Was he wearing a kilt?
Sheep can hear zippers.
Now I know why I haven’t seen Hal around for a while.
(obligatory)
You know, the Dope has untold numbers of educational, ignorance-fighting, mind-challenging threads.
So why is it I skip over them all and immediately open the one about the sheep molester?
I can only speak for myself, but I clicked on it because I am fascinated by the notion that someone would actually do that. I always thought the sheep sex jokes were unrealistic.
Of course, immediately after this gem, I read the BBC headline “Sheep shortage leaves naked man unshorn”…
For some reason, that article’s matter-of-fact description of the suspect as a “tall black man” seems strange to my mind. It seems like in American news articles, they will usually not mention the suspect’s race until the very end of the article: “Suspect is described as a black male, aged 25 to 30, about six feet tall,” etc. They usually say “male,” not “man,” too. Am I alone here or do others agree about the tone?
I come from cattle country. The consensus around here is the sheep were asking for it. I mean, have you seen the way those no-tail sluts walk? Oh, yeah, they want it!
Sounded weird to me too.
Sounds like someone could use one of these: http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palace/6314/
I only know one sheep molesting joke, and I feel compelled to contribute it:
Q: Why do sheep molesters molest sheep up against the edge of cliffs?
A: So the sheep push back.
Chislehurst: Where the men are men and the sheep are scared.
In the book I just read (Knockemstiff, by a friend of the Doper Crotalus; highly recommended) there is a line used to describe a white-trash loser that goes something like “…and he had the kind of look in his eye where you would’t leave him alone with a milk cow…”
:eek:
So have they caught the guy yet, or is he still on the lamb?
I’m vaguely interested to read of Britain’s new porn censorship law:
That makes sense. Pictures of sex with sheep now earn you up to three years in prison, yet actually having sex with sheep only gets you two years in prison. This poor bastard has probably been living in shame for years with his meager stash of sheep porn, and now he suddenly learns that it’s more illegal than doing the act itself. So naturally enough he decides that it’s time to start living the dream. Go, sheep man.
Great, now the song Wooly Bully is running through my head.
was thinking of Baaaa-d to the Bone
Si
I was thinking more of Close to Ewe…
[sub]Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…[/sub]
I know dozens (comes from working with New Zealanders :D):
“I built this bar. But do they call me Steve the Carpenter? No, the bastards don’t…”
An Australian was hiking in New Zealand when he caught a Kiwi boffing s sheep. The Aussie laughed and said, ‘Back home we shear those!’ The Kiwi says, ‘I’m not shearin’ Get your own!’
The missionary was called into the African chief’s hut. Seems an albino child was born in the village, and the missionary was suspected of fathering the ‘white’ child. The missionary tried to explain how long-dormant genes may resurface from time to time, with unexpected results. ‘Take sheep, for example. You have a flock of white sheep, but a black lamb was born just last month.’ ‘I see,’ said the chief knowingly. ‘I keep quiet about the child, and you’ll keep quiet about the sheep.’
How to you make a U-turn? Well, first you put her hind legs in your Wellies…
An Australian was working on contract in a New Zealand mining town. At the pub, he said to one of the Kiwis, “I notice there are few women in this town. What do you do for…”
The Kiwi cut him off: “It’s no secret. We just drive a little way out of town and find an attractive sheep.”
“But that’s disgusting! And anyway, it’s illegal.”
“Yeah, but we all do it. The cops will turn a blind eye.”
The Australian is appalled by this, but as the weeks pass, the sheep start to look a little better, so one day he jumps in his car and drives out of town in search of an attractive ewe. No sooner has he downed trou than a police car screams to a stop, and the Aussie finds himself in the lock-up, charged with obscene behaviour.
When he was bailed, he stormed down to the pub, and angrily conronted the Kiwi: “You told me it was all right, but I was arrested!”
“Yeah, I heard. It’s all over town. You made one mistake.”
“What was that?”
“That sheep was the police chief’s girlfriend.”