Well, I thought I didn’t anymore, but now I’m confused and bitter.
Yes, because he realized that if you guys break up, he’ll have to get a real job like a grown-up (not to mention having to scoop out his own damn cat box).
This guy knows you want to break up, knows you’re not romantically attracted to him, and doesn’t think you deserve any better than supporting his “aspiring entrepreneur” ass for the rest of your life.
I was going to be more diplomatic, until I read Elysian’s post. You have given this guy 6 years of support and 10,000 god-damn dollars - what the hell has he ever given you?
Oh dear. Look, I think you know this isn’t going to work. You just gave into the whining, and you know that’s not a good foundation for a relationship. It’s not even good parenting, much less good partnering. This is turning into some long drawn-out agonizing mess, and it’s not going to get better.
I think you have to find a way to say “it’s over, that’s all there is to it” and not give him an opportunity to wear you down like that. I can’t actually think of any method (like locking him out and putting his stuff on the porch) that won’t make you think you’re being too cruel, but this has got to stop. I’m sure that the infinite creativity of the Dopers can some up with something you can do…?
Or, you might just have to be cruel. Because he’s really forcing you into that position; much more of this and you’ll need a restraining order.
You weren’t confused until he started talking and talking and talking. This got you to start questioning your resolve to leave him, which until that point was strong.
The reason I feel so strongly about this is because I’ve been in a relationship with a guy who sounds very similar to your guy (though not for so long). I developed co-dependent tendencies, consistently submerged my needs in favor of his selfishness, and stayed in that relationship waaaaay past its expiration date. And I feel like I see a lot of that in you. It’s scary, but you won’t realize how scary until he’s gone and you’re free again.
I hope this doesn’t sound condescending… but that’s the troof of it. The guy I was with had a mental illness and did not even realize that he was exhibiting controlling (aka emotionally abusive) red flags–but he was. I didn’t realize it because I loved him. My friends and family realized it, and I rationalized it away for… a few months. I started to see and accept based on what they were telling me, but even then I didn’t want to leave him because I loved him, and because I didn’t know what he might do to himself if I left. Eventually I toughened up and said, if he kills himself because of me then it’s because of his mental illness, not because of me. He didn’t kill himself, at least I don’t think so, but I went no-contact with him and his family so even if he had I probably wouldn’t have heard about it. tbh I don’t even care anymore, it’s not my problem. And I’m SO GLAD it isn’t.
Anyway… sorry to make this all about me. But it’s not. It’s about us, as women, being strong enough to leave poor partners in the dust. Please dtmfa 
I agree with the “rip the band-aid” off type of posts, but, at the very very least, it sounds like you need to separate. If you feel like you want to give it one more shot with counseling, that’s perfectly okay, but you need to do it from a clear headspace. In my opinion, him living with you after last night’s drama is just going to create creeping resentment on your part. I’m stating the obvious, but nobody wants to feel like they’re getting their arm twisted to stay in a relationship.
This is the biggie. It really doesn’t matter WHY you want out of the relationship. You just fell out of love with him; you don’t like the way he folds his socks; whatever. Nobody has the right to keep you in a relationship that you don’t want to be in anymore. Whether he’s lazy or hardworking or self-supporting or moochy or anything; it’s irrelevant. It’s not his decision to make, and you’re letting him make it for you.
Zsofia, Are you happy in this relationship? If the answer is no, then you should break up. Are you attracted to him? Is the relationship working for you?
I recall from previous threads that he is kind of a slob. Isn’t his stuff all over the house? Does he ever clean?
I have no advice - I’m not very successful in relationships, so how could I think I know?
But I *will *wish you luck and send good thoughts your way.
I almost never get in the middle of these relationship crisis threads on the SDMB, but c’mon - it’s obvious that you know better. Confused and bitter is hardly ever a magical path to eventual happiness.
I have some sympathy for your boyfriend, who must be feeling mighty low right about now. And I get you don’t want to kick the puppy. But it doesn’t sound like you really want to make this work, but rather are resentful that he is talking you in to trying to make it work. And that just ain’t going to work.
Disclaimer: I am the opposite of a relationship expert.
I think Zsofia has a compelling case for breaking up. I don’t like the way he whined his way back in. But I don’t think counseling is necessarily a bad thing. In the unlikely event things work out, you will have a better, stronger relationship. I think it could lead to a less messy break up too. You can leave with your head high, knowing that you made every reasonable effort to save the relationship before you gave up on it. Also, I think it has the potential for less lingering bad feelings between the parties. Finally, it could give you a better skill set to use on your next relationship.
Have you ever looked into why you don’t want to have sex with your boyfriend? If not, you can’t know it won’t just happen to every other guy.
Well, that’s the thing too.
Oh, the pitchforks and torches against this guy that nobody except the OP really knows.
Just because he fails at his business and he doesn’t make her juices flow.
Both serious crimes in the US, this capitalistic gynocracy.
Havent read all the posts in this drama, so forgive me if this has been mentioned already.
It sounds like the OP may go the “lock his ass out route” as a measure of last resort to kick him out.
DO NOT DO THAT. Like it or not, its my understanding that in many states, if you’ve live there for awhile, its your right to live there and who ever is doing the kicking out better go through a certain legal process to do so. And, in some states, it don’t matter if he don’t pay the rent. It don’t matter if he ain’t on the lease. It don’t matter if he owes you lots of money. Nutin matters except thats his “domicile” too.
Just reminding the OP to keep it legal or otherwise it could be her in a world of legal/financial hurt if she goes about this wrong.
See, these seem like super-simple questions, right? But it’s more complicated than that. When it’s good, we’re great together, except for the whole sex thing and maybe that’s because we’ve both been taking one another for granted, who knows. When it’s bad it’s awful.
Yes, he’s a total slob, but so am I. Worst possible combination.
Yeah, slob on slob very seldom works. Need enough common and enough different to make it work…like the Felix Unger/Oscar Madison duo.
Look, nobody is saying that he should be executed or shunned from society. However, nobody has a right to be a in a relationship with a specific person. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make my juices flow and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t attracted to me anymore.
Zsofia, I think on some level, you want this relationship to end, and that is why the sex hasn’t been happening. Do you feel attracted to other people?
What percentage is great, and what percentage isn’t?
This is the only guy I’ve really been in a long term close relationship with - I don’t think I’ve dated anybody else for more than six months or so. So I don’t know if it’s him I’m not hot for or if I’m just one of those people who doesn’t have a high drive and once the bloom is off the rose doesn’t go out of her way, you know? The second-longest relationship I was in I also kind of lost interest in sex by the end, but he was a dumb asshole. So that’s not a data point.
In almost all relationships the sex is better at the beginning…then begins to wane. Hell that’s even stereotypical of most marriages. I’m sure if you use the search feature you could find multiple polls in the IMHO forum that back that assertion up from the population of the SDMB alone.
After having been together as long as you have, and taking the steps you have to maintain the relationship (including counseling already), you’ve done your “due diligence” to keep the relationship going. If you’re just not that into him anymore… why do you want to stay? Is a sense of obligation all that is left binding you to this guy? Because that sounds like emotional coercion, whether it’s intentional on his part of not. I’m guessing it’s not, but that doesn’t mean you should stay. Because if he’s unintentionally coercing you, he’s not mentally healthy, and if he’s intentionally coercing you then he’s a POS. Neither situation makes a good partner.