Good luck. Hope you’re doing okay.
Zsofia - I think you’re a peach and I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better about things. I have to say, and this goes for both you and Sierra Indigo - being in a relationship isn’t supposed to be this hard. Seriously - every relationship has low points, and every relationship requires work to be successful, but it’s not supposed to be an all consuming marathon of WORK - there’s supposed to be some fun in there too. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say it should be mostly fun, with some hard work mixed in. I’ve read all of your posts about your SO and I have to say - it doesn’t sound like much fun.
Really, I don’t think you two are right for each other. He’s not right for you, but you’re not right for him and the longer you prolong things the less time you’ll have with the person who IS right for you.
Dumping people sucks, and I know in the past I’ve thought things like ‘how will he possibly get along without me!’ and ‘how will he cope??’. Well, in every case the guy manages to get along just fine - even the one that was admitted to the mental hospital was released eventually and is now doing just fine.
Seriously - you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have some fun and if you’re not getting that in large doses and you have to keep justifying reasons to not break up with him - well, you should probably break up with him.
Anyhow - good luck with the counseling. FWIW, I know more than one couple who went to a relationship counselor and were advised to break up. Sometimes there just isn’t very much there worth fighting for and you can’t see that because you’ve been fighting for it for so long.
You did well. Hang in there, and good luck.
I don’t think many people have housework as their number one priority. But sooner or later someone has to do it, other wise you’re going to end up living somewhere like the places the have on reality TV shows about hoarders. Like sooner or later someone has to pay the mortgage/rent, otherwise you get evicted and pay the bills so the utilities don’t get cut off. In business you have to pay your creditors or you’ll go bankrupt.
All adults have responsibilities. People in relationships often share these - in my home, my husband does the housework, but I do the grocery shopping and the cooking. However, Zsofia seems to have somehow ended up with all the adult responsibilities, allowing her boyfriend to get off scott-free, even though he isn’t ill or incapacitated and would be perfectly capable of doing these things. To make it even worse, she’s spent $10,000 of her own savings bailing his business out and it doesn’t sound like she’ll ever see that again. This isn’t a loving relationship, it’s him bleeding her dry. And now she’s told him she’s had enough, he thinks he can fix it by offering her back rubs.
Sierra Indigo, I’m quite relieved to hear that you’re planning to break up with your husband. I remember reading the threads about his illness and addiction at the time and I was very worried by his apparent lack of willingness to take responsibility for his health, which combined with his very serious problems struck me as a total disaster.
So then he’s moving into his man cave, at least temporarily? Great!
That sounds like a good start, well done Zsofia! And if you ever find yourself questioning your actions, ask yourself what advice you’d give your niece…
Exactly.
Oh, ouch.
That’s it isn’t it. You wouldn’t like your niece to put up with this, but your standards for yourself are lower. Well - not anymore! Sometimes you have to think of yourself in the third person. Be firm with Zsofia!
Video professional? Computer hardware and video editing skill sets have about as much in common as rheubarb and rivets. That said video card replacement aint rocket surgery either.
I will come respectfully disagree with this mindset.
When I started my business, I had very little to do. So to help offset for my lack of income, I turned into househubby. I cleaned, washed clothes, did the shopping/errands, dinner ready when she got home.
Thanks for the thoughts rekkah. I’m not actually kicking him to the curb, more fool me. But I’m setting down some more firm boundaries, and putting him on notice that if he’s not going to act like a respectful roommate at the minimum, I’m not going to put up with it any more.
I second the suggestions to think about what you’d counsel your niece to do if she were in your situation Zsofia. Not that it’s meant to be a dig at you, but again, I know what it’s like on the inside. You can justify ANYTHING to yourself in your own head. Sometimes it helps a whole lot to pretend you’re giving advice to someone else who’s in your situation.
Good luck with the counselling, I hope you get what you need out of it, whether it is with him or not.
Why settle for a respectful roommate?
Because at this point in time he still is my friend, we do get along quite well, and he looks after the dog. If he goes, I have to get rid of the dog, because working full time I don’t have the ability to keep up with a Malamute.
And if he upholds his end of what we agree to, there’s no reason we can’t have a perfectly fine relationship as friends.
If I may be intrusive, will he be expected to participate in household chores, cooking, etc?
Hey, I’ll move in with you and do all of the cooking and cleaning, if you pay all the bills, and *I’ll * be your friend!
Okay?
What?
(Did you see what I did there?)
Yes, those are the boundaries I’m setting. At a minimum. We’re also working it out so hopefully he can bring in more money and contribute his own funds to the shared expenses.
I still get a lot from having someone to keep me company in the house, and I still care about him a lot even if the nature of that emotion has recently changed.
Wait, is that just for Sierra Indigo or does that offer extend to anybody? Because I’m down for that. Just remember you have to actually go outside with the dog when he poops because he’ll try to escape if you leave him out there, and I don’t like shellfish so please don’t cook them. Oh, and the same goes for asparagus.
It tries to escape if you leave it in the yard?
<tears shellfish and asparagus recipies out of cookbook>
When do I start?