be free to go anywhere we want to. And it’s true. I just don’t know where we’d go.
why is it that assistance is so damnably hard to get and so desperately need by many and yet they have all this crap set in place that if you attempt to dig yourself out of it, it all falls through, there are no realistic working functional plans for helping people get off assistance. They only thing you can do is unreported cash on the barrellhead work to try and make things better…and that is few and far between as anything else.
Thanks so much for your kindness, rhubararin. That really was very heartwarming to read.
strange but true story, I saw a little dog I absolutely fell in love with in a pet store (a red Min Pin) but could in no way afford. I had a great deal of depression and stress at the time because I had just been declared disabled, my mother and father were both having problems and needed me greatly, my husband was starting to get weird about things, my physical health was begining to fail…It was one of those avalanche cascades that basically picks you up and throws you in the pit.
Next day after seeing that dog, I won 1000 from a radio station.
I went and bought that dog. best 13 year (oh I wish It could have been longer) investment ever, she IS what kept me alive during some of the darkest times of my life. My therapist even got her labeled as a psych aid dog so I could take her places with me as a companion animal. I have her remains and they will be added to mine when I am cremated.
Pets can make a truely amazing difference. I honestly feel that if you have a licensced assistance animal of some type, insurance should pay out, at least a tiny bit, towards the cost of such, because its not just a pet, its life assistance aid. They pay for wheelchairs and such…
I know I would be doing so much better if I had a dog right now…but I can not afford one.
I’ve had TIA’s, they can also be caused by drops in blood pressure, which mine were. They are scary, but it is seldom that anything “triggers” them, they just bloody well do it when they feel like it. ( in one case I was driving but had presence of mind to get the hell off he road ASAP and flag down a car to call for help.)
Contributing to a great thread…
Recently diagnosed w/ depression, the biggest shock is that I’ve been going through my life pretty consistently thinking it was just normal to feel this way. When I filled out a screening questionnaire at the doctor was the most revealing…
Do you avoid meeting new people? Of course, doesn’t everyone?
Do you have trouble maintaining hobbies? Of course, doesn’t everyone?
Do you find trouble building enthusiasm for projects? Of course, doesn’t everyone?
Are you annoyed or angered by people asking how you’re feeling? Hell yeah!
Is it a struggle getting out of bed to face the day? Damn straight, fuck this constant daily day-facing!
…and so on…
-Congratulations Mr Gargoyle, you have moderate/severe chronic depression!
–Nonsense Doc, why, I recently found an episode of Friends to be quite hilarious!
-Well, Mr Gargoyle…
Now, when I look back on college when I actually locked myself in my bedroom during finals week to prevent my roommates from physically dragging me out of bed to go take my exams, there may have been some subtle signs I should have clued in on…
Yesterday was payday. Which I had been eagerly awaiting, since all my bills are overdue and utilities are about to be shut off. Before I went on medical leave, I had a couple bad weeks at work, and lost a bunch of hours due to going home early and stuff. So, I got a little further behind than usual.
They fucked up my fucking paycheck! :mad:
My boss, at my request, entered 39 hours of vacation time for me. My timecard printout confirms it. My paystub, however shows 6 vacation hours. SIX. HOURS.
So now I’m flat broke, I have to get in touch with the payroll dept., which has to wait until Monday, I may have had 33 vacation hours just go poof, gone forever, and I soon will be without heat, electricity, water, and internet. I am so fucking stressed out. I can’t DEAL with this!
Had to vent, sorry to be so negative, today.
I’m taking progesterone supplements this month. Already, the method of administration of these things is unpleasant - hint, it’s not oral - but now I’m feeling some seriously insane mood swings. I was ready to ram people with my cart at Wegmans for being in my fucking way, and I almost ate the checkout guy’s face when he started chatting with the woman ahead of me, and giving her directions, and then turning over every piece of fruit looking for the sticker code when he could LOOK IT UP IT’S OBVIOUSLY A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT.
Then I sat in my car and bawled.
My husband is going to love coming home to this tonight.
{{{Antigen,}}}
Not quite the same, I know, but I’ve tried a couple different kinds of hormonal birth-control that turned me into a tear-soaked psycho-bitch.
Hormones suck.
Ms. Pumpkin, surely they won’t do anything over the weekend?
Antigen, maybe you can get most of it out here.
You mean the utilities being shut off? No- it won’t happen this weekend, but it will certainly happen in the next two weeks, before I get paid again(even if the owe me money, it will just be added to my next check, which isn’t going to help me now). Gah!
Totally unrelated thought- I should start my therapy journal- I’m the worst procrastinator I know.
Anyone feel like sending me some positive vibes? Didn’t get out of bed till 8pm, and I’ve spent the last 4 hours pretty much just crying and chain-smoking. I feel so stupid. It’s not like today is any different than yesterday, so why am I feeling so much worse?
Ms. Pumpkin, I can’t answer your question, but please brace yourself for all the positive vibes coming your direction.
Hugs.
Ms. Pumpkin…Why? Because you got screwed out of the hours that were going to help you out.
If I was there we could get a six-pack and go down to the levee. (My equivalent to Snowboarder’s Let’s throw stuff in the quarry.)
{{{{{{Ms Pumpkin}}}}}}
You’ve been unfairly treated, and that makes everything feel worse. I hope it gets resolved in time so that you don’t suffer unnecessary consequences. Is there any way to get an advance on the next cheque for the money that should have gone on this one?
{{{{Pumpkin}}}}