We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun.
You know you’re not supposed to go in there, Ralphie. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That’s when it’s time to kick some back!
“Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?”
“No! [bzzt!] All right, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him.” [ding!]
“Checks out. Okay sir, you’re free to go.”
“That’s good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [bzzt!] Umm, a date. [bzzt!] Dinner with friends. [bzzt!] Dinner alone. [bzzt!] Watching TV alone. [bzzt!] All right! I’m gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria Secret’s catalog. [bzzt!] …Sears catalog. [ding!] Now will you unhook this already? I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment!” [bzzt!]
You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
May I just say, this is the one Simpsons’ quote that always makes me snort out loud, whether I see the actual episode or read the transcript.
I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Ahh!
We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere.
I call the big one Bitey.
Marge: “You know how I feel about fake kidnappings!”
Homer: “Still?”
Now the monkeys cannot bite me! I am like sugar to them!
Simpson, eh…?
Big deal! When I was a boy, we used to get spanked by presidents ALL the time! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!
All right, Colossus, you’re free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain.
In that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. Don’t worry, it’s just a name!
Why, you little…
That’s right – it’s actually a peninsula.
Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?
It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day.