Good grief. Some of them might be, but a lot of them are asking to be sure you have a job and aren’t like their last boyfriend who couldn’t manage to stay employed and expected them to support him.
BORING and shallow. Women want more substance than that which is why they’re asking what you do with your life.
Blind PEOPLE date, you know.
I’ve never asked that either. I’m thinking the guys who keep getting asked questions like that seriously, are somehow aiming for the shallow end of the pool to begin with, IYKWIM.
You know, it’s possible that a woman might find a guy attractive because he’s motivated to do interesting things.
Lots of successful women out there who don’t need a man for his money, and they’re not interested in a guy who works at a minimum wage job he hates, lives with his parents, doesn’t own a car, and next year is going to be in exactly the same position. Why? Because that guy is a loser.
But she might very well be interested in a guy with no job and no car if that guy has something, anything, going for him. Lots of guys who don’t have regular jobs have plenty of women interested in them, because they’ve got plans. If you don’t have a job because you spend all your time rehabilitating orphan squirrels that’s a lot different than if you’re sitting home watching TV.
You men know when you take a look at a woman and ask yourself what she has to offer? Is she cute, is she fit, is she DTF, is she not-crazy, is she fun to be around, is she kind, would she embarrass you in front of your friends?
You’re trying to date women because you want something. Otherwise you stay home and re-organize your collection of vintage traffic signs.
Now do something extremely difficult. You want something from the women you are trying to date. Now realize that they want something from the men they’re trying to date. What do these mysterious creatures want?
If you believe they’re asking about how you spend most of your waking life because they’re trying to measure the height of your wallet, then you might as well give up. I’m sure there are some mercenary human beings out there. But there are a lot easier ways to make money than to grift it out of middle-aged losers in dead-end jobs.
Maybe you can’t control being short and ugly. But you can work on yourself. Get over that crippling social anxiety. Get some counseling to figure out why you’re so miserable in your life and fix that. Figure out what you want in life and turn yourself into the type of person who can achieve that. Or sit around and complain that women only want your money. You can’t change most things about yourself, but you can change being a whiny bellyacher.
Uh, yeah. I’m a woman. This has NOT been my experience. At all.
By this you mean sex with others. With the rise of the sex bot combined with chat bot technology (with a built in off switch for the later!) I can safely predict the demise of the human race. Any guy can have the woman or women of his dreams for prices far less than pursuing and maintaining a ‘real’ relationship. Just some regular maintenance, similar to lubing the car - things most guys are good at - and you can bang to your heart’s content. Trade the thing in when it gets old and worn out. No problems (drama), no diseases, no kids, and no having to clean up the dishes, make the bed, walk the dog, or well, lube the car (sex bots will be multi-functional).
If we assume that a hive mind was interested in keeping its existence a secret, then this is exactly what we’d expect it to say, isn’t it?
Yes, women are individually different - everyone is - but this doesn’t mean that broad commonalities don’t exist across a significant segment of a group, just like how every tree in a forest may be individually different but still share the common characteristics of trees. In the same way that many men, regardless of age, ethnicity, national background, race, etc. are drawn to women who are visually attractive, many women are drawn to men who are confident, capable, wealthy, successful, humorous, etc. So while “hive mentality” isn’t accurate, there are often similar commonalities within a group.
This reminds me of a Cracked articlefrom several years ago. In point 6# (the article lists 6 points,) the author points out that many men focus their attentions on attractive women while ignoring unattractive women, and then extrapolate and think that those attractive women’s advantages (i.e., being able to be initiated to and not have to do any initiating of their own) applies to other, less attractive women as well.
Maybe “Silent Minority” could be used to describe men and women who are like this - there are many unattractive men and women whose plight simply goes ignored by society.
And this article written by a woman in her 30s is one of the best ever written about this topic. It points out some of the societal attitudes that harm people who are struggling due to being less attractive - attitudes such as dismissal of such people’s plight, or an assumption that “there’s someone for everyone,” etc. There are even people who will essentially say, “Everyone’s attractive, you just need to believe in yourself; it’s your fault you’re unattractive.” (Just read the comments section.) I think that the reason that society often dismisses or even taunts unattractive people’s plight is because society doesn’t want to believe that bad things can happen to good people - essentially a form of victim blaming.
Shallow? No-ooo. Maybe its just all the decades of drought where they’re from…?
=D&R=
That is very well written. I don’t know the answer; the comments to the article may be unhelpful, but I’m not ready to say they’re completely wrong, either.
True, I use to get hit on a lot but never so much as when I was wearing an engagement or wedding ring. I think they assume that if we do fool around with them, it’s only a one time thing because we have a life with someone else.
Heeeeeeey, maybe I should start sporting my wedding ring again… that would require that I leave the house, though… hmmmm… hump or dink
Yep.
“Sex” isn’t hard to get. Sex with a partner you want may be hard to get.
So often in these threads, people compare a man’s ability to have sex with a partner he wants to a woman’s ability to have sex. Yes, it’s true that many or most women can find a sex partner, if they are willing to have sex with anyone willing to have sex with them. The same is true for men. If you don’t care if the person is criminal, gross, boring, stupid, violent, and ugly, you can find a partner.
Many or most people don’t find sex with a criminal, gross, boring, stupid, violent, and ugly person all that appealing. Hmm. Such a mystery.
Good lord, I know of a couple of dudes that frequent (hell, live there) a local neighborhood bar I go to. They seemingly spend all their time, drinking, smoking cigarettes and eating crap food. They break a sweat climbing a single flight of stairs. Then they have the audacity to boast about how “good” they are in bed.
Um… Yeah dudes, I’m sure you all are a real treat in the bedroom. [Roll eyes times infinity]
Guys of all ages who constantly brag about how much p*ssy they’re getting, and how good they are in bed, usually aren’t. Period.
There are exceptions, of course.
p.s. Drinking, smoking cigarettes, and eating crap food are all “wood killers”.
Oh, you think so, huh? Well… milk is not milk is not milk… Some women have magic holes… some women are just naturally small and tight with no real smell or taste about them… I’ve heard about different milks from different guys… that shit has an expiration date… btw, I drink Almond milk and it stays fresh a lot longer… just saying
If anything, sausages are sausages… some are bigger and some are smaller but they can always make up for their short comings… not as easily done if that bitch’s expire date is being ignored… and someone recently sent me a link of ugly milk cartons… WeehooWHOA! I had nooo idea…
Maybe it helps to have perky boobs and to be walking instead of driving.
Here’s the thing about FWB (as someone who has been in more than one)
The most important part of that acronym is friends.
Are you actually being friends with the person you’re occasionally fucking? Do you talk when you’re both not naked? Do you like spending time with each other, other than the sex part? Do you have common interests? Do you trust them? Do they trust you?
Are you, actually, friends?
Because most of what y’all have been talking about here is not FWB - it’s just casual sex with an acquaintance. And that’s fine, nothing wrong with it. But it’s really important to clarify the difference.
I’ve been in…three? major FWB situations.
Didn’t work out because I was totally in love with him, and he was very happy to accept my emotional affection and sex without loving me back. Eventually we officially became a couple, but it didn’t last because 1) He was a manipulative asshole and 2) I was still way more into him than he was into me. (hey, I was 17 when we met, 17-year-olds are stupid) We no longer speak, due to him still being a manipulative asshole.
Really cool guy, we were never a couple but we liked each other a lot. Started out as casual sex and wound up with a real friendship. Ended when he met The Girl and fell in love with her almost at first sight. He’s still married to her, we’re still friends and hang out frequently.
Moved in with a guy friend, started sleeping together. We were FWB for nearly a year while he got over his ex, then after he had healed we became a couple. It lasted four years, but eventually it ended because while I loved him I knew he wasn’t who I wanted to marry, and it was time to fish or cut bait, so I cut bait. Again, we’re still friends, and I’m also friends with his girlfriend.
The point is, if you try to be FWB with someone who isn’t an actual friend, it just gets ugly. One person falls in love with the other, without reciprocation (I have seen this many times, and it’s about equal whether the guy or the girl is the one who develops Inappropriate Emotions), or becomes possessive without also being willing to commit, or something like that.
If you want a true FWB, talk to the people of your preferred sex with whom you are friends. You do have some actual friends like that, right? Don’t be creepy or stalky, take no for an answer, and don’t approach someone you have a crush on, just someone who’s a friend. See what happens.
Okay, well… I do consider this guy to be my friend, I totally trust him and we do things together like a couple of friends would. The problem is that he does like me, a lot. In fact, he says he likes me more and more with every day that passes.
We have been hanging out since December of last year and we started trying to have sex after approx 4 months. I say, “trying” because he didn’t fit in me. (That’s a whole other topic and yes we tried lots of lube. He’s not incredibly big but I guess I’m small. The first times, he ripped me.<ouch> Yes, lots of lube, very slowly, with lots of foreplay. I’ve looked it up, consider all the suggestions were taken by us.)
Ah shit, is it too late for me to change my user name?
I keep telling him that I don’t have romantic feelings for him but he seems to think that because I do nice things for him and because I spend time with him that I must be lying to myself or him or whatever. I’m a very honest person and I’m a nice, considerate person… I remember totally falling for this guy I met who said he was totally into me also. He use to say that he had the biggest crush on me, etc. Well, I fell for the guy more and he ended up breaking it off 4 months later because he said he was looking for “the one” and I wasn’t it. Thing is, I felt so deeply for him that I totally assumed it was mutual. I was such an idiot… but, I really do think he led me on. The fact that he “likes” my facebook pictures irks me especially since I asked him to block me so I wouldn’t be able to stalk him online. Geeze… so I’m thinking that maybe this guy is experiencing the same kind of thing towards me that I felt towards the other guy.
Okay, so we are friends. It’s probably a big deal that I don’t really leave the house… because of a spinal injury that causes me chronic pain. I can walk and by all appearances, I look normal but I get horrible, GOD AWFUL, OMFG, KILL ME type of head pains and during those times, I can only hold my head and wait for them to pass. This has happened while I was out by myself and it was sooooo embarrassing … people calling 911, people trying to lay me down, talk to me… I can’t talk during that time and I can’t be moved… just have to wait for it to pass… So, for this reason, I’m afraid to go out…
Okay, so does it make better sense now? I can’t work and I have two senior dogs that require a lot of my attention. All my stuff is in Nj and I’ve run out of the money I got for selling my car. For those reasons and others, i don’t feel as though I have much to offer someone so I quit those dating sites. I met lots of great guys but there were only a couple that I truly liked… and they didn’t last long. Then there are the guys who propose within 5 minutes of meeting. Really? Each time, I was thinking, “Okay, there must be a lot of crazy bitches out there bc they think they’ve met someone normal and so they’re trying to jump on it, quick style.” Yeah, yeah,… then I met that one guy and fell for him within 20 minutes… Life loves to teach me lessons whenever I have dumb, girly thoughts in my head…
Yet again, I digress…
So, yes,… we are friends and I have other friends here in Vegas but they’re all guys… guys that I met at dating sites that I remained friends with. I’ve been here almost 3 years and I don’t go out so I haven’t really made friends and the reason I’m here is because my mom retired here. Sad and pathetic, right?
You know what I saw wrong with that article? The author was waiting for someone else to make her dating life happen. She blows off that idea as having thought of it in college as something she was too conservative to do, but she’s now 33 and still wondering why she’s never been kissed. I can guarantee you she’s not where that could take place (like a sci-fi con) or doing anything but using her ‘status’ as some sort of armor around her to prevent feeling vulnerable.
I’m okay in the looks department. There’s been only a couple of times in my life that I’ve been the ideal size, and mostly, I describe myself as fluffy. I kind of have a Moon Pie face, never liked long hair, only wear makeup occasionally, and don’t really have many girlie traits or interests (like a lot of guys prefer) going for me. Yet, I never really lacked for much male attention. Why?
Because 1) I figured women should take on the possibility of rejection just as much as men. I felt this way all the way back to high school, when I was shot down more than once. I lived. 2) If I wanted to date, I played up my strengths. Back in the day, it was being athletic, so I looked for fellow softball players. Or I sometimes used the quirky thing, and won a guy over by my love of scary movies or whatever. Finally, 3) I’ve tried to work the hell out of having a good personality and being a stand alone person, with or without anyone else attached. So, if you’re taking care of you, being kind and helpful to others, then I think (generally speaking) that gives you a leg up.
Therefore, going off the above, I wonder if that woman does any of that? I saw her byline, so I looked up her picture. She’s certainly attractive enough. I’m positive there’d be plenty of guys interested in a writer chick who (according to the article) loves Star Wars, has been to college, lives their own life, has plenty of friends, is active in her church and has kitties. The only issue is whether she’s willing to actually go after what she says she wants, or would she rather just be defensive about it on the internet.
Because from where I sit, she sounds like she’s totally making that a large part of her identity. If she was just willing to fail some, I bet she’d see changes.
I had quite a different reaction to that article; I almost felt like I could have written it. I haven’t been quite as hopeless as she has, but pretty damn close. I’ve asked women out, and tried to expand my social circles, and joined clubs, and tried to meet people online, and lost 30 pounds. And none of it seems to matter; it’s like trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but without any bootstraps. And no one I discuss it with ever seems to comprehend how futile it’s all been.