Marge, alarmed" “Homer, STOP! You’re drinking dish soap again!”
Homer pulls bottle from mouth and looks at it. Shrugs shoulders.
Homer: “Yeah, well, what’re ya gonna do?” Replaces bottle in mouth, drinks deeply.
My favorite exchange in all of Simpsons-dom!
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!
Bartyouwannaseemynewchainsawandhockeymask?!?!
Convicted of a crime I didn’t even commit! “Attempted Murder”? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for “Attempted Chemistry”? Do they?
Furious George! – What have they done to your beautiful face?!
“Hello, is Seymour there? Yeah, Seymour. His last name’s ‘Butts.’”
“Ok, I wanna Seymour Butts! Hey, I said I wanna Seymour Butts!”
We can’t bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…
Oh man, I shouldn’t have had all that beer and coffee and watermelon.
Well, if it’s a crime to love one’s country, then I’m guilty. And if it’s a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I’m guilty of that too. And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I’ll soon be guilty of that!
When I call an establishment asking to speak to my Russian business associate Yuri Nator, I do not expect to be lectured to like I was a ten year old boy making a crank call.
I like men now.
This anonymous band of slack-jawed troglodytes just cost me the election. Yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail! That’s democracy for you.
Always remember, if something goes wrong, just blame it on the guy who doesn’t speak any English.
“Now, kids, today is a very special day.”
“YAAAAYYYY!!! JUDGEMENT DAY!! JUDGEMENT DAY!!”
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
We’re going out, Marge! If we don’t come back, avenge our deaths!
Oh, my God! Space aliens! Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Bonjourrrrrrrr, ya cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!
Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead.