[QUOTE=Freudian Slit]
Bottoming from the top is sort of a BDSM term. Like, you have someone doing things to you but you’re in control because you’re telling them what to do.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think that is what it means in the OP. I think it means she straddles him on top, but doesn’t have to move–he’s offering to still do all the work, he just wants her to be on top.
[QUOTE=Swampwolf]
Dude.
Sometimes, the p$$$y ain’t worth it.
Ditch the headgames and get out. Vanilla is so 17th century.
[/QUOTE]
This girl’s bag ain’t vanilla. This gives vanilla a bad name. This is, I dunno, cold unsalted pork fat flavor dessert-like product without the fat.
[QUOTE=Ferret Herder]
If it’s not a relationship, that’s probably not a topic of conversation. She needs to get herself sorted out before a relationship, f-w-b action, whatever.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that’s true, but even if you aren’t in a relationship with someone, if you’re having sex and someone doesn’t even want you to touch them…you think you’d say something at some point, no? Even if it’s just, “This isn’t doing it for me…what’s going on with you?”
[QUOTE=OpalCat]
I don’t think that is what it means in the OP. I think it means she straddles him on top, but doesn’t have to move–he’s offering to still do all the work, he just wants her to be on top.
[/QUOTE]
Ah, that makes more sense. I hung out with a BDSM crowd in college my last year and got quite an education–so many vocabulary terms. Sometimes I apply them where they aren’t relevant. Thanks, Opal.
I could be wrong (it’s happened before once or twice), but the vibe I’m getting from the OP is that he’s reaping what fashion magazines, etc. are sowing. His ladyfriend sounds very self-conscious about her body, with a very negative body image. She knows she’s not measuring up to the magazine and music video standards, so why should Forumbot or any other man like the way she looks?
ETA: That’s from her perspective, not that she truly doesn’t measure up.
As long as you keep having sex with her, she’s going to think that what is happening is working for you. You owe it to her to tell her if it isn’t, unless you have and it still didn’t help.
Personally, I’m not going to fuck anyone who wants the lights off, but that’s just me.
Actually, this reminds me tangentially of a strange incident I had with a girl who *faked *being confident and liberated. I know it sounds strange, but I swear it’s true. Actually, this is how it went down: When I first met her, she was totally neurotic about sex. Wouldn’t let me see her naked. Jumped like a turtle into her shell if I got too close. Well, I told her in no uncertain terms that this was not working out. Six months later, she shows up again. Oh boy, talk about personality change. I guess she realized that being all stuck up wasn’t getting her anywhere. Suddenly, everything is dandy. She’s acting perfectly normally sexually, as horny as the next girl, she’s apparently become perfectly confident, everything is sweet bliss. Needless to say, I was shocked, and pleasantly surprised! As time went on, however, the neurotic parts started creeping back in. Firstly, she wouldn’t sleep next to me naked. Had to put her clothes on. Then she had to be under a separate *sheet *in order to sleep. Then, I couldn’t go down on her, as it creeped her out all of a sudden. Next, she didn’t want to go down on me. Next thing, she’s suddenly got this huge hang-up about pubic hair. She needs to be shaved. Even the slightest stubble on her, she gets grossed out, and won’t let me touch her. Most of the time, though, she can’t be bothered to shave, or don’t have the time, or whatever. So, pretty much no sex. Next, no doggy style at all. Apparently, she don’t want me looking at her butthole. “I don’t like you staring at my butthole!” What, you didn’t mind before. Well, fuck, I’ll close my eyes! Or we’ll turn the lights off. Yeah, great idea. You guessed it: no section of the visible part of the electromagnetic spectrum could be in the room with us from then on, and a huge chunk of the infrared was out the window too. What the heck was going on? Turns out, apparently, that now that she’d gotten to *know *me, she *trusted *me, and now she didn’t feel like she needed to *pretend *around me anymore, and so she could relax and be the person she *really *was.
Well, whoop-de-dee. Except that the person she really was was simply the biggest neurotic prude in history. How’s that for ass backwards? Apparently, girls, like cats, can be weird. Well, I hope it works out for her.
Heck, I dunno. Dump the girl, maybe she’ll fake it for a while to get you back. Or maybe not.
I don’t really know the girl all that well. The more I see, though, I see she’s insecure, untrusting, and has a daddy complex. And just generally crazy as hell. I guess that’s what I get for only staring at that sweet, sweet booty.
You know what? Screw what her hot friends think. Back away, not today, disco lady.
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy]
I’d have never guessed this from the OP
[/QUOTE]
Boggles the mind. Girl must read cosmo or something–does that magazine give good advice? It drives me up the wall when a girl wraps her legs around and start biting. That instant I start to think “well, maybe it’s not so bad…” I’m a sucker like that.
Ditch Great Ass (and your dad–seriously, dude, that’s weird) and go for Apple Booty.
And, OP, don’t forget to invest in some quality cookware just in case she leaves you high and dry.
Freudian Slit and I like to play “Good Cop/Bad Cop”. Wait a—hrrmmmmm…
I’d think it takes a bit more than a few issues of Cosmo to produce this result. This is not “self-conscious”. Same thing, but a whole different level. IME, Girls who merely have image issues try to hide their breasts, for example, when they take off their shirt, but once it becomes apparent you’re perfectly happy with them, mellow out.
Perhaps she was traumatized, but then, despite the fact that we should therefore sympathize: she needs to speak up. Or something. Anything, I find it difficult (not impossible, it just requires some effort) to pity somebody who is apparently doing almost nothing to fix what is apparently a fairly serious sexual problem. Try to talk to her openly about it. If she can’t do that, recommend, as nicely as possible, that she at least speak to a counselor. NOT in the context of “the sex is bad” but in the context of “is there something we should talk about in relation to sex” with the emphasis on her happiness.
[QUOTE=Freudian Slit]
Bottoming from the top is sort of a BDSM term. Like, you have someone doing things to you but you’re in control because you’re telling them what to do.
[/QUOTE]
Hmmm… I’ve heard “topping from the bottom,” but not “bottoming from the top.” I guess it would describe several people I know, though.
Time to update next week’s lecture.
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
I don’t really know the girl all that well. The more I see, though, I see she’s insecure, untrusting, and has a daddy complex. And just generally crazy as hell. I guess that’s what I get for only staring at that sweet, sweet booty.
[/QUOTE]
As I have always told all my male friends, do not, under any circumstances, put your penis in a crazy person. It won’t fix them, it will only attach you to them in some terrible way. It doesn’t matter how hot they are, how balanced they seemed, what fake name you gave or how far from home you are on vacation at the time - if you don’t know the person well enough to determine the lack of crazy, refrain from putting your penis in them and that means ANY orifice. It will not end well, it will end shittily.
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka]
As I have always told all my male friends, do not, under any circumstances, put your penis in a crazy person. It won’t fix them, it will only attach you to them in some terrible way. It doesn’t matter how hot they are, how balanced they seemed, what fake name you gave or how far from home you are on vacation at the time - if you don’t know the person well enough to determine the lack of crazy, refrain from putting your penis in them and that means ANY orifice. It will not end well, it will end shittily.
[/QUOTE]
It certainly isn’t universal, but most women seem to have a different interpretation of what it means when a penis goes into a vagina. Normal “non-crazy” women often interpret this - particularly if it occurs over a series of evenings, as a ‘relationship’ - and may even project a ‘future’ on the relationship. Normal non-crazy women often find sex to be secondary, even tertiary, (and possibly even lower on the rung of priorities) to other things in a ‘relationship’ and so, even knowing that you don’t find sex to be the best thing ever, may not understand that statements importance.
Bring in crazy and all bets are off.
[Mooj]
It’s not about fucking and balls and pussy. It’s about love.
It’s about people. It’s about connection.
It’s not about tossing salad. It’s not about cock and ass and tits.
And butthole pleasures.
It’s not about these rusty trombone, and dirty sanchez. It’s not about rainbow showers and camel-toe slide… and your Cincinnati bowtie, your Arabian goggles or the Hot Karl and pearl necklace… or pussy juice cocktails, and the jagged-head dildos, and the double-decker pussies.
[/Mooj]
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka]
do not, under any circumstances, put your penis in a crazy person.
[/QUOTE]
Word. Don’t even try.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
Normal non-crazy women often find sex to be secondary, even tertiary, (and possibly even lower on the rung of priorities) to other things in a ‘relationship’ and so, even knowing that you don’t find sex to be the best thing ever, may not understand that statements importance.
[/QUOTE]
[cynicism]
Well, it’s all about how the market works. Thanks to supply and demand, male sexuality has been devalued to the point of being worthless, while the value on female sexuality has been rising to basically infinity. For women, sex with men therefore is worth less than, say, rocks. Or shit. For a guy dealing with normal women, this usually has the consequences that he’s either a) not getting any, or b) he’s getting some, but only after the girl has finished watching the soaps, doing her nails, and putting forks into her eyes, activities which she value higher than sexual intercourse with him. Now, if you encounter a crazy woman, especially an attractive one, and you are a gullible bastard, this can have horrible consequences. They will put a lesser value on having sex with you than on being able to take this wonderful opportunity to fuck your brain and your life up. They can get *laid *any time. Heck, ten times before breakfast? Sure, whatever. A chance to brainfuck a dude totally, now, that’s still interesting.
[/cynicism]
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It’s not clear this isn’t a relationship? Unless you mean “relationship” in the sense that I have a “relationship” with my dad?
[/QUOTE]
When was the last time you tried to finger your father?
[QUOTE=jjimm]
When was the last time you tried to finger your father?
[/QUOTE]
looks away shamefully
I don’t wanna talk about it. Shutup, you don’t know me. You can’t tell me what to do. YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM
Sounds like Madame Butterfly to me…
[QUOTE=Peak Banana]
When I first met her, she was totally neurotic about sex. Wouldn’t let me see her naked. Jumped like a turtle into her shell if I got too close. Well, I told her in no uncertain terms that this was not working out. Six months later, she shows up again. Oh boy, talk about personality change. I guess she realized that being all stuck up wasn’t getting her anywhere.
[/QUOTE]
You interpret her previous actions as… stuck up? She didn’t like being touched and thought her body was dirty… and that makes her a snob?
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
(I put this in the pit originally, but figured it didn’t have enough vitriol.)
There can’t be a single photon of light within a half a mile of the bedroom. Every time we hook up I have to wait for you to finish playing the “kiss and back away” game, as it it makes me want you more. Honey, the time for hard to get is gone. Way gone. Every minute I spend wondering when you’re going to cut the bullshit, I’m also wondering if that other girl–you know, the one with the applebooty–digs me.
We can’t have sex on the couch–that’s weird. You very rarely take your shirt off. I can’t finger you. I can’t eat you out. You won’t get on top. You won’t even “bottom from the top.” Seriously, just sit there, I’ll still do all the work. Did I actually just hear “hold on, I gotta check people.com?” Blowjob is not a Bond villain.
If you didn’t have such a great ass I’d have been gone the first day. But every day that ass looks a little less nice.
[/QUOTE]
I didn’t know my ex-wife moved to Alabama! It’s all fine with me, though. The further away from me, the better.
[QUOTE=Peak Banana]
[cynicism]
Well, it’s all about how the market works. Thanks to supply and demand, male sexuality has been devalued to the point of being worthless, while the value on female sexuality has been rising to basically infinity. For women, sex with men therefore is worth less than, say, rocks. Or shit. For a guy dealing with normal women, this usually has the consequences that he’s either a) not getting any, or b) he’s getting some, but only after the girl has finished watching the soaps, doing her nails, and putting forks into her eyes, activities which she value higher than sexual intercourse with him. Now, if you encounter a crazy woman, especially an attractive one, and you are a gullible bastard, this can have horrible consequences. They will put a lesser value on having sex with you than on being able to take this wonderful opportunity to fuck your brain and your life up. They can get *laid *any time. Heck, ten times before breakfast? Sure, whatever. A chance to brainfuck a dude totally, now, that’s still interesting.
[/cynicism]
[/QUOTE]
I have to say, applying free-market economics to sexuality is a novel concept, and this makes a surprising amount of sense. Now I don’t just want sex, I want socialist sex! Share and share alike! Viva la revolucion!