Sex is overrated

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Before you respond, I know what you’re thinking: “well, you must not be doing it right.”

Please understand, I’m not saying I don’t enjoy sex. Nor is this some sort of attempt to pit my own lack of sex (I’m actually dating someone right now, and she’s crazy wild in bed). And I am not trying to disparage a romantic, loving relationship, of which sex is an important aspect.

But I can’t get over the thought that sex just isn’t as great as we make it out to be. Everywhere you turn in modern society, you see this subtle reminder that sex is the be-all, end-all of human existence. Ours is a culture that is always selling sex: the need to be sexy, to “get some”, to buy that car or wear those clothes or smoke that cigarette, all because it will somehow make you more likely to get laid.

I just don’t get it. Even at its best, sex is just a few seconds of physical bliss (I’m referring to the orgasm, so I’ll thank you to keep your premature ejaculation jokes to yourself. If you insist, then I’ll concede the fun of foreplay and admit to about an hour of titillation and pleasure). Is this really worth all of the fuss?

Whenever I’ve gone through periods of celibacy, I’ve been so much more productive. I’ve read more books, worked harder at work, gotten more exercise. When I’m trying to have sex, I spend more money on useless pursuits and end up doing all sorts of things that are really just a waste of time: going on dates where I listen to music I don’t really like, eat food I’m not crazy about, and just find myself doing pointless things that I don’t care about, all so I can convince the girl to give up some physical contact.

The more sex I have, the more I think it just doesn’t live up to all of that wasted trouble. Sex? Fuck it, I say. Give me just a few minutes of “me time” once a week, and let me go about my productive life without a constant pursuit of this annoying physical predilection and all of the lifestyle demands it makes.

2

Is that you, George Constanza?

:smiley:

3

Moving thread from IMHO to MPSIMS.

4

What’s really overrated is sexual orientation. Why politicize yourself based on something you are not doing most of the time?

5

You were more productive, healthier, and so forth, but were you happier?

Look, sex for sex’s sake isn’t worth it. Yes, it feels great, but it may not be worth the giant pursuit of it. I’ll grant you that I don’t understand those who pursue sex outside of a romantic relationship or at least romantic attraction (as opposed to physical attraction). But sex within such a relationship is so much more than the sum of the physical experience.

6

Not necessarily. Sex inside a relationship only fosters intimacy if both partners desire intimacy. This is not always the case.

I’m with the OP. It’s nice and all, and there really is nothing that can make you feel so good, but it’s not something I have ever wanted to pursue relentlessly and single-mindedly. It’s an important part of a relationship, but it’s not the only vital part of one. I am most definetly in the minority in this opinion, but there it is. If I had to choose between a life full of books, activities, friends and a job I love vs sex–I’d choose the former. YMMV.

7

Oooh, I never thought of it that way before.

Agreed with the OP. Though it is way better than I used to think it was.

8

It’s not the act of sex that is the sum total of sexual orientation. It’s who I choose to spend my life with in and out of the bedroom that defines me and if that’s a partner of the same gender, then I will most certainly politicize it.

9

Maybe sex, like everything else, is just different for different people.

I mean, compare it to music. Lots of people genuinely enjoy music, but it isn’t really all that important to them. Others live and breathe music, whether listening to it or playing it or writing it…

< insert “this one time, at band camp” joke here >

Personally–I guess I’m the opposite of the OP and some of the other respondents here.

See, now, I think it’s totally worth it.

10

Is it the sex part you’re really thinking of, or the relationship part?
Cause when I’m in a relationship, that’s where I get distracted, where I put off things like reading a good book. It’s not the sex that causes me to set things aside, the sex just comes with the relationship.

The things you are describing in your post, “listen to music I don’t really like, eat food I’m not crazy about, and just find myself doing pointless things that I don’t care about” is that all just to get nookie? Or are you getting a relationship out of it, a companion, someone to share your day-to-day life with?
If your relationship is all about doing things you don’t really like, it’s time to find a middle ground, or a new girl.

11

My comment was intended to cut more into the fact some people want to prevent SSM and even prevent same-sex cohabitation. They are the ones who get worked up over sexual orientation, despite three decades of “loud and proud”.

12

I didn’t want to be the first to say it, but me too.

13

I’m pretty sure that there are things I enjoy more than sex. I certainly would never go to great lengths to have it, nor would I be likely to pursue it outside of a relationship. Sex is a great thing to share with my SO, but other than that it doesn’t hold much value for me. It probably doesn’t even make the list of things that I really love about my relationship. And yes, I have had thoughts of “maybe I’m not doing it right,” but all the fundamentals are there; I just can’t see what’s so mind-shatteringly wonderful about it.

14

I agree with the OP. And Amygdala.

I like it when I have it…like it best when there’s more than just “fucking some guy” going on. But there are a lot of things in this world that I like a lot more. I do not miss it when it’s gone.

I also realize that people are wired differently, and I’m wired this way.

15

Know what’s better than sex? Wanting sex. Sexy things are much better than the act itself. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to have sex with these sexy things, though.

Don’t they say men think about sex every .2 seconds? Sex sex sex sex.

16

Possibly a professional one, paid by the hour…

17

Well, after 35 years with the same partner I’m just as excited about it as I was back then. Yeah, it’s just part of a relationship, but a damn major part. I think some of you might not have found the right person yet.

18

Yeah, who the hell needs sex, relationships, or anything with a person that is liked and likes you. It’s all over-rated. I’m soooo happy being single, I could just explode with joy. Bah, this thread totally came at the wrong time for me sorry. I just had a really good night with friends at a party, with a bonfire and everything, where I got to witness a girl I liked being hit on and liking it by a guy I only invited to the party as a formality. I feel like a fucking waste of oxygen. Aaarrugh. So yeah, fuck sex.

19

Autolycus, you are confusing and conflating the sex act with a lot of other social things that have little to nothing to do with sex. This is fairly common, and is one reason sex is so overrated.

Sex is like religion: Find something that works for you, don’t knock anyone else’s choice unless someone’s getting hurt, and if you confuse it with love you’re only going to end up getting screwed.

20

Agree with ya Atomick on the part about sex being over-rated in our culture, or shoved into selling things.

OTOH there is a component to sex with “that one person” which defies explanation. I wish I could transmit to you how it feels. It took me 40 years to find out what all the brouhaha was about the sex act - many times in my youth it was as casual as shaking hands.

I know it sounds trite, but if you are participating in movies you don’t care for, or food you don’t like … if that’s what the potential partner likes and you don’t, you are NOT going to have a fulfilling sex life.

Yes, sex is not the be-all and end-all of relationship. I look at it more like icing on the cake. Sex (or the chance of hooking up) shouldn’t be the first thing on a person’s list when looking for a potential mate. Great sex happens between people who connect on several levels. It’s part of the “us” which no body else shares with the two of you (regardless of gender).