I considered my virginity a barrier to me being able to bravely enter in to new relationships. My nervousness about sex was holding me back, so I got rid of it at 19 with someone that I only kind of liked. It wasn’t great or terrible, but even during I could tell I would enjoy it with the right person. Two weeks later, I met the greatest man in the world, and it was such a joy for it to not be a stumbling block in the process of getting to know him. I was still pretty nervous about everything, but that’s b/c he’s so damn dreamy!) I still don’t regret what I did. I think it was a excellent move for me.
But I do think it’s an intensely personal choice for people. I think it’s fine to wait until marriage or whatever. Or never. I think our society places too much importance on sex, or lack thereof, anyway. It’s just something that your body’s wired for to make more of the species, and it’s such a happy occurance that the females of our species can enjoy it too. I say, take advantage of it!
virginity is just the first time you have sex. that’s all.
my first time was when i was 13 with my bf at the time, we’d been going out for 9 days i think lol it was no different to any other time we had sex, it just happened to be the first time.
Well, lol to you, too. How old are you now? Because I am curious to see what a young person’s perspective on virginity is nowadays. When I lost mine, I was a stud, and the girl was a ‘whore’. (Not my perspective before everyone jumps down my throat!).
From what I’ve heard from younger people, (gods I feel old now) it is still the case that the guy is of course a stud that deserves a medal and possibly pie while the girl is a slut to be lectured about pregnancy and STDs, perhaps shunned as well.
This is in the view of my SO’s sister who is in high school, though I took liberties with the exact phrasing.
I was a recruiter and spent a lot of time in high school’s and it seemed to be a little, how do I say it, ummm… more relaxed now. The kids tended to be a little more open about having sex (boys and girls), although I never questioned their attitudes.
But you read these reports about 7th graders performing oral sex to stay virgins, and this percentage of 9th graders have had this many partners, and so on.
Sex is, to me, sex. I have done it within the confines of a relationship and I’ve done it without the relationship. I prefer it in the relationship, but if other people want to do it the other way, I won’t judge them. So long as they’re being safe about it, anyway.
D’oh. I hate it when I do that. Anyway, where I was going with that was, that said, I think that your first time should be with someone who at least wants you to get something out of it - not necessarily in a relationship, but someone who gives enough of a shit to not be violent, and at least TRY to give you some pleasure before the big event. A random encounter with a kind stranger would be enough for me to feel at ease with the idea (for someone else; having sex with strangers squicks me out).
For I while I planned on remaining a virgin until I was married… atleast I said that. Inside I never really believed that I would. I just decided for myself that I would wait for the right guy. Not just a “You’ll do.” moment.
I had sex for the first time at 18, just shy of the 2 year mark with my ex boyfriend. It was what I expected. Painful but not excruciating. I felt no different afterwards. I didn’t expect to. I just thought to myself “I’m not a virgin anymore. I’m okay with that.”
Waiting as long as I did certainly helped weed out most of the jerks who just wanted to get laid. Too bad the ex was still a jerk.
My girlfriend is 23 and is a virgin. I don’t understand it myself, but even though I don’t agree with her decision, nor like the consequences very much, I respect her and her desires. We “mess around” (i.e oral), but for the most part it is one way- she recieves, rarely gives. (We’ve been together for about 5 months now, and I think I have been on the recieving end twice- her on the other hand, about 10 times that)
She claims it is for religious reasons, but that is confusing because she rarely goes to church, doesn’t pray before meals, and I have maybe heard her talk about God three times.
It is rather frustrating for me. I am almost 30, at my sexual peak, and she has another year of school left, and I have two. So if I stay with her until we are married, I will be 31 before we are married. She likes to mess around quite a bit, but trust me, fooling around with clothes on can be quite painful for a guy, and when it is one way, it is work.
There is also the whole high school mentality talk that grates on my nerves sometimes. It seems to me that she likes to talk about kissing and making out a lot, and it comes off as very JR High. (not the kissing and making out part, but the whole kissing and making out as edgy and cool and dangerous)
Sometimes it feels like there is more than 6 years between us.
If you’re so sexually incompatible, why are you even together? Do you think it will somehow get better when you get married? It won’t! Please don’t say, “But I love her!” Your love is not returned, believe me, and it’s not just about the sex. If she wants to be a virgin until marriage, fine, she should find a guy who at least wants to marry a virgin, but preferably one who is himself a virgin and wants to stay that way until their wedding night. You, my horny friend, need to find a hot-blooded 28-year-old grad student, move in with her and fuck each other until your ears bleed. Dump your junior-high girlfriend and go get laid!
Ouch! I do love her actually, and sex isn’t THAT important. We get along great, my parents like her, my friends love her, we rarely fight and I enjoy her company. I’ve gone longer stints without sex, and though I am no virgin, I am not a hornball looking to score hot ass. I don’t necessarily understand why you think her love isn’t returned, sex != love.
It is frustrating, and I may be foolish thinking it will be better after marriage, why wouldn’t it be. Unless she just turns out to not like it after she has it.
I can’t speak for Sunrazor, but my concern regarding sex is that she doesn’t seem especially interested in your pleasure. It’s not that she wants to refrain from vaginal intercourse until marriage, it’s that she can’t be bothered to reciprocate the sexual favors she receives, even when they don’t fall into the “forbidden” zone. The last time I checked, a *religious * aversion to oral sex would prevent one from both performing *and * receiving.
Actually, you did an *excellent * job of speaking for Sunrazor, who has trouble not just going :smack: when other guys whine about not getting the sex they want.
Sorry, Epimetheus, but I misread your post – I really thought it was about sex. However, if you are confident she truly is a virgin, and if her virginity truly is that important to her, yet you fail to understand that importance, then there is a fundamental problem in your relationship. Your description of why you are together (your friends and family like her, you rarely argue, etc.) makes her sound like a terrific candidate for a buddy. A wife? Not so much. I don’t get the sense that you feel like you are the center of her universe, and vice-versa. Do her eyes light up when you walk in the room? Is she attentive to what you want? Does she show signs of thinking constantly about you when you’re not together? Does she “window-shop” with you in mind? These are all signs of a girl gone ga-ga over her guy. After 33 years of marriage, Razorette still tells me her world orbits around my sun, and the feeling is mutual.
Having said all of that, remember: My advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.
I am with everybody else on this, sorry. And I think your last sentence tops it off. Get out of it.
Meaningless prediction As soon as you two end the relationship, she will hook up with some asshole who is not as patient with you and will be having sex with him within a month.
I broke my duck at aged 13, it was over so bloody fast I almost missed it.
Anyway I was unimpressed, so much so then when I got home I thought about it for a while and then masturbated which took me slighly longer, not much I admit, but still…
I was a callow youth she was an experienced gal of 19 and the next time we did it
she made certain I lasted longer than 15 seconds, that time I was greatly impressed, oh yes!!!
I should have added that we continued seeing each other for about 6 months during which time she used my body for her gratification on many occasions despite my protestations
She eventually cast me aside like a sodden glove I ws devastated and it took me ages to get over her…well at least 2 weeks.
I’m guessing that it is important to her, and I do respect it, even if I don’t understand or agree with her views. I am not agreeing to her right of it, but do I think it is silly? Of course. Just as I think it is silly that some people don’t drink or dance or wear pants because of religious reasons. Do I look down my nose at them- I certainly try not to, I respect them as people, and realize that they have different ideals and conventions as myself, thats it.
These are my thoughts on Virginity. I didn’t come in this thread trying to ask opinions on if I should break up with my girlfriend, or any other sort of relationship advice. I know nobody means any harm in it, but psycho-analzying a girl from one post, and deducing that she doesn’t love me, or I her, is a bit of a stretch. I’ll admit, sometimes she seems self-centered, but who isn’t at times? Many guys don’t like going down on girls, many girls don’t like going down on guys. I’m not going to break up with her for reasons purely physical. (We may have issues that go beyond, which lead me to believe that we will never reach the marriage point- such as that I am a Deist and she is a Christian, and that she doesn’t “believe” in Evolution, which I also find silly)
I do appreciate the insight, so I do appologize if this post comes off as dissmissive. I just don’t see myself breaking it off for the reasons given by posters, thought that isn’t to say that I think I will marry the girl.
There is more to it, of course. Her eyes light up when I walk in the room, and she is very touchy-feely. I don’t know if she constantly thinks about me, but I doubt it. She takes her school very seriously (Grad school in Physical Therapy), and she is the personality type that thinks and talks about herself a lot. Perhaps she loves herself more than me, I dunno. She is pretty thoughtful and attentive to me and what I want other than that.
Is it really that bad to think people over the age of 20 holding on to their virginity is silly? I think it is possible to be respectful of their wishes without thinking it is a really neat idea. If it makes me a bad person by merely wishing it weren’t so, and having a modicum of sexual interest, then so be it. I am the scum of the earth. Never had a one night stand, never dated a girl just to sleep with her, and never broke up with a girl cause she didn’t put out, but thinking her choice is silly and wishing I could have sex like a normal person with the girl I love tips the scale and makes me a monster.
You’re right, and I apologize, both to you for the unsolicited and probably useless advice, and to **Mouse_Maven ** for the hijack.
Back to virginity: You asked: “Is it really that bad to think people over the age of 20 holding on to their virginity is silly?” I answer: This is the “In My Humble Opinion” thread, so you have every right to express that opinion. And in that spirit, I further offer: My humble opinion is that if your girlfriend’s virginity, and her insistence on hanging on to it for the time being, bother you … well, now we’re back to relationship advice.
gal of 19 and the next time we did it
I ws devastated and it took me ages to get over her…well at least 2 weeks.