Shot down in FLAMES!!!

Well, I finally screwed up the guts to ask out the nerdy accountant guy…

The emails went like this:

ME :Do you know who John Cusack is?

HIM:Hmmm. An out-of-the-blue question like that smells of a set-up… not that I’m paranoid or anything. :slight_smile:

Yes, he’s an actor. I think he was in Con Air and Gross Point Blank, among other movies.

ME:He has a new movie out…

HIM:Oh?

ME:yes, High Fidelity…its getting good reveiws.
HIM:Okay, thanks. I can’t really say I’m a fan, he just happens to be a name I know.

Having a slow afternoon? :slight_smile:

Kevin

ME:Somewhat slow… yes! :smiley:

I really want to see that movie…do you think you could be convinced to join me?
HIM:Thanks for the invite, but I think I’ll pass.

Okay, kill me now. I am so embarrassed…I dont know what possessed me to do such a thing!

(Now this is where you post your similar experiences to take some of the sting out for me…go ahead…please?)

Worst asking out experience ever: In high school I had a crush on this guy on the swim team and I finally worked up enough nerve to ask him to the winter dance. I go to a swim meet and wait around afterwards for him to come out of the locker room, and I wait and wait and wait. Finally one of the equipment guys asks if I’m waiting for someone and I tell him who and he goes into the lockerroom to get him. He comes out and is still wearing his Speedos! So I go “em, er…heh heh, er, I was wondering – if you didn’t have anything better to do, heh heh – er if you’d maybe go to the winter dance with me?” and he said “Oh, gee I’d like to but I already asked Blah-blah-blah…thanks for asking, though.” Well obviously at least he was nice about it but I went out and cried in my car for about half an hour over it. So stressful! How do guys do that?


“That’s impossible! Cartman doesn’t know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart!”
“Yes I do! Pop-Tarts are frosted!”

Never happened to me. Then again I don’t ask people out, I’m happy with all of the casual sex that just naturally comes with being as funny, sensitive and attractive as me.

HA!

Just kidding. I seriously don’t ask people out though. I just don’t wanna get into “relationship mode” yet. I’m perfectly happy enjoying my self satisfying existence. It’s INDEPENDENCE BABY! That’s what I’m all about. You’re living for your mothers ideals, he doesent like John Cusack, he’s not good enough for you anyway. You’re a sweetie, you’ll find someone, just don’t try. If people aren’t naturally attracted to your good nature then they are the ones who are missing out. Enjoy life, LIVE IT for God’s sake! Relax, you’ve only one run, so do things that are SURE to make you happy. Time spent in sadness is surely time wasted. Keep your chin up, the right guy is out there.


Ophanim
Not Voted, **Coolest, Dumbest, Happiest, Drunkest, Surliest, Gayest, Most Godly, or anything else! ** Damn you all to HELL!

Where’s my side of FUN!?
Kisses!
Ophy

Well, first of all, I’m really sorry you got turned down. I haven’t been a party to what led up to this, so I’m not sure how stuck on the guy you were.

If I may ask, why did you choose to suggest an outing over the e-mail? Whenever I asked out girls/women, I hated even using the phone. I feel I make a much better impression in the flesh than through instruments of technology. I have always felt more comfortable face to face. It was easier for me to get a good read on the reaction. Especially with e-mail, I think it can be very difficult at times to read between any lines or catch the nuances of the answer.

Sometimes, “No, I’m busy” means “bug off loser,” and sometimes it means “no,I’m busy” and that’s it. There’s a world of difference, and I do more damage trying to outguess myself as to the intent if I’m not talking directly to the person.

Though in you case, there doesn’t seem to be much nuance.

Poor kelli…c’mere hon…

enfolds Kelli in a soft, warm hug that is perfumed with balsamic vinegar and fresh basil

He’s clearly not rejecting you, he’s rejecting John Cusack. Which ought to give you serious pause about his taste anyway. Anyone who doesn’t like John Cusack is clearly not in a position to appreciate all of YOUR wonderful qualities. snuggles and hair strokes

Now, what can I cook for you that will make you feel better?


Live a Lush Life
Da Chef

Let me be the first to share.

I had an infatuation with a friend’s younger sister, “Chrissy”, when I was 19 and she was 17.

One night I was invited to watch videos at a friend’s (“Mike’s”) apartment with a small group (6 or so people). On a whim, I call her and ask her if she’d like to join me. She says OK, but then she asks if my best friend “Jack” would be there. I said I didn’t know. She asked if I could see if he would be there.

Now, I was quite cluless and asked the host if Jack was going to be there. He said he hadn’t thought about asking him, but liked him and said to go ahead and invite him. So I did.

Well, Chrissy had a thing for Jack. However, Jack didn’t care for her. She spent the whole evening trying to get him to notice her, he tried to avoid her, and I moped in my wine cooler after I put 2 & 2 together.

Soon thereafter, Mike started dating Chrissy’s best friend “Jeri”. Also, Chrissy and I became “just friends”. The four of us started hanging out together; movies, dinner, parties, etc.

One night after a good round of wine coolers and videos, we were playing Truth or Dare. During this game, I revealed that Jack didn’t like Chrissy at all. Well, she started crying. Jeri took care of her, while Mike and I took a walk. He assured me that it was OK, that she needed to find out eventually.

Chrissy didn’t hold it against me, and we remained friends. After Mike and Jeri broke up, she, Chrissy, and I became a social trio. And of course, we were “just friends”.

This went on for almost 2 years. I was alternately attracted to either Chrissy or Jeri, but never pushed the romantic angle for fear of alienating the other.

I graduated college and moved away. Chrissy’s family moved too. Jeri stayed a few more years, but I lost track of her.

sigh

How’s that?


Wrong thinking is punished, right thinking is just as swiftly rewarded. You’ll find it an effective combination.

Well, I guess that took longer than I thought.


Wrong thinking is punished, right thinking is just as swiftly rewarded. You’ll find it an effective combination.

It’s a horrible, nerve-wracking experience. And now you know why so many of us have a problem with it-no matter how nicely it’s done, the feeling they said “No” is still there.

Most of us do it because we know there’d be about 75% less dating in the world if we waited for women to ask. And hopefully, I’ll be able to contribute to the percentage of current dating this weekend.

Oh, and to make you feel a little better, here’s two of the reactions I’ve gotten:

“I can’t go out with you because I have to house-sit for a neighbor all week.” (What, they chain you to the couch?)

One time, I asked out a girl in my platoon and instead of an answer, she just turned around and ran in the other direction! That was rather unsettling.

I’m sure there are more, but I’ve repressed them. If they spring back to mind, I’ll relay them along.

I did always very much appreciate a girl who would give me a straight answer. “No, I’m really not interested, but thanks for asking.” That is so much better than an excuse that may or may not be true, and leaves you to wonder if you should ask again.

I once asked out a girl several times who told me that she was busy, but “maybe some other time.” I realized after the third rejection that she had absolutely no intention of accepting. Fair enough; that is her perogative. But believe me, a straight but polite rejection is much better than twisting in the wind for several weeks.

Awww thanks guys!

And you are right, if he isnt a Cusack fan, then it would never have worked.

:slight_smile:

What am I? Chopped Liver?

The others are right, though, Kelli. If he doesn’t like John Cusack then screw him! It’s good you found that out up front, I mean what if you didn’t find that out until you were married? You would have a sham marriage, that’s what! Living a lie! Man, you REALLY dodged a bullet on that one!

Seriously, it seems to me like the long e-mail exchange was a bit labored and made him wary. I think I would’ve strolled by his cubicle on my way to the copier or whatever and said something like “Hey, I’m going to see the new John Cusack movie later, wanna come?” That way it seems like you’re just asking him to be nice and you don’t give a rat’s ass if he comes or not. He might’ve been just as cold though, seems like he’s not very sympathetic from what you’ve told us.


“That’s impossible! Cartman doesn’t know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart!”
“Yes I do! Pop-Tarts are frosted!”

Beats me. I’m a guy that’s still searching for the answer to this one.

Maybe at the Chicago dopefest some of you guys could give me some pointers, or maybe the gals could just save them the trouble :wink:


Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Delta-9 Home Page

You know, I really think that he hit send and then thought, “Doh, she was asking me out on a date. And, stupid me, I turned her down just cause I wasn’t interested in seeing that movie…dumb, dumb, dumb.” [much head-slapping]

I think this because I’ve done this before. I had a really cute med student ask me to go hiking with him and I just didn’t feel like hiking that day, so I said no thanks. It wasn’t until after I hung up the phone that I thought, “Idiot! You should have said no, but how about dinner tomorrow” or something along those lines. Luckily, I tracked him down and asked him out and we had a very nice date.

I bet he’ll call you within the next week, unless he’s so embarassed he can’t manage it. If not, he’s a twit and you’re better off without him.

I thought long and hard about the emails…but he sits with a bunch of other people in a ‘cluster’ and it woulda been embarassing for both of us to do it.

The emails took only a matter of minutes, zip-zip back and forth.

And he is a very cool cukeumber, very starchy and reserved…quite shy too. I think this was the least painful way for both of us.

It only means “no, I’m busy” if the person suggests another time and place for the date. If they don’t, they never wanted to go in the first place. “No, I’m busy” is a hell of a lot easier than saying “no, I don’t find you desirable in that way.”

My experiences with this matter lie in that cliquey netherworld called high school. I had reached the eleventh grade before I finally gathered up the balls to ask a girl out. I had been talking to her during class for a couple of months and was rather confident in a positive response to my proposition. So, what the hell, you can’t live in a shell forever, right? I asked. No sooner had the words left my mouth than I began to wish that my stomach consisted of an industrial strength Hoover vaccuum cleaner that could suck that utterance back into my mouth before it got to her ears. Unfortunately, my stomach is all blood and guts, so she heard … and immediately doubled over in laughter! All those guts I thought I had immediately fell directly onto the floor in a big funky pile.

Humiliating.

If he’s a “nerdy accounting guy” he’s probably too cheap to pay full price for a Friday night movie.

You should know better than to try and date someone at work. It’s not the best place to look for dates.

If it’s any comfort to you - if he’s a typical male he may not even realize he shot you down and if he did realize he was turning down a date he will certainly be flattered. Just stay cool and normal as if it never happened. But do not ever try again - it’s his turn now.

(fatherly advice from a fellow Canuck)

Aw, kells-bells, cheer up!

::chucking the canuck chick on the chin::

Give us his e-mail address and I bet in less than 12 hours he’d go to the movies with you. Probably throw in dinner and fork over for a babysitter too!


Homepage: http://www.bigfuckinboatwithbadassplanes.mil
Occupation: Swabbie Pounder, First Class
Location: Anywhere you feckless landlubbers ain’t.
Interests: Navy Chow, Port of Call, The Head, Air Superiority
ICQ Number: CVN69 – An UncleBeer Profile

“Avast and ahoy, landlubbers! Shore leave’s in August. Hide your women.” – A WallySig

Mmmmmm, pastaaaa salaaaaaaad! Can I have one of those hugs too Chef? :wink:

Aw, kellibelli! That sucks!

There’s probably some perfectly good reason that he said no, having nothing to do with you. People’s lives are complicated…who knows what the real “story behind the story” is.

I know another “nerdy accountant guy,” if you are interested…

Just do what Tom Cruise did in Top Gun. Order another beer.

And remember, it’s a target rich environment out there.

fwiw, I’d date you in a heartbeat, hon!


VB

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.