Standin' in the shower, thinkin'

Not about what makes a man, but…let’s talk about a (hypothetical for you, maybe not so much for others) scenario.

Once upon a time, in the distant past – we shall call it the 90’s – a dear friend of mine went to a party. Now DF (dear friend) was (and I would presume, though I haven’t spoken to him in ages, still is) a bisexual guy. DF had imbibed much beer and was happily mellow when another dear friend (ADF) reached over, patted DF on the leg, and said, oh wait. I should mention that ADF was a well-known heterosexual. By that, I mean, ADF tolerated DF’s sexual preference, but would get quite annoyed when DF brought his boyfriends around. Where was I? Oh, yes, and said “DF, I’ve always wanted to suck your dick.”

You knew that was coming, right? Yeh, because you’re reading the story here – we did not know that was coming, at the time. DF, instead of whipping out said dick for much suckage, opted to punch ADF in the face. Why, you may ask? Shock. In all the years that DF knew ADF, (which was many) ADF never set off DF’s gaydar. To be perfectly honest, ADF only barely set off my gaydar, which has been known to be highly and finely tuned.

Here is where I ask you – if you were presented with the same situation, how do you think you would respond?

Ahhhh, but I was in the shower. Thinking. Let me get back to that.

So, back in that era known as “the 90’s” I was much more easily angered than I am now. Without going into much detail, let me just sum up a situation for you – long-time friend (LTF) got kissed by first boyfriend (FB). I wasn’t angry with LTF, since she was the one kissed by a known philanderer. FB was kicked to the curb in the interest of keeping LTF as an LTF. LTF, however went weird. Started talking smack about me behind my back and included situation with FB as “proof” of my worthlessness. LTF ended up throwing a punch during an altercation, which put LTF in the hospital. I am not proud of my anger, but believe me when I say I very much can hold my own in a scrap.

Years have passed and the incident, while being embarassing to me, was all but forgotten. I have learned to let bygones be bygones. What is in the past is in the past and nothing I can or ever will do can change it one iota. All that verbosity to say that LTF disappeared into the vast years between then and now.

So, a few weeks ago, I am checking my Myspace and discover a friend request. Now, my policy on Myspace is such that if you are a band/musician/whatever and send me a friend request, I will check out your page and if I like your music, add you. I don’t mind being a means of advertising if you’re good. If it is an individual, I will check out the profile – if it doesn’t seem to be spam, porn or some other BS type of account – I will add them. In many cases, I have had to go back and delete and block people as they only wanted me to add them before they proceeded to send me nasty messages about things they would like to do to me. I have a husband for that, thanks, though.

Crap, sorry, I’m telling you getting me to stay on topic is like teaching a mango to ice skate. Where was I? Oh, yeh, the friend request. You’re a bright group, and if you have read this far, you know what I am about to say. It was from LTF.

LTF apparently, after many years of being a homophobic Southern Baptist, came out of the closet, leaving her husband for another woman. Ok, whatever – who am I to judge? I like girls, too. LTF has been trying to figure out how to contact me for somewhere around 8 years, she said. We reconnect. Cool. I have reconnected with several people via Myspace. Past is past, and all that, right?

Are you bored yet?

Ahhh, yes. Well, I should be going to bed shortly. I’m tired. It’s rough getting up at 5:30 every day. Where was I?

Oh, yeh. So we all know what comes next. LTF has admitted that she always had a “thing” for me. I didn’t punch her when she said that. Be proud of me. No, actually, you don’t have to be proud of me – I was all the way across the room, but she did say it in front of my husband (who she also has known since…well, she has known me since like 1981? and known him probably almost as long?) and my kids. Does it bother me that she said it in front of my kids? Nah. My daughter is pretty openly bisexual & we’re an open-minded bunch, but yeh, it was one of those WTF? moments.

So, I like LTF. She’s an ok person, and obviously we had a lot in common years ago. Surprisingly, we still have a lot in common, and I kind of like hanging out with her. But.

Yeh, there’s always a but, right? But, I find myself in bitch mode. I tease her. It’s one of those things I actually do without thinking about the fact that I am doing it, but then my husband will point it out and I know I did it. Things like when she went to the Y with me the other day (to decide if she wanted to join – we did a yoga class) and was ready to leave, I told her to hug me before I got in the shower. Yeh, I was nekkid.

So, I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to be more concious of my flirting/teasing so I will stop, because I honestly do not want to lead her on, but I have always been a flirt. And it has always been dangerous to admit to liking me, she knew that. Crap, she knew me during some of my more…adventurous ages. Anywho…so, I was standin’ in the shower thinkin’ about how I really need to stop being a bitch and would it be meaner to limit the time I spend with her or spend time with her knowing I will most likely continue to do things that are teasing/flirtatious? Thoughts?

So did DF accept the BJ from LTF?

No, DF never received a BJ from LTF, although FB did receive 2 of them. Does that clear things up a bit?

Wtf?

You know I came in here because I have been humming that song for the past 2 weeks…

So, I’m going to get to the point; does LTF have a chance with you? You were saying you’re an open minded bunch and a with loose interpretation of that phrase one might infer that you would possibly welcome an outsider into the relationship. The important part here is that your LTF might infer the same, and your flirting/teasing might actually give her hope – that’s bad if it isn’t true, not so bad if it is true.

I think you’ll probably choose your own path on this, so I’m not going to give any definitive advice, just think about her feelings before you do whatever…

I didn’t get much sleep last night.

Is it a bad sign that my mind was more focused on the visual of teaching a mango to ice skate than it was in the visual of Litoris in the shower?

'Cause I think I can fit a skate onto a mango. I may need some more duct tape …

Well, how serious are her feelings for you? I mean, is it a fairly casual “eh, I’d do her” kind of attraction or has she been pining for you in a star-crossed love sort of way for these last 27 years? If the former, I’d say don’t worry about it. If the later (and assuming you’re just not into her, or that your husband would not be okay with it), then, yeah, either tone down the nekkid flirting or don’t hang out with her.

There’s an unfortunate tendency for many of us, even the bisexual ones, to think that same-gender affairs or infatuations don’t “count”. I know plenty of monogamous guys who would be outraged if their wives/girlfriends slept with another man, but would shrug it off it they slept with another woman. While this can be used to your advantage, it also sucks donkey balls. She’s no less of a person, with no less feelings, because she’s the same gender as you. Give her the respect and consideration you would give any person who loves you and can’t have you; her gender and yours is irrelevant.

Unless, of course, you and your husband are both okay with bringing her into your (that could be singular-your or the two-of-you- your) bed, in which case y’all need to figure out what that means and make sure all three of you are in agreement. Does that mean she’s joining your family and if so, is she a full parent to your kids? Does that mean she’s your girlfriend, and how much time and energy does that entitle her to? Does that mean she’s essentially a human sex toy, to be banished from your lives when not giving you orgasms? Anything goes if everyone agrees, but y’all need to figure out what each of you, as individuals, wants before you can decide if those wants are compatible.

Yeeter funny thing is, I wondered how many people would recognise that song. As for the LTF “having a chance” – not so much. While my husband and I wouldn’t have an issue with another girl as a one time or once in a while thing, neither of us want someone who is or might be emotionally involved. That’s why I am saying I am trying to be more mindful of how I act. I honestly don’t want to lead her on, ya know?

Tully Mars let me know how it works out for ya!

WhyNot – part of my answer to you is above, in response to Yeeter. As for how my marriage works – we are both monogamous. Nothing goes on outside of the two of us, period. If we’re not both there, it’s not okay. As for how deep her feelings are, the thing is that I don’t really want to ask her. I do know that she has had a “crush” on me since high school – she admitted that much. The funny thing is, I don’t flirt/tease her in the thought-process that just because she’s also a girl, she doesn’t count – I just am that type of person. Sadly, I know this about myself and when I notice that I am doing that kind of stuff, I will stop. You have several very valid points, and I guess I probably made it clear enough in my OP that I really don’t want to lead her on or give her a false impression of my desires. She’s cute, and if I were single and knew that she wouldn’t get emotionally attached, she might have a shot. As I am married and my husband is not particularly attracted to her (and obviously, his attraction is important if we bring a third party in), and we are pretty sure she would be emotionally attached…well, you see where I am going here.

Just for the record…while I was standin’ in the shower thinkin’ – I wasn’t pissin’ on myself. Hee Hee!

You know, my standin’ in the shower, thinkin’ isn’t anywhere near as complicated or interesting. But it does seriously play havoc with getting out of the shower while there’s still hot water.

Yep. And so, I suspect, do you. If you care about her at all, even just as a friend, you need to cut out the flirting. If you can’t do that *and *she can’t get over you and find a happy relationship elsewhere, the kinder thing would be to cut out the relationship, sad as that is.

Yeh, this is kind of what I expected to hear. It’s pretty much what I’d already thought of on my own. I think what bothered me and made it become a forethought in my mind is that she has me on her friends list ahead of her own kids. I know it could just be me, but that bugs me. Who puts someone else – someone that they are just friends with – ahead of their own kids? Even on Myspace, donno, just bugged me.

Oh well. I think the thing I will have to do is limit our time together until I feel her out and can be sure that either a) she understands that nothing is going to happen, or b) I need to completely seperate from her. I guess more than anything, I wonder about someone wanting to be friends with the person who put them in the hospital – gods know it was in sefl-defense, but still.

On a lighter note, my skin is very soft. I made the most divine sugar scrub that I used in the shower and I smell good enough to eat, and am softer than a newborn’s booty!

Recipe:

1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp (fresh) espresso
3 tbsp EVOO

keep it in an airtight container & use it to scrub away all that dead skin. Be warned that people will want to lick you (especially if they’re coffee drinkers!).

ADF? Wow, he punched out the department of Alcohol, Dick and Firearms? :eek:

Sure, let’s go with that!

Nekkid chicks showering?
BJs?
Possible girl-on-girl action?
Potential three-some?

All that and the chick’s now coffee-flavored?

This is now my frontrunner for Thread of the Year 2008.

Although you lost me fairly early on, I am curious to know: is it common for gay/bisexual men, when they are surprised to learn that someone else is gay, to punch said person in the face?

It seems an odd reaction to me, but it’s outside of my sphere of knowledge…

To be perfectly honest – that is why I tossed in the question of how do you think you would have reacted – I don’t know if it’s a common reaction. We were all quite shocked at DF’s reaction, and he even admitted to being a bit shocked that he did what he did. It seems it was just one of those rare moments that there is simply no rational thought, fight or flight, ya know? Like because it was so out there for the other guy to say what he did, DF just reacted completely out of character, too? I don’t know. It is something that I wonder about, personally.

Ever since then, it is a running joke in our circles to say “you know, I’ve always loved you.”

ChiefScott – what did you expect from a person whose screen name is Litoris and the title is “standin’ in the shower, thinkin’”? Come for the nudity, stay for the insanity, I always say.

Came for the nudity… stayed for the coffee.

Story of my life.

“You can learn to deal with the disappointment.”

Tris

I sympathize in all earnestness, but how does first story relate to second story?