Should I be worried about my GF?

In My Humble Opinion
101

Good work Cbud92. It’s actually ok right now that you haven’t entirely let go, and you still hold onto some hope that she’ll miraculously turn around and want you back again. That feeling will fade with time. Days turn into weeks that turn into months and eventually your heart will heal.

The girl was definitely cheating on you, if not physically then emotionally and the texting/skyping was obviously an affair.

You will learn and grow, and hopefully, so will she. I strongly, STRONGLY urge you to not get back together with her even if she comes crawling on hands and knees. Unless she shows genuine remorse and regret and has actually learned something from what she did, you deserve better. If on the off chance she comes to you soon and asks you to take her back, I really really really strongly suggest you tell her that you need more time to reflect, and that she needs more time to reflect on what she really wants out of life, what will make her happy, and to understand her motivations and her mistakes.

But you pulled something off here that many people thought you would never do: you listened to the unanimous advice to pull the plug and pre-emptively break up with her in a mature, level headed way. That alone shows how much more mature you are than her, and how much better you deserve. You have no idea how often people like you show up on message boards here and elsewhere, ask for advice, and then ignore it and never post again. So, you deserve a lot of kudos for doing the difficult thing and listening to the advice you got.

102

They definitely are if you ain’t cuttin’ it, son.

103

:rolleyes:

This isn’t the pit so I guess I’ll bite my tongue.

104

tl;dr all

you had her all to yourself for how many years? And did what?

Now you demand exclusive rights.

Walk away - come back when you have grown up enough to know how to treat a woman.

Let her decide which (if either) she wants.

Short form: you blew it

105

He didn’t blow it. They’re both very young and growing apart. It’s life.

106

Hey guys,

I really appreciate all the support after this break up… you all offered some great advice and definitely are helping me get through this.
Her and I haven’t talked at all since the breakup (about 5 days)… until yesterday (Thanksgiving). She texted me with the words “Miss you.” and that was it. I didn’t know what it meant but it did make me want to reply to her… But I didn’t. My brother and best friend told me to not reply to her and wait longer before talking to her again.
So, I didn’t text her back… My best friend told me that I could wait until tomorrow and then text her back, just to find out what her intentions with that text were.

Today I woke up and I was feeling very depressed… I couldn’t think of what to say to her, so I just said “Miss you too.”

She replied saying “How are you?” I told her I was alright, just keeping busy and having fun where I can and asked how she was.

She said she was getting work sorted out, feeling weird and sick… also that shes moving out in march.

I told her I second the weird and sick feeling and I’m happy shes gonna get to move out. then I asked how her thanksgiving was.

She said the sickness is probably from a lack of me… then told me her thanksgiving was pretty good.

We bullshitted a little about thanksgiving for a while then she said “Took a while for you to reply” and that she would have loved to been able to see me.

I said it was because I just didn’t know what to say, of course I wanted to say I miss you too but I wanted to gather my thoughts and figure out what you meant by that text first. I also talked a little about how nice the hot tub was after dinner.

She said "I’m glad to hear it. You’ve been really good at not talking to me. You would have loved my dads milkshakes, also I’d have loved to go hot tubbing after dinner with you guys.

Finally, I said “It’s awful being away from you for so long. But I wanted you to have time to think about what you want.” Then I said how it would have been nice to have her around for the after thanksgiving party.

She just said… “Yeah I wanted to drop by really bad. I don’t know still”.

SOOOOO Heres where i’m at… I know that texting her at all today was probably a mistake. But I do feel like we were at least able to check up on eachother and see how things were.

It’s really bothering me that she just said “I don’t know still”… I don’t expect her to know already but I feel like this is just hell for me because -I dont have any other girl in my life- and she does.
So here she is, missing me, admitting she wants to see me… but hasn’t decided what she wants yet.

I don’t know what to say in response to that last text… part of me wants to tell her that I’m not going to be waiting around here so she can get her chance to meet this guy before she can tell me what she wants… Another part of me wants to tell her that I understand and leave it at that.
How do I handle it from here? Because clearly I’m having troubles moving on when I know there’s a chance she may decide she really wants me and made a mistake.

107

My guess (from what you’ve posted here) is that she does indeed know what she wants - she wants it back the way it was, having you in real life and her other man online. I’d go “no contact at all” if I were you and get on with your life without you. All the talking you guys did about how you miss each other doesn’t really mean anything; you had been together for seven years - of course you miss each other. You need to get in the habit of not being together.

Stay strong! I still think you did the right thing!

108

Oh boy… she wants to know if i’d be okay with her coming over…
Saying she hasn’t been touched in ages and is losing her mind.
QUICKLY ADVICE GOGOGOGO WHAT DO I DO?

109

She’s manipulating you. I agree with the above poster who said she wants things to go back to the way they were (having you around for a stable crutch, but being addicted to blogger dude).

At the very least, it cannot hurt to reply “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” and give this more time. If you jump back into this tonight, you’re going to look back on it and smack yourself.

110

Fuck… well if she does come over perhaps she’ll remember what she’s losing? since our last hang out was just a fight anyway…

Well, it’s too late… shes coming over now… I should have said no… All i said was “Only come if you’re sure thats what you want.” and now hes coming

Any more quick advice? I really hope this doesn’t back fire

111

Haha you’re making the same exact mistake I’ve made, and that I think many of us have made.

Enjoy the amazing sex you’re about to have. It really is going to be awesome. Then you’re going to still feel like shit the next day and it’s going to be EXTREMELY complicated.

That’s about all I can say. She is probably confused and hurt too, and I doubt she’s consciously manipulating you but that IS exactly what she is doing.

Good luck.

112

She’s coming over for some of that ‘real life sex’ thing that you can offer

Then she is going to leave and go back to gaming, skypeing, texting, and talking to the new guy she loves.

113

Double post. Sorry.

Think of it this way Cbud. She’s had 7 years with you. And she doesn’t know what she wants. Shouldn’t that piss you right the fuck off? I mean, after SEVEN YEARS of your life together, she’s having doubts about you. That should make you feel hesitant and best, and downright resentful at worst.

114

At this point you basically have two options: get into an extremely unhealthy yo-yo relationship or do everything you can to limit contact with her.

I’d love to tell you that option B will make everything better and eventually everything will work out. I can’t guarantee that with what is still happening with my ex, but it’s definitely a better option than the yo-yo relationship.

If you cut her off and she goes insane, unless she’s the type of person to stab you in your sleep – you’ll have to deal with low level stress. An occasional sinking feeling when she finds a way to contact you, having to test your will against stories that break your heart. But it’ll be manageable and eventually will dwindle to annoyance, and possibly a sick form of amusement depending on how crazy it gets. (I have stories) Of course, this is the worst-case scenario, it’s likely she’ll give up after a couple months and leave you alone and you’ll get over it completely.

If you take her back… well, be prepared to go through another breakup every couple months. Or weeks. Sure, maybe she’ll give up on this guy, maybe she’ll really try and pledge to change, but sooner or later she’ll remember why she was doing what she was doing in the first place, and you’ll keep breaking up and getting back together.

Is it possible she’ll change forever and you’ll live happily ever after? Yeah, sure. It’s happened. But don’t hold onto that, remember, there’s also a chance you’ll win the lottery while getting struck by lightning.

115

Thanks guys, I appreciate the quick advice before she came over.
So here’s what went down… She came inside, was really excited to see me… and hugged me without a word for about 2-3 minutes straight. She said I missed you so much and I said I missed her so much I’ve been sick about it.

She started to tear up and cry a little bit… saying that she had little thoughts that I was moving on and didn’t want to talk to her. She said she thought about me all the time and really genuinely was heart broken about not being able to see me.

We talked for a little bit about how much it sucked to be apart and then we started laughing and joking around. Eventually, we had sex… which was amazing. She loved it and so did I, it was very passionate and thrilling.

After sex we cuddled and watched some T.V. But I had questions to ask and I HAD to get them out…
About 30 mins before she left I started bringing up the serious stuff. I asked her, what she thought about us and what does she WANT to do… Like, I said if it were a perfect world and you could have anything you want… what would you say?

She said she wouldn’t answer that question… She said its because she isn’t even completely sure what she wants and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.

After a few minutes I finally got her to be comfortable saying it straight up. She said she wants to experience what it’s like to not have me and to have sex with/cuddle/maybe even date OTHER people… She says she mostly is just -curious- about what it’s like to be with another man, and that it bothers her all the time.
She says she wants to be with me but is worried that she’ll always be curious about what it’s like with other people and that she doesn’t want these feelings to come back 10 years later when we’re married and things get dull between us.

I told her I respect her insight about thinking about our future and the feelings coming back… but heres the thing. EVERYONE gets curious about what its like with other people and sometimes wants to know what it’d be like in bed with them or even to be with them in general… but most people usually rationalize with themselves and tell themselves it’s just a curious thought and that they’re happy with their partner anyway so it doesn’t matter…

But she wasn’t convinced… I didn’t expect her to be. I told her I can’t promise her that those feelings will go away, but she’ll never know until its too late to have me back anyway.

It was actually nice to finally find out what was going on up in her head… why she was doing all this. But, I HATE the results… I KNOW this is a lot more than I will ever be able to mend. She may or may not have these feelings of curiosity and wanting to know what it’s like to be with other people until she’s ABLE to do it. She said herself that she’s always had these thoughts ever since our relationship got serious years ago.
I think I already know what needs to happen here. But I’m afraid to admit it. Do I tell her to go and be with other people and then maybe one day if we start talking again I’ll find a way to ignore it or not care that she’d been with other men?
Anyway, I guess you guys have figured out that yes shes a virgin. She’s done everything under the sun with other men EXCEPT actual penetration. I’m the same way.

I told her tomorrow, if she wants, we can hang out for a while… just us… and lay EVERYTHING out on the table, talk about all our feelings… and then maybe come to a plan about what needs to be done from there. She agreed, we kissed and said our sweet nothings, then she left.

116

Yup, you are 100% right that the feelings are never going to go away until she actually does it. She can’t stay with you and expect it to end. You have to let her go. I had to do the same thing. It FUCKING SUCKS. My man, who left me for another guy, yo-yo’d with me a bit too, saying things like he wasn’t sure what he wanted, blah blah blah.

Eventually you will realize what we all realize in this situation. It is a terrible thing to do, to have to give up someone you love because you realize there is nothing else you can do.

Perhaps some years down the road you might rekindle the old love, she’ll have gotten it out of her system, etc. It has been known to happen. But don’t set all your hopes and dreams on her anymore. It’s so devastating when you realize that your plans for life are over, that everything you had been planning and dreaming about is gone. It’s a gut wrenching emotion. The physical pain and illness that you feel? I’ve felt it too. We’ve all felt it from emotional pain.

It seems so unbearable, I know. But you can do it. You have to let her go. You have to do what’s best for you and for her, and in this case, it’s letting her go do what she wants to do.

I am so so sorry and honestly getting a little choked up here because I feel you man, I know exactly what you’re going through, and I wish there was something any of us could do to help you out.

117

You’re being played, Cbud92. Also, if you think about it for a minute, you’re feeling a little bit used right now too. Amirite?

I would not count on her coming over to talk some more about the subject of “seeing other people”. Really, it’s for the best. What good would come of it except to make you feel worse while giving her permission to feel okay about wanting to sleep with other people, all the while keeping you on a long tether so she can yank you back when she needs comforting. You’re a sure thing now, Cbud92. That’s the message she received, loud and clear.

S’okay. We’ve all been there. All part of growing up and learning about relationships at your age. What really matters now is what you’re going to do with this information. (?)

You’ve been getting great advice in this thread (for the most part). I think drewtoo99 and Cat Whisperer stand out among the rest. Re-read their posts and let their ideas bounce around in your skull for some time. Do the best you can to avoid talking to your (ex)girlfriend for a few days. Certainly don’t attempt to have "that fucking conversation"again. If it helps you stay strong, get a little angry (or a lot angry) at being used like you just were. Then, imagine the worst thing possible - that you break up and you never see or talk to her again. Would it be the end of the world for you? Probably not. You seem like a good guy and you’ll be in other relationships. You’ll be okay. Not today or tomorrow, but soon. Hang in there.

118

Nothing’s really changed, so my advice stays the same. Try to move on.

She’s intrigued and curious and excited by other men, but she’s scared to be alone, so she reached out to you because you are secure and familiar. It makes perfect sense that she waited until Thanksgiving, the day of traditions and family, to reach out for you. The cold, hard truth is that her Skyping buddy was probably at his own parent’s house and unavailable to her. So what else to do?

The question is if you are satisfied being someone’s security blanket? Because that’s what you are to her.

Many of us have been where you are before, and have made the same mistakes you’re making. We’re telling you to cut off contact with her because we know where it’s heading. But we didn’t listen when people advised us to cut if off, either, so maybe it’s something each person just has to live through to finally get closure. I will say that eventually you’ll get past the scared and sad phase and tap into your anger, and that’s when you’ll have the resolve it’ll take to break things up completely. Until then, expect a repeat call on Christmas.

119

She used you. She just wants to make sure she still has your attention and can keep you around as a backup. She wants you to be her backup while she looks around for something better. If she finds it, Yay her! If she doesn’t, she still has you, right? She will keep using you in this manner as long as you allow it. She knows now that you will take her back so she’s free to explore.

WALK AWAY. Permanently.

120

I agree.