grupies, or groupies, or psychotic fans.
I will admit, those minions did smell pretty damn good. And all this time I was under the mistaken impression that villains didn’t bathe. My apologies.
Look, baloo, this is serious business.
And if you’re just trying to get me intoxicated and my stomach full and my attention on some dancing girls so one of those guys over there in the darkness can just come and wallop me, it’s not gonna work.
Besides, I’m gonna go take a nap anyway in order to re-energize my villain vanquishing abilities.
And baloo, you should seriously consider being a good guy, I heard Cecil was gonna join up.
Dispite the logic error in that statement, it acttually seems to be effective. The stench drove my minions to the showers. Even the ones without noses. Impressive.
:Presses a button, Steeljaw is sprayed with Troll-be-gone.:
son of a bitch!
steel wakes up from nap
:stretches:
groggily looks down and scratches himself
realizes there is a hole in his torso
upon closer inspection, notices liver is missing
wonders to himself if that’s normal
makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Why have dancing girls when you have the ever-lovely Feelyat? :oD I do have a little evil in me though! Bwahahahahaaaaa!!!
is that your superpower?
We need more people like you in our organization.
How much will you pay me to join?
unlimited credit and shuttle to the mall.
Well, I’ll get back to you when the evil villains contact me. I need to make this decision very carefully. I’m thinking if you drive, since you’re so foxy, my decision would be obvious. ;o)I may just start hitting on a villain though. That crazed look they all have is so irresistable.
you remember my superpower, right?
i have the ability to raise one eyebrow, completely independent of the other, giving me a villainous appearance.
i’m the best of both worlds baby!
Recruitment is down. We’ve only added a couple members in the last few days. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
I didn’t want to do this, but it seems as if I have no choice. I have a secret. I am the lovechild of Bill Gates and Ivana Trump. So, as you can imagine, I get a pretty hefty “royalty” check in the mail each month. Lotsa zeros… and a few nonzero integers as well.
I was gonna try to start up this organization and take out the horde of evil villains using pure methods. Recruiting members because they want to do something more with their life…contribute to the greater good of man kind if you will. That apparently was a fantasy. It turns out that nobody is nice just to be nice anymore. Even the good guys have ulterior motives (as if the groupies weren’t enough)
Well, it’s come down to money. And I’m swimming in the stuff. For each superhero that joins the SHO I am prepared to offer you for starters, a 5,000 square foot house in a very nice gated community in an undisclosed location. The community has a golf course and numerous other recreational facilities for your entertainment, as well as a park for the kiddies. If I were to reveal the location, I am afraid that the influx of evil villains crossing over to superheroes just to live in the complex would be more than the organization could handle. We are expanding, however. On top of the nice home (with free weekly cleaning, landscaping, satellite tv with local channels and all the premium ones too), this organization offers a nice health plan (much better than that of the supervillains) that includes dental and vision as well. Each hero will recieve a company car of their choice and that means that gas mileage can be written off. With gas prices the way they are, that should be enough…but wait there’s more. The first three hundred people to take part in this great offer will also receive this ginsu knife set valued at $99.95. See…it’s amazing…it cuts right through this hammer.
If you have any other requests or have any questions, please contact me. This isn’t final, people, I’m open to negotiation. I have pretty impressive financial backing, and there isn’t much I would refuse in order to get you into one of those dazzling outfits we superheroes look so good in.
Oh, and by the way, if this doesn’t work, I’m reinstating the draft. And it won’t be so easy to dodge this time around.
Sincerely,
steeljawI joined without the bribe … I’m not only good, I’m very good … 
If you revealed the location of said homes and all villians crossed over then wouldn’t you have accomplished your heroic goal? No more villians!
However, we all know the easy way to rid the world of villianous villians is just not the superhero way! (no sequels and all, don’t you know.)
So I’m still here … I’m cheap as well as new, Blind and whatever else I said before. Only now I have this …! *whips out Personal Interdimentional Leaping & Off’ing Contrivance (PILOC for short). With this little baby we’ll be invinceable … !
So here’s something I don’t often say to men … Use Me!! No need to pay me!! But as long as you’re offering … got any homes near a lake? I’d like that … thanks luv.
Tah!
BlindFaithe, why follow the deluded antics of a madman when you can follow the well-defined antics of several? As an evil villain you would be able to have not just a nice summer home, but a whole country all your own! On your choice of land masses! Well, except for Antarctica, I’ve got some plans for those darned penguins. (make me feel underdressed will they…)
So there you go. We have a fresh opening for Doomed Underworld Vanquisher Level III. If you take this, you might be Level II by the end of the year!
Our benefits package is quite impressive, but you’d have to come see our Dark Overlord Of HR someday to get the full spiel.
Hey, inoci, be careful. Haven’t you ever seen the movie *Blue Chips[/]? What you are doing is highly illegal. When I do it, it’s OK, but when you do it…well, like I said…illegal.
Blind, no need to listen to his madman ravings. As you have obviously deducted using your keen intellect, these villains aren’t ever gonna take over the world. So how are they going to give you a country? You see, empty promises, nothing more than lip service and empty promises.
I’ve already considered the situations of those of you that joined for pure reasons, and I have come to the conclusion that it would be unfair if I didn’t taint you with monetary rewards as well. So, blind, the house on the lake is yours. In fact, you can run out and hire an architect (on the SHO’s dime, of course) and design a house to put on any lot in the complex. And let’s not forget about the rows and rows of Harley’s that I procured just for you. No need to say thanks, the look on your face is enough.
inoci, if you ever come back to our headquarters again…er…well, I’m sure we’ll have guards and booby traps and stuff by then, so enter at your own risk. We claim no responsibility for anything that happens to you or any of your fiendish cohorts on these premises.
umm… we are villains…
duh.
Poor BlindFaith, you are appropriately named. It will be your downfall. BUWAAHAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!
inoci, I have some spare ape parts hanging around from when I constructed the oragoraffe. I was thinking of trying my hand next at a pengutan. Can I get some penguins from you? Preferably Emperors.
And jabberjaw? Your cape is showing. Made you look!
Sure. I mean, if there are any penguin parts left. My plans hinge on a single factor. On the one hadn ,all penguins ever will be erased from existence, on the other they will multiply a hundredfold. Wierd how these plans work, huh? Perhaps we should not be discussing this at our opponents’ HQ, eh?
Throw in a pool and a health club membership, and I’m in. I don’t need the car.
(And yes, I registered my name before I saw this thread.)
My, my, my. You’ve been busy. I’ll have to stop that. Your lakeside community has been located; and even as I speak it is being destroyed by my evil powers. And you want to fight with money?
HEH-HEH-HEH. HEH-HEH-HEH. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
FOOL! Long ago, in the time of your species’s prehistory, I first came to this world. I shared an invention your your ancestors, and I have garnered rich royalties in the untold millenia since. Coupled with wise investments and manipulation of your economic systems, I have amased an unimaginable fortune: for I hold the patent on Paper.