Hey, fatty! I’ve got a movie for ya - “A Fridge Too Far!”
(educational film about the lower gravity on the moon: a fat kid is stuffing his face)
Slow down, tubby! You’re not on the moon yet.
“If there’s one thing America needs, it’s more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?”
Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
“Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot that bottle of… delicious… bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors… so tempting. [holds the bottle to his ear] [whispering] What’s that? You want me to drink you? But I’m in the middle of a trial!”
“Legally, I am allowed to shake him by the ankles and see what comes out. It was established in the case of Lawyers v. Justice… That was a wonderful day for us!”
Clogging our courts since 1974!
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.
“Have the Rolling Stones killed.”
“But sir, those were the --”
“Do as I tell you!!”
“I Can’t Believe It’s A Law Firm!”
WORKS ON CONTINGENCY[size=“5”]?
NO,MONEY DOWN![/size]allcaps
“If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?
“Motivated seller!”
Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
“LIES, LIES, LIES! I did it! I did it all! You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! Bah, I deride your truth-handling abilities. Only I could have executed such a masterpiece of electoral fraud, and I have the records to prove it! Here, just look at these – each one a work of Machiavellian art. But why? Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! That’s why I did this: to protect you from yourselves! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a city to run.”
“Bailiff, place the mayor under arrest.”
“What? Oh yes…all that stuff I did.”
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat!?’. I’m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.
I was elected to lead, not to read.
Hey, there’s a balloon machine in our bathroom!
Ganesh has been subdued. The wedding may now continue.
Things aren’t as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office.
Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.