yes, tantrum. She said she would call him on Saturday, and he got pissed that she didn’t call him sooner than that.
re-reading that, it sounds more like he was butt-hurt that she wasn’t as into him as he thought she should be.
Yes, really. He called her “childish” for calling him when she said she was going to call him, instead of sooner like he wanted (even though he also didn’t call during that time.) He called her reasonable boundaries (not calling during work hours) “little rules.” He felt that her setting this entirely reasonable limit meant she was “calling all the shots,” as if her not being completely available to him all the time emasculated or disempowered him somehow. And she ended the interaction by telling him this wasn’t for her and then blocked his number-- obviously, if he meant to dump her, he did a poor job of it. No, he was chewing her out because he wanted more, and even without having had a first date, he felt entitled to it. I really hope this isn’t how you treat romantic prospects.
The thing about him following “all your little rules” makes me think, bullet dodged.
Sounds to me like he thought you were doing some kind of gamesmanship thing, and maybe he is, too.
I’d suggest, we are only getting “Too Many Cats” side of the story, which isn’t necessarily the whole story.
WHile it does sound like the guy was being odd and "dodge’ worthy, I’ve been around enough to know that when told a relationship type story, the person telling the story has an inherent desire to relate a version that shows themselves in a positive light.
Frankly, I can’t tell if you dodged a bullet or he did or both did…I don’t have enough information.
There are a few flags in your post, that would suggest I would not be interested in starting a relationship with you.
I see two possibilities here.
There are going to be little glitches anytime two people first begin communicating with each other. Most people accept this and make allowances. The first possibility is that this guy is someone who is unable to do this and makes huge problems out of what should be minor misunderstandings. If this is the case, the OP dodged a bullet.
The second possibility is that this guy’s actions were deliberate. He was playing a mindgame and pretending to be outraged in order to put the OP on the defensive so that he could take control. If this is the case, the OP dodged an artillery shell.
We have one side of the story. I’d be very interested to hear his.
I am not saying the OP is lying (personally I believe it). I am suggesting things can be perceived differently from two sides and we only have one here.
Could he have handled it better? Probably. But I am not sure that is enough to convict him in this case.
And those flags would be? Just out of curiosity, and a desire, perhaps, to be more appealing in general?
Lying about what? About what was said in two phone conversations? I never said he was screaming at me, just that he said I was childish and was calling the shots. Those were his exact words. Lying about what I said? I said I’ll call you Saturday if you don’t call me. Which I did.
I can’t imagine what you believe I’m lying about.
Flakiness aside, when one person has LOADS of time to share and the other person’s time is very limited, the would be relationship is doomed anyway.
Also,
This can be frustrating for 50-something folks trying to date. Clock is ticking, most middle aged daters would rather be more direct and to the point.
Did you miss the part where I said I believe you?
It is in the part you just quoted.
Agree. Bottom line: you two weren’t compatible. I mean, if two people can’t get past some of the basics to begin a relationship, how will they manage when more serious issues arise later? His fault, your fault…does it matter? The end result is the same.
I realize OP said that dating isn’t a regular thing, but if you start seeing patterns… Like if this were the third guy in a row with a similar outcome? You could think about what types of guys you’re talking to or how you’re talking to them etc. I don’t think it’s “wrong” to state your wishes and expectations per se; OP’s job is to find someone who feels the same way.
I wouldn’t necessarily say “flags,” but I will say that I think it’s helpful to cut people a little slack and allow for the possibility of misunderstanding.
You say in your OP: “I also said for him not to call me during working hours, and if he didn’t call me during the week, I would call him on Saturday.”
Unless he was paying careful attention and/or taking notes, it’s possible that he could have misconstrued or misunderstood your instructions to mean that he should not call you, but that you would call him first sometime during the week. Then he got his feelings hurt when you didn’t call until Saturday. (Which doesn’t excuse his subsequent tantrum.)
The short version of what I’m saying is the aphorism “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity,” but in this case it’s probably more appropriate to replace “stupidity” with “misunderstanding.”
Anyway, you may or may not have dodged a bullet. I don’t think you have enough info to tell.
Ohhh, I see. When I read, “I am not saying the OP is lying (personally, I believe it).”, I took it to mean you believed I was lying.
If nothing else, this exchange shows how easily misunderstandings happen.
(You missed part of my quote…I think that part is important.)
Indeed.
I have run afoul of such things a few times.
Sucks. Glad this bit got sorted though.
It’s possible he doesn’t process information well, but if it were me, I’d be thrilled that she called me on Saturday. If there was a misunderstanding about when he could call, it could be easily worked out without anyone being pissy.
If he did understand, then he could have called at least once after work hours. Not wanting to have a long chat at work is hardly unreasonable.
So he’s either a dick or very controlling or both. Better luck next time.
Still amazed that people are just glossing over the fact that he called her childish, among other things. I don’t see how you get past that unless you believe OP is lying.
You: “Call back, if you want to.”
He called back, so he must have wanted to.
WHY?
Was he only calling back to chew you out? Because that makes him an asshole. Was he calling back because he felt obligated to? Because that makes him a dumbass: you said “if you want to,” freeing him from obligation. Was he calling back because he thought it was the decent thing to do? Because if so, that makes him a total idiot: the decent thing to do certainly wasn’t to call you back and insult you.
If he hated your rules and felt manipulated, he had a really cool option, which was to not call you back. He could even have blocked your number.
His choice to make that phone call makes it pretty clear that he’s a walking talking bullet.
Honestly it sounds like an abuser-in-grooming: insult you and knock down your boundaries. Had you been less self-confident, you might have apologized and offered to call him more often, and he would’ve gotten the message that he could continue ignoring your boundaries.
You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. If your thing is weird rules and his thing is being offended by weird rules then you’re not compatible. Maybe dating when you’re older a person doesn’t want to be “playing games” (as he perceived you to be doing) but also when you’re older you know how you are and you don’t need to apologize for that or change.
That being said, can I make a suggestion for you? In the future, consider exchanging emails with potential suitors. You can have lovely long conversations at your leisure and not have to set up rules for the phone. Actually you can still set rules for the phone, but it makes the “long conversations only on weekends” rule much more bearable. You can connect during the week too.
I’d suggest text (quite the godsend for modern dating) but I get the impression that you’re not much of a texting gal.
Good luck out there and however this ended up I am super impressed you met someone at a bus stop and got things going!!!