That makes me sad. You’re right, though - the word has become loaded down with connotations, so that it no longer simply describes what is, basically, a fairly straightforward and routine medical procedure.
When I got knocked up in college and went to have one, reminding myself that it is, basically, a fairly straightforward and routine medical procedure, helped a great deal with the emotional baggage. It was absolutely, 250% the best and, really, only option for me at the time that wouldn’t have resulted in the complete destruction of my life, and I didn’t WANT all that emotional baggage, because I was going through with it one way or the other.
(It cost a couple hundred bucks at Planned Parenthood, but this was years ago and I don’t know what the charges are now. Dammit, when did I get old? :smack: Anyway, SpermDonor and I split the bill.)
Best of luck to ya. I will point out that if you’re worried about the financial ramifications of an abortion, there’s no way in hell you can afford a baby and subsequent child …
Pregnancy messes with your hormones, and your hormones mess with your emotions, big-time. If you are pregnant, you might end up getting emotional over TV commercials, or just getting emotional for no apparent reason at all, never mind a major life decision like getting an abortion.
About two years ago I had 2 or three periods all 6-8 weeks apart. No medical reason other than stress as far as anyone can tell. At the time I didn’t feel particularly stressed, but looking back on it I was under a lot of pressure.
Astro: It’s about being ready. I had two abortions when I was young and stupid, and have now spent a huge amount of money trying to concieve (2 rounds of IVF and I-don’t-know how many rounds of IUI). I don’t regret the abortions at all - I now am ready to have a child, but 22 years ago? No way.
If she changes her mind later and decides to have a kid then, that’s awsome and good on her. If she doesn’t, that’s also awesome and good on her. But right now, she’s (from what she says) not ready to deal with the responsibility of being a parent.
Even if a bunch of money falls in your lap right now, I beg you to remember that your emotional state right now is not a good one to make any more big life decisions than you have to right now.
Let me say this about that: the fact that you might possibly someday want kids does not mean that therefore, you should have this kid now. Those women who wished, in retrospect, that they had gone ahead and had kids have no way of knowing how it would have turned out. It’s easy to look back in your 40’s and think wistfully about the child you would like to have had and imagine how great your life would be now, but there’s no guarantee it would have gone like that at all.
I had an abortion. Two, actually. I have a kid now, and he’s the best thing ever. But even when I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have him, I still didn’t regret having those abortions. Because there’s a strong possibility it would not have worked out well, for anyone involved. There’s always that possibility, just as there was (and still is) with the kid I do have. This “parenting” thing could still go tits up in any number of ways, at any moment. But I’m willing and able to take that risk now. I wasn’t then.
The bottom line is, the only reason you should ever have a kid is because you’re ready to have a kid in your life, right now - because that’s the only guarantee you get: “a kid”. You have no idea what that kid will be like, in terms of personality, intelligence, physical and mental health, or anything else. So - in my opinion - unless you’re ready to accept the risk that having a kid might be the biggest and most irreversible mistake you ever make, don’t do it. I’d much rather risk missing the hypothetical child I* might *have had than forever resenting the actual one I *do *have.
<big hugs> I had one serious pregnancy scare; I went to <what I think was> Planned Parenthood, and they looked at my cycle and told me there was no way I could be pregnant. So I spent the next week scared shitless until Aunt Flo showed up.
Then I got knocked up on a boat in the middle of nowhere, with no way to leave in time to get an abortion…until the seas literally changed, tides turned, everybody off the boat!
It’s not that it’s an easy decision, but if it’s the right one, then you know it…and it sounds like you do. You can feel bad, or not; you can even feel bad about NOT feeling bad <that’s kind of more where I was> but in any case it sounds like you really do know what you want, and don’t want, and trust me, you’ll be fine. And yeah, I’d try Planned Parenthood if I were you; they might be able to at least do a payment plan thing, if nothing else.
More big hugs and hopes that it’s just a stress-jump.
Take a home pregnancy test on your own. Don’t go to a doctor or clinic to do it. They will most likely use the same test you would at home, but you might have to pay more for it at a doctor’s office or clinic. Unfortunately, there are clinics out there that will tell you you aren’t pregnant when you are, so that you can’t look into getting an abortion as early as possible.
If you do need to go to a doctor, go to a doctor you know and trust, or to an organization that you know is not anti-abortion (Planned Parenthood comes to mind). There are a lot of anti-abortion places out there that try to trick women into thinking they are a place where you can get an abortion. A crisis pregnancy center is not what you want, if you have decided you want an abortion if you are pregnant. They will use all kinds of tactics, including outright lying to you, to try to keep you from getting an abortion.
I wouldn’t trust any place that advertises “free pregnancy tests”, unless it was Planned Parenthood or another group that I knew to not be anti-abortion. If I did get one of those free pregnancy tests, and they told me it was negative, I wouldn’t trust them on that, either.
I am really sorry about your situation. I have counseled several women many decades after they had a abortion, helping them release issues related to their abortions, so I do know that it can take a very long time for some people. If you wish to abort I suggest you find lots of support and be able to share with people who care about you. Your openness here is a great idea and sign that you are going to be OK as you can reach out to others for help - many can not.
I also need to mention, looking at your post, have you considered adopting? I know that you do not see pregnancy as a favorable state via your posting, but even in it state that some women may enjoy it and it may not be as bad as it seems to you, and even if it is there is a end date in sight. I’m not saying that adoption is right for you and your situation, but just asking is abortion right for you and your situation in light of the way you expressed how you feel about it? I really suggest getting in touch with your feelings with people you trust. Hiding behind clinical talk doesn’t deal with the underlying emotions.
Good luck and best wishes to you in whatever decision you have made.
I was once TWO MONTHS late when I was in college, unemployed and malnourished. That was a terrible couple of months. I must have taken a pregnancy test a week.
I’ve skipped months too, despite being nourished just fine. Like you, I peed on a test every few days, thinking that had to be the reason I wasn’t bleeding. Stress can throw off your hormones and suppress ovulation, and plenty of medical conditions can do it too (I’m looking into those medical possibilities right now because I’m trying to conceive). If you don’t ovulate, you don’t get your period, so you can be “late” but not be pregnant.
Stauderhorse, take a test as soon as you can, so you know what your situation is. Either way, I wish you well.
I’m hoping you aren’t pregnant and sending you hugs!
Once in my mid-20s I went 43 days in between periods, for no reason at all. I wasn’t under a lot of stress or sick or anything. Now I am in my early 40’s and just last period I went close to 7 weeks in between periods. That might be because I started a new, calorie restrictive diet, or it could be my body changing.
Hopefully, this is just your body reacting to something…or nothing.
That sucks! I’ve had times in my life where I was so paranoid that I might be pregnant that I took a test just in case (even though it was physically impossible for me to BE pregnant). The negative result always made me feel better, regardless.
My periods stopped altogether after I got PCOS. So it might be a zygoteclump, or it might be stress, or it might be PCOS, or it could be nothing. Either way, I wish you the best!
The lovely Mrs. Cliffy just plain skipped a month when we were in college. Scared the shit out of us, as you can imagine, but it turned out to be nothing. But as you know, even if it doesn’t come up the way you want it, abortion is a safe and effective way to terminate a pregnancy. As others have said, if it comes to that, find yourself a Planned Parenthood. Tragically, there’s plenty of places that will try to con you into thinking you’re getting the help you need while steering you (or outright lying) to prevent an abortion.
You’re not alone, almost every woman has been right where you are, at some time or other.
I was so convinced, when it happened to me, that I was pregnant, when the Dr’s office called (pre home tests!), to say I wasn’t, I did not believe them! But a week later, they were right, I was wrong. I had to call to cancel the appointment I’d already made to have another test, certain the first one was wrong, wrong, wrong!
(No one should ever recommend adoption to another person unless they themselves possess the emotional strength to surrender one their own children. Just my opinion, but it’s as offensive as recommending abortion, to my mind. Both are deeply personal, physically trying, mental health impacting, life shaping decisions. Butt out, I say.)
You’re in my thoughts, Stauderhorse! Hope everything works out for the best - and if you’re in my area (Chicago burbs), I’d be happy to be there for you if you need me - just let me know. Even if you just want to talk. Even if you ain’t in my area, feel free to PM me! Hugs.
This, this, this. Some “crisis pregnancy centers” (anti-choice lie mills) even try to imitate the name of a legitimate abortion provider to trick people into coming to them.
Also, IMHO, it’s OK to feel a little heavy of heart about an abortion, AND it’s OK to have the abortion at the same time. If I got knocked up now, I would probably terminate, even though my husband and I would feel a little regretful because, in his words, we make awesome people.
I’m pretty sure for every woman who eventually regrets having an abortion, there are at least two women who regret having a baby.
You might want to get a few tests, so you can test ASAP and hopefully get a preliminary negative, then test again when you’re absolutely sure the HCG would be high enough to show on the test. Every time I thought I might be pregnant, whether I wanted to be or not, I would test multiple times because otherwise the obsessive worry/hope would get to me too much.
Hugs.