Damn! Now the people I work with are ** sure ** I’m a lunatic. That was too funny.
Next time think about huge mounds of dead ground hogs - you’ll be done in no time. 
BRAVO, MAN! Good show!
CLASSIC “getting me in trouble at work due to fits” thread!
I needed that.
Thanks for the laugh Scylla. Good luck on your breeding program.
"Erectile Dysfuntion (ED): The inability to achieve a timely erection. Or the limp noodle condition.
Impotence: The inability to impregnate a woman, generally from low sperm count, and bad swimmers."
Once and for all - ED and Impotence are the SAME thing… The inability to impregnate someone is caused by many different things, such as low sperm count and motility.
Don’t you people know your cock-talk? 
Scylla, that was beautiful. <giggle>
And hysterical.
BTW - I also thought that Omni’s definitions were correct, but according to the On-line Medical Dictionary:
impotence
<urology> The inability to achieve or sustain a penile erection
Sterility (or now called Male Infertility) is the condition of no active sperm and the inability to impregnate
Impotence and ED are the same thing.
Few sperm or ineffectual sperm however is not the same thing as ED or impotence.
According to my Oxford Dictionary of Current English:
Impotent: (of a male) unable to achieve an erection or orgasm.
That, apparently, would not be your problem.
I really enjoyed your story. Feynn has to take the sample back after the vasectomy, so perhaps we’ll have a funny story of our own soon.
Fortunately, my office-mate has a similar sense of humor. When I break into hysterical laughter, he just wanders over and reads the page.
When they’re really good, he asks me to send him a link so he can forward it to his cronies.
He insisted on getting this one. Right NOW!!
Scylla, Good luck to you & Mrs. Scylla. Hope to see news of a Baby Scylla soon!
Persephone:
No I didn’t tell my assistant what it was. Hopefullsy she just figured I blew my nose and missed the tissue or something.
ROFL — this is way too funny. I too first thought of Something About Mary when I read it.
~Tracie
This reminds me of the one time I had to do this…
I had been away on a business trip when my wife had her doctor’s appointment and they scheduled an appointment for me when I got back. Luckily the doctor’s office was right down the street so I was able to do everything at home.
The problem came in when I got to the doctor’s office - I gave the lab the slip and the cup and they told me that they don’t take that kind of sample there.
Completely embarassed now I tell them that this is where I was told to go and asked where I really needed to go. They told me that I needed to go to the lab at the hospital.
When I get there I wander around for a little bit until I find the lab and explain the whole situation. They try to tell me that I need an appointment since they can only do one a day.
At this point I wanted them to either take the cup and test it or just throw it away - I wasn’t going to wander around anymore asking people to take my sperm. =) Luckily they took it and said they would try to get it tested.
It turns out the doctor had just moved to a new building and didn’t realize they didn’t do sperm tests in the lab at the new building - but it was quite an embarassing situation. =)
Scylla, hilarious story. My only wish for you is that all goes well in your quest for little Scyllas, so when they grow up you can tell them the story!
“And that kids, is how you got here!”
Too funny man, and good luck.
Sili
Scylla, you have one hell of a life!!!
First the groundhogs get your goat and now the wife wants your . . . . um, well, sample.
Great thread. You ought to go into stand-up-- comedy, that is.
Oh dear.
Oh dear. 
ROFLMAO! Very, very funny stuff Scylla. Oops, I mean very inspiring.
The OP and this add up to me nearly blacking out. Whew…heeheehee.
I had to have one done, too. My experience wasn’t as funny as the OP, but it had its moments.
I made an appointment at a lab my insurance was affiliated with. When I got there, they said that they didn’t do those tests there. “Then why the hell did your receptionist take my appointment,” I screamed in my head. I of course knew the answer: she was ignorant.
So I went to a lab that did take sperm samples (clear across the @!#?@! county). They ushered me to a special room called: the restroom. Fortunately, it was a single person facility, so I didn’t have to worry about people peeking between the panels of the stalls. But since this was a general lab, they didn’t have any visual aids. So it took me a little while to get ready. Also, I had a trajectory problem: because I was standing up, so too was my aim. But I had to aim down into a 5 cm cup. But I managed to get my sample.
Months later, my wife and I are at a fertility clinic where she’s going to get an interuterine insemination (IUI). I of course need to give another sample. They did have a room with a technical name; darn it all, I forgot it. But it basically meant “place where men masturbate”. It had a cushy chair and a supply of “Playboy” magazines. Jeez, “Cosmo” has hotter pictures than “Playboy”. But with a little added thought, they did the trick. Of course, I still had the aiming problem.
Great story!
I recently had a conversation with a woman at a party who works at a fertility clinic. The clinic she works at does have one of “those” rooms for men to do their duty. They have dirty magazines, a nice comfortable couch and even a TV/VCR with porno flicks! She said that a big problem is that guys keep stealing the tapes. Apparently, “Asian Muff Divers” is the most often stolen tape. So she takes the tapes home and dupes them, which has led to any number of embarrassing situations with her pre-teen kids and their friends.
Little Timmy: “What’s your Mom doing?”
Little Billy: “Probably taping Asian Muff Divers again.”
[Homer Simpson voice] Mmmm…sperm… [/Homer Simpson voice]
Ruffian, you are now #2 on the list, directly under silver_fire. Congratulations, perv!
LOL
hehehe
You’re the man Scylla.
I think this may be my new sig.
Scylla, great story! Good luck with the reproduction!