For those not familiar with the legend, some porn stars derive their names from a system:
First name: the name of the first pet you ever had
Surname: the name of the first street you lived on
I honestly have no idea if any porn star ever actually used this, but it’s somewhere between an urban legend and a tradition.
Obviously you have to make some adjustments; if I went with the above my porn name would be
War Eagle Rural Route One
which doesn’t really work, so I go with the first pet who had a male/human name and the first street that could conceivably be a surname, which would make me
Pepper Nitz. I used to associate the Nitz part with baby lice, but then a poster pointed out to me that the German Nitz is pronounced “nights”, so that’s way better.
Smoky Orchard, which sounds more like a bee-keeping service than a porn star.
If I went with a later street, I could be Smoky Beechwood, which sounds more like a barbecue sauce. That’s OK, there isn’t much of a market for bald middle-aged porn stars under any name.
Bandit isn’t bad, but it needs a better surname. Unfortunately, the next street I lived on was 253rd St, then 254th Pl. My streets are letting me down.
Actually if you flip it- Cherry Picante- it sounds really great for an adult star.
Sounds like something an old guy with a Maine accent (ala Fred Gwynne in Pet Semetary) would advertise: “Heah at Smoky Orchard, sometimes bread is bettah, ayap.”
Curiosity compels me to ask: how do you pronounce Eekm and what kind of pet was s/he?
