Breaking up with my ex 5 years ago meant that he had to move out of my condo and live with his parents for a while. Sucked for him, but it wasn’t my place to worry about that.
Don’t kick him out overnight. Give him some time to get a plan in place. But don’t let him stay with you indefinitely. You won’t be able to feel single as long as you’re in the same space.
I didn’t see in the OP that you signed up to be his caretaker for the rest of his life.
I know that you don’t want to feel mean and heartless. I know that you care about him and want what’s best for him. But I also know that there will always be something that prevents you from moving on if you let there be something that prevents it.
Maybe this will be the kick in the pants HE needs to move on, grow up, and take care of himself.
I’m sorry things didn’t work out. You tried. Now you deserve a relationship with an equal partner who makes your heart sing.
What jsgoddess said. I’ve only been following your posts from afar, like a soap opera I tune into every once in a while, and every time I see something related to your relationship, I think, “Wow, she still with him? I would have thought she would have gotten tired of acting like a mother figure to her boyfriend by now.”
You seem like a smart, funny, reasonable, mature adult. And he…doesn’t.
What’s also notable is that even though he wasn’t all that keen on making a formal committment to you years ago (and I’m assuming nothing has changed in that regard), he apparently didn’t have any problems with making himself financially dependent on you for years on end. The level of support you’ve been providing to him goes above and beyond the duties of a girlfriend, IMO.
It’s good that you’re breaking it off with him now. He’s probably a good guy, but not the one for you. He sounds like the kind of guy who needs to be propped up by other people to survive, and this is not an attractive trait.
As I read this I immediately think of my mother. Twenty years ago, in the midst of a bad winter flu, decided to quit smoking cold turkey. Her reasoning? “I don’t think I could feel much worse.”
Not that your life is a democracy but I vote go ahead, do it with as much grace and kindness as you can muster, and move on.
Besides, on the plus side, you are not just leaving him, you’re providing a few more lines in a good old fashioned country song!
I thought you should dump him over a year ago.
So I’m very glad you are planning to do it. And you should do it NOW. If you’d done it January 2010 you would have had a year and a half of your life back.
Don’t let this slide…you don’t want to be posting about this guy in 2012, saying how much you wish you’d had the last year of your life back.
nm
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And here I am, 31 years old, SIX YEARS into this relationship, and I think we both deserve more!
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I think that this says it all. You guys aren’t married, you aren’t engaged, and you don’t have any kids. This is about as clean as it gets. Don’t view this as having wasted six years of your live. That wasn’t the case. You’ve learned a few things, and you’ve grown as a person in that time. At this point, the relationship isn’t working out, you aren’t attracted to him and as you’ve posted in other threads, his businesses aren’t working out either since the other two partners have bailed. In a sense, you are kind of insulating him from the consequences. It might be better for him in the long run if you pull the plug as well.
Agreed. I always check in on your posts. (Columbia representin’!) From what I’ve read you’ve, financially and emotionally, allowed him to go after every dream he’s ever had. He’s a pretty lucky guy, not many women would financially support someone for years while he starts this business and that, runs for mayor, basically doing any and everything he ever wanted while you worked a steady job, paid the bills, and supported him in every way.
The timing is bad, but you really don’t have anything to feel guilty about. Who else would have taken care of him all of this time? That being said, you will feel guilty anyway, and there is nothing that will change that. You’ll just have to feel guilty until you don’t anymore.
But you’re a good girl, you’ve been good to him. Don’t forget that.
Coming from someone who can’t stop bragging about her stupid pole-dancing, that’s rich :rolleyes:.
Oh, it didn’t go well. You know in the South Park movie when Satan tries to dump Saddam Hussein and he sings a little song about how he can change, he can! And Satan’s all “But what if you remain a sandy little butthole?” and Saddam shrugs it off? It was a little bit like that.
He sobbed and sobbed and talked about how he’d had a come to Jesus moment when his business partners left and he really wants to change as a person and be more open and more giving and this and that, and I said, hey, remember how I don’t want to have sex with you? and he said we can fix that, I’ll be better, etc. And he begged me to give him a week and go to counseling again. And I said no and no and no and no and finally he wore me down and I said yes. 
And now he’s acting like a new convert to a religion or something and calling me “baby” left and right and begging me not to be all dead set against him, which in all fairness I am but I really feel conflicted and sick about the whole thing. I am hoping counseling will be of use to both of us. Urgh.
A guy with no job and no place of his own. Oh yea of course he’d want to stay. You should read Elysian’s previous post and take it to heart again.
My advice; don’t go to counseling, give him to June 1st to find another place to live, and dump the motherfucker already!
Good luck with counseling.
So which is it? Do you deep down really like this guy and believe that there might be some infintesimal hope? Or are you just a pushover and don’t like hurting people you care about, even to the detriment of your own happiness?
Either way, I hope that the relationship counselor will reveal the truth to both of you.
PLEASE stop letting this parasite mooch off of you. Chrissakes. If he tries to wear you down, you LEAVE. Or make him leave, even better. Give him 50 bucks to go to a hotel for the night if you must. Do NOT let him whine and change your mind. Lock yourself in the bedroom, whatever it takes to shut him the fuck up.
I’m really frustrated FOR YOU! I know this is not an easy decision to make, but you are letting things get worse. You need some tough love to follow through on this decision. So I’m providing it. You know that he is not making you happy. STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Lazy jerks DO NOT CHANGE. EVER. They convince you they want to, things are great for a little while, then boom–backslide.
This has happened to millions or billions of women throughout history. Don’t let yourself be duped anymore, please. Cut the apron strings or so help me, I will yell at you some more! <3
I understand the intent of your message, but I’m not sure the guy deserves THAT level of vitriol.
Yeah, but the thing is, he’s lazy, but not a jerk.
The two are one and the same when his laziness is costing you valuable time, money, and wasted effort that you can never get back. Why do you think you have to (or anyone else should have to) support his laziness?
You need a plan for breaking up with him where he’s not in a position to wear you down.
I doubt you feel it’s come to this yet, but Plan X might be to arrange to change the locks one day when he’s at work, and hire some guys to move his stuff into the garage apartment that same day.
Because as long as he lives in your place, (a) you can’t leave, and (b) he can stay and wear you down.
You are probably not ready to do this yet. But if you don’t get any better ideas for how to keep out of a situation where he can wear you down yet again when you try to break things off, you should keep this option in the back of your mind.
Well, lazy isn’t even the right word - he works his ass off for his business. It’s more complicated than that.
I have no doubt whatsoever that this man loves you, as well as he knows how to love someone. That’s not a snark, we all experience and express love in different ways.
However, what he’s either failing to take into account or choosing to ignore is that YOU DON’T LOVE HIM.