If she wanted it, she’d do it.
The reason why this is not happening is not money/parents/culture/whatever. It’s that she doesn’t want it enough.
Let me repeat this- she is a 26 year old adult woman with a job and savings. There is no reason- no reason at all- why she cannot be independent. She is not a leaf floating on a stream being tossed to and fro by the currents. She has chosen her lifestyle. She apparently is continuing to choose this lifestyle. She would rather continue with her life as is it than be with you. This is obvious and apparent in her actions. Words don’t mean anything. If she wanted to be with you, she would act on it.
She is choosing not to be with you.
Don’t ask me why she’s doing this. The very fact that she is choosing to live at home as an employed woman in her mid-twenties is already a huge red flag. That is not normal in our society. We expect people at that age to be financially and emotionally independent and to have a variety of life experiences to draw on. Someone who does not seek that out probably has something wrong with them. Maybe she has low self-esteem, a social anxiety problem, a clingy streak, weird family stuff or is just plain scared of the world. Either way, something is wrong with her and it will likely cause problems further down the line.
What I’m seeing is that she is getting all the emotional support of having a boyfriend without having to do any of the work. I’m sure this is a very comfortable position for her, and she certainly doesn’t seem interested in changing it. But it’s hell on you and IMHO you deserve better.
If I were you, I would seriously think about how serious you are taking this relationship. Give yourself a timeline that you think is reasonable- I’ve seen guys get strung along for years by girls like this, just keeping their lives on hold hoping one day the girl will choose to be with them. Not surprisingly, when the girls finally do grow up enough to get out on their own, they toss the old play boyfriend aside and find someone new for their new life. So do yourself a favor and decide now how you’ll know at what point enough is enough.
Then share your concerns honestly and openly. But keep in mind your limitations, because chances are she’ll know what to say to keep you hanging on.
She’s been in that “cozy hospitable environment” eight years longer than our society really accepts. Think about it this way- if she had a kid at the age when most North Americans expect to move out, that kid would be eight years old.
At this point, there is something more at play that simply liking your Dad’s house.