Attention passengers, please prepare for our landing in Tanzania… I’m sorry. It is now called “New Zanzibar”… Excuse me. It is now called “Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar.”
Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off! Let me off!
Oh, the humanity! Anyway…to turn on the store’s “severe tire damage” spikes, here’s Little Miss Springfield.
Careful - that’s a load-bearing poster.
Mmmm…sugar walls.
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. Canyonero!
Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
Television! Teacher, mother…secret lover. Urge to kill… fading… fading… fading - rising! Fading… fading… gone. Come, family. Sit in the snow with daddy and let us all bask in TV’s warm glowing warming glow.
Ooh, I smell barbecue! Hey, look… AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Oh, they’re out of hot dogs! And the coleslaw has pineapple in it! AAIIEEE!! German potato salad!
Oh, that’s nothing. He can hear pudding.
Willy hears ya. Willy don’t care.
No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father’s going to go crazy and chop 'em all into haggis!
So then his wife comes through the door! Did I mention that she was dead? Well, she was. And she hit him in the head with a golf club! Don’t you remember? He went golfing all the time and it really bugged her!
Hey, since when was Christmas just about the presents? Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day? The birth of Santa?
Hey, you want that once-a-year empty gesture, you got it, Sis.
“Dear friends of the Simpson family. We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First, the sadness: our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. But we bought a new little cat Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grandpa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A’s, and Bart… well, we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.”
Uh, yeah…well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
I’m not gonna lie to you, Marge.
:: stares at her ::
Since we have 15 minutes until recess, please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room.
Hey, I found a short cut through your hedge maze.