** Ask the woman who had a BMI of 36, had gastric bypass surgery a year ago and is thrilled about it.
I’m dreaming I’m eating–tell me about your “Oh, shit!” dreams**
I dreamed I was so fat I stopped traffic - there was no room for it to get by.
** RIP Autolycus
To Apologize or Not to Apologize**
It probably doesn’t matter any more. 
**Today’s Google logo
My hard nipple **
Actually, it uses both of them.
** I Pit Anonymous User
I Pit the ID-demanding GOP vote-suppressors **
:rolleyes: One-uppers.
** Poll: Have you marched in a parade?
Charging Your Phone in a Power Outage?**
Why yes, in the Synchronized Cellphoners Marching Band last Fourth of July. Our “Stars And Stripes Forever” ringtones brought down the house.
** What was the first heavy metal song?
Boston Market is doing ‘Failure pile in a bowl of Sadness’.**
That’s my fave, though I also liked ‘More Than A Feeling’.
**Season of mists and mellow sequential threads
Colorado legalized it! **
Thus creating a very mellow season…
Colorado legalized it!
Burgers In Space
About time!
**Is Donald Trump mentally ill?
…", said no one ever
**
**Shortage of…Mice???
What an odd way for my television to die. **
I’d say! I thought those things were hamster-powered.
Tell us one thing about yourself
I am a dumbass!
Well, we did suspect, but thanks for confirming it. 
**He is entitled to his opinion
…", said no one ever **
Ask the conspiracy theorist
He’s entitled to his opinion
Sure, but I’d appreciate it if he didn’t explain it to me over lunch.
**I have a new girlfriend
A Jewel of a Horse
**
** Platonic friends spoon, he gets a boner she gets upset…
Lost your car keys?**
Sorry babe, but there’s no need for you to get snarky about it.
**Movies Everybody Else Likes Which You Hate…And Vice-Versa
I really loved the Doom movie
**
What music would you recommend given that I like the following:
Most hilarious fart scenes
Frank Zappa.
** Sex is a mortal sin in the Catholic Church
If you can’t remember it then it didn’t matter?**
**Money problems/How to solve them?
How much to star in a porno? **
** noisy bluetooth speaker
Best ways to talk to the demented**
Moving your lips without making a sound is also fun.