How about troll-house cookies?
KRISTINA’S TROLL HOUSE COOKIES
1/2 c. peanut butter
6 oz. chocolate chips
5 c. crispy cereal
Measuring cup, tablespoon, pan, waxed paper
Put peanut butter and chips in a pan. Heat slowly and stir until melted. Mix in cereal gently and drop cookies from spoon onto waxed paper. Chill until set.
Imaginary Girlfriend:
1 oz. Galliano
1 oz. Green Chartreuse
1 oz. Vodka
Directions:
Masturbating Alone Again Tonight.
1 oz. baby lotion
1 small towel
1 tattered copy of Hustler.
1 live chicken
Directions.
Choke chicken
Post
Choke chicken
Post
Repeat for 100 pages.
Song selections:
One
Alone again, naturally
All by myself
Only some nights and there is nothing wrong with that. I have already been dumped and half-dumped this week in person but I am waiting on a call the Russian poker player that could come at any time tonight. We aren’t going out tonight but she already agreed to this week.
I currently have 138 likes in my Match.com queue, 25 on Bumble and 53 on Tinder. That is just too much for anyone to handle so I am very selective. I tried dating multiple people at once and it just didn’t work for me so it is just serial dating from now on.
That creates gaps of a couple or few days between ending one and starting the next. That is why I always have to have reserves on the bench. It takes too long to find qualified candidates if you start from scratch every time. Really good ones tend to volunteer at the least opportune times. I have ways to put them on hold at least for a little while until they get their turn. The unqualified ones don’t even get a response.
. . . says the drip-drip-drip of Shag-nas-ty’s syph-il-itic prick.
At least know we know where the troll’s dementia comes from.
Skittle Bombs:
Take bottles of unflavored vodka and packs of skittles.
Pick a skittle color and put them all in a bottle. Shake until they dissolve.
Freeze to chill before serving
That was pretty funny. I recommend it if you’ve got a few minutes to waste.
(BTW some NSFW lyrics and mild blurred nudity for those that like that sort of heads-up but it is entertaining.)
He seems pretty awesome but the only way to tell is to find out what his armpits actually smell like. Unfortunately, you can’t do that from a computer so the jury is still out.
Ewww! That is just gross.
Sounds like a regular Everyday Normal Guy.
Jon Lajoie knows how to talk to ladies: (NSFW language… I mean, do you even need that warning, in the Pit?)
Dopers would have loved to be a fly on the wall for my date tonight. She is a Russian that has been in the U.S. for 20+ years but sounds like she just got off the plane and a high-stakes professional poker player (as in thousands of dollars a day or much more). We both live in Massachusetts but she chose our date to be at the gigantic Foxwoods casino in Connecticut about 80 miles away.
I already knew her well online, on the phone and text messages but had never met her in person. She showed up decked to the nines with Prada boots, designer clothes and two huge diamond rings that I can’t even imagine how much they cost.
She suggested the restaurant within Foxwoods and it wasn’t a cheap one. The food was great but the service was terrible because it was so busy. She ordered the filet mignon and a whole bottle of wine for herself among many other things and made me get the waiter and bartender personally whenever she needed something including water. Of course I paid for it $200 later just for a casual hangout.
She complained about the tax bills on her 1.5 million dollar house, explained to me why I needed to get rid of my facial hair, told me how it was pathetic that I only spoke one language while she spoke four and insulted my math skills when I couldn’t apply her casino discount to the bill and add back in a substandard tip in just a few seconds when she could do it while looking at the bill upside down.
That said, it wasn’t a bad date overall and I had a good time. Russians are just very direct but can be sweet in their own way. She later got us free tickets to a live John Oliver comedy performance that was great, was very snugly and hand-holding in an innocent way and walked me to the valet to make sure I got my car.
She is also very attractive and over 40 so I have to rescind some of my prior opinion of that. I am going from one extreme to the other. I can’t afford her in the long-term but I would do it again as long as I prepare myself for more insults and reasons why she is better than I am. I will give it a 50/50 chance that she will go out with me again.
So did ya pok’er?
No, I don’t do that on the first date. We did do a lot of hand-holding, pecks on the lips, back rubs and snuggling but that is about it. The thing about the really high-maintenance women is you have to pay to play and I don’t mean in the prostitution sense. They have really high standards that take time to overcome. These aren’t hippy chicks you are dealing with.
This one is a self-admitted former trophy wife that took someone for all he was worth and is the only person I have ever met that is a huge fan of both Trump and Putin. There is no way in hell that will work out in the long term but I will take it for a date or five before the whole thing implodes (and I already know it will but that is the type of thing I do). Extreme recreational dating is fun in its own way.
I just liked being seen with her for a night especially because so many people at one of the biggest casinos in the world know her but I know for a fact that would get old very quickly especially when the bills start rolling in.
Why would anyone care about the fantasies of yours?
Well obviously you are or else you wouldn’t have read them and responded. They aren’t fantasies. If I wanted that, I would have gone to strip club in Rhode Island by the same name. It would have cost less and been much closer .
I just busted my ass going on a 160 mile round trip that for a date that worked out both better and worse than I expected. I like going out with unusual people and I find them but it takes a lot of work to find them. It is like fishing. It looks like people are throwing the same lures into the water but they get wildly different results. It is all about technique and it can be learned because most women are at least a little predictable but it is mostly about attempts. Most of the time you are going to fail but, if you try hard enough, you will land trophies and those are the ones guys like me screen for.
I get some extremely great catches. Admittedly, they don’t usually last very long because I am a much better opener than closer but I am getting better at it. My Jewish heiress is coming over this week to help me figure out what to do with my renovations. She owes me and she knows it.
I also have 6 others in active play because I got irritated last week and fired off a bunch of (very nice messages) to possible matches and got more responses back than I expected. It is a game you can learn to play but you just have to keep their names and details straight. I let them come to me for the most part. The vast majority get rejected. I know that sounds bad but all I am doing is reversing the traditional female/male dating dynamic and it works. I just keep them lined up with some in active play and others on the bench. It doesn’t matter if any individual fails, they will make more like my mother always said.
You left “a substandard tip”, you say?
Prick.
Good lord. What a pathetic attention starved piece of crap you have to be to revive your own pit thread.
Shagnasty, I’m curious…it was Natasha, right? You were Bullwinkle???
Rocky: “Natasha, did you go out with that guy from the internet last night?”
Natasha: “Oh gawd. I did. After an hour with him, I went to the restroom, called UBER and left him driving his little go kart making burum baruuuuuum noises.”
Rocky: “Are you seeing him again?”
Natasha: “Only to serve him with a restraining order, that twit is as worthless as the ‘ueue’ in queue.”
Bullwinkle: “Hi guys. I had a great date last night, want to hear about it?”
Everyone else: Points and laughs. sounds of belly laugh, boffola, cachinnation, cackle, chortle, chuckle, giggle, guffaw, hee-haw, snicker, and titter can be heard over Queen’s, *Another One Bites the Dust *. Everyone stand, turn around, drop trou and moon this moron. Now we leave. Thank you.