“…and I contend that those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question.”
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
So … do you like stuff?
Umm, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things? The…things?
It’s more like “fuh-LAME-ing!”
You must pay a fine of TWO American dollars!
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Why don’t you start a rumor that he’s ding-a-ling-a-ling, hello! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, what a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata!
I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
“This Bible cost fifteen bucks, and talk about a preachy book! EVERYONE’S a sinner! …Except this guy.”
Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires!
This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal!
I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
Call Mister Plow,
That’s my name.
The name again
Is Mister Plow
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
39 Fops a-fopping,
38 Fishwives hawking,
37 Coopers cooping,
36 Bootblacks buffing,
35 Buskers busking,
34 Something something,
33 Alchemists transmuting,
32 Dutchmen plotting,
31 Doctors leeching,
30 Year average life span,
29 Smiths a-forging,
28 Coopers cooping,
We did that one already.
Shh.
27 Eelers eeling,
26 Anarchists bombing,
25 Swamis foreseeing,
24 Sideburns curling,
23 Monks a-changing,
22 Rats a-plaguing,
21 Coxswains calling,
20 Flautists fluting,
19 Footmen bowing,
18 Gungas dinning,
17 Seventy six,
16 Midwives birthing,
15 Aliens alienating,
14 Jacks a-ripping,
(gasp)
13 Scriveners scrivening,
12 lords a-leaping.
Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
I’ve been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly!
“He’s jumping out of the car Kent! He’s trying to climb over the fence! Now he’s realizing he’s too fat! He’s digging a hole like a dog! Now he’s given up on that and he’s running back and forth! He’s climbing into a pipe and he seems to be stuck! His legs are dangling in a comical fashion! It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen!”
I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.