Buy him a sleeping bag. Problem solved. 
He has a seperate living space to go to? I think it will do you both good to have time and physical space apart to think of how things are going to change. He doesn’t need a comfy mattress.
I love the counseling idea if you’re open to it, Zsofia! Talk therapy is great for almost anyone (IMO- wish I could afford it!), but it can be especially helpful when you have a lot on your plate emotionally, and/or are trying to effect some major changes in your life.
You really are the best aunt ever to those kids, and they know it. I’m so happy for them that you’re in their lives. But at the same time, with your brother being sucktastic, your parents taking custody of the kids, and with how (wonderfully) involved you’ve been - it’s a lot of new work, stress, and emotion in your life, and is going to take processing.
Finding the right counselor is key, but there are a lot of good ones.
…then he’d be pretty much any man married to a modern North American chick? haha I kid, I kid. Mostly.
Allow me:
Ya so I was seeing this girl for like 6 years. I decided while she was my best friend I wanted some new pussy cause she couldn’t even give me a boner anymore. Right when I was going to break it off it turned out her work life went to hell and her co-workers abandoned her. Plus on top of it she couldn’t afford her own place so ditching her meant she’d be out of a place to live. The hardest part was when she was all “I love you!!” at the end, like, pfft, nice try.
It was okay though, I strung her along for a while longer while I’d go off and get drunk and txt my ex-GF so I’d have another branch to jump to once I had my place to myself. Someone advised me to keep leading her on just so I wouldn’t be alone, that sounds like a good idea.
Anyway, break up with him stat. If his business venture tanks and he has no place to live it could be a break for him to move to another city or place in the world where he can find a job that pays rent. You’re not doing him or yourself any favors, if there’s no chemistry there’s no chemistry.
And once he knows you’re going to break up with him suddenly his life is going to shit, that’s always how it works…cause then you can’t break up with him. What’ll happen from here on to him is just a series of horrible things. Every couple weeks something bad will happen to him right when you’re about to break it off.
Question is do you still want to be in this GF situ when a REAL crisis happens? Like his father gets sick for years or his cat dies or he breaks his leg and needs crutches for 6 months? Make the switch to friends/acquaintances now so if those things happen you can be there for him as a friend and not a pretend girlfriend. Get out now while the crisis is small! It’s going to suck no matter when you do it, get it over with while you’re both young enough to find new partners, don’t wait till he’s growing untamed ear-hairs and you’re going through menopause!
“Most people choose unhappiness over uncertainty.”
- TWTTWN
P.S. Been in a similar situ and broke it off because she was almost 30, I could tell I didn’t see marriage to her in my future, and I didn’t want to waste her last baby-having years because that’s not cool. Her life was falling apart as soon as she could trll i was having doubts about us. One of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made but I still believe it was the right one. Her life is back on track just fine, a year later. Bail now and find a guy you have more chemistry with, life is short!
Once again, I find myself agreeing with TheWhoToTheWhatNow. I’m sure some will find his attitudes to be sexist, but I really don’t think so. His advice is spot on. In a nutshell, life is short. Try to be happy. Not a bad message.
Okay, tonight I’m going to try to tell him I shouldn’t have agreed to give him another shot and that yes, it’s really over.
For once, me and Omar are in agreement.
Now that’s not true. I’m pretty sure that we’ve been in agreement at least once in other threads. 
Thanks everyone for your input
I’m finally at a point where I’m going to do something about my situation. But the point of my post was more about how it’s just easy to fall into that situation, and when you’re in it how easy it is to keep telling yourself that it’s okay, to keep making excuses about how he does this or that, how you value this small thing he does or that tiny thing he does.
I also grok how on one hand you know intellectually that you should just DTMFA, but on the other hand you want to keep what you have, because the fear of the unknown is all-consuming.
Tell you what - I’ll dump mine if you’ll dump yours. Pinky swear!
Awesome. Do it!
You really think it’s going to work going into it expecting it not to work? And, do you hear how ridiculous that sounds - you’re going to try to break up with him? If you aren’t in charge of your life, who is?
Hey, it’s a hell of a lot easier from the outside. (Especially when people you want to break up with are always late coming home.)
So keep us posted.
I hope things work out this way, and I think you are doing the right thing.
I agree entirely. It’s easy for people to say DTMFA when they haven’t lived it. He wasn’t always like this; there were good times, and they’re flashing through your head from time to time. The problem is that you’re still trying to be “nice” to him because you care about him as a friend. You have to stop that behavior and pretty much kick him out because otherwise he’ll find a way to needle himself back into your life. It’s really hard but also necessary (which you know).
Also, I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to think about but you need him to sign something (if you don’t have evidence) that he owes you ten grand. And you need to workout a payment plan, even if it’s only like $200 bucks a month.
The guy has his own business and ran for mayor. I think housework not being a priority shouldn’t really be held against him
I don’t support him completely.
I’m just saying it might be hormonal. Would be nice to check it out first before she makes a decision she’ll regret
It is absolutely harder from the inside. Hell, before I got married I dated and dumped several guys, none of them anywhere near 6 years into a relationship, and none of them with men I was living with, and it was complete and utter torture every single time. It’s damn hard to break the heart of a guy who has faults and isn’t working for you, but isn’t exactly a bad person. There is no easy way to do it, and I don’t envy you, Zsofia, at all. But once it’s done, it won’t seem so terribly bad, and you’ll be glad you did it. And maybe eventually he will, too.
Everyone’s acting like you should just say buh-bye, give him a kiss on the cheek and gentle shove out the door, and he’ll sigh dramatically and them move on with his life, sad but wiser, and it just isn’t that easy.
Well, we’re separated, at least for now, and I agreed to counseling. Not what I’d gone in planning to concede to, but I feel okay about it, now at any rate.
Good on you Zsofia hugs good luck. But don’t just take promises of future change. He’s got to make the changes THEN approach you, if you decide to give it another go.
Concentrate on looking after you for now.
She seemed pretty clear that it’s not a lack of desire in general, it’s a lack of desire for him. That’s pretty clearly NOT hormonal, hormones don’t work that way.
Just stop it, please. It seems you’re bound and determined to find a way for this to be Zsofia’s fault, and frankly you’re being pretty damned insulting insinuating that it’s something wrong with her body rather than perhaps being that she’s finally understood that she’s being used and wanting to change that.