I’m showing my age, but for me “taboo sex” makes me recall the days when it meant pre-marital sex, or even oral sex within marriage. 
Therapists are nothing but killjoys. Don’t drink, don’t do drugs, don’t have risky sex…
Good move, there’s really no down side to that route.
Yes there is. Now we have to wait longer for the explicitly detailed recap
Yes, incest. I meant “incest”. You’re very perceptive. I’m fucking my sister. 
Hey, he asked for opinions and got them. So what we people supposed to do just go along?
As many others have said, I’d call this swinging. That said, I am curious if the other couple is experienced in swinging or just experimenting like you are.
Two couples could, umm, mix in several ways: each (new) couple could retire to a separate bedroom, two beds in one room (hotels seem MADE for this configuration) or everyone on one bed having fun together. Most people like to see what is going on with their usual partner during the party so the last two are more popular.
Recreational sex is a difficult concept for many people, and even those who think they are ready can experience difficulties in sorting out their feelings before, during, and afterwards. Sex is something that engenders a profound emotional response.
Actually I am guessing this is purely by lust.
Not that that is a bad thing.
I haven’t ever been in an ‘open’ relationship and I’m not looking for one myself, but I would suspect that this is really the best advice in the entire thread.
My guess is that in order for people to have successful poly or open relationships, that communication, openness and honesty have got to be even more critical than with monogamous relationships because there isn’t a default to fall back on.
This is the only part of your otherwise excellent post that I disagree with.
IMHO as someone with serious issues (which is another reason I would never consider an open or swinging relationship, I couldn’t handle it even if I were to want that) I could be having excellent therapy, but the timing could be wrong.
For someone with BPD, I would really want to make sure that they had been in therapy for a while and really stable.
Your advice is actually the logical fallacy of the the excluded middle or false dilemma. Taking caution about into a swinging relationship is not “walking on eggshells.” Healthy people should be careful about large changes such as this and those with potential severe emotional reactions need to be extra careful.
sigh As I’ve said now several times, I never asked for the opinions of any and everyone. I asked those with first hand experience to chime in. **Specifically ** to avoid the kind of ignorant crap I got from you. I cannot even imagine wanting a person’s advice less than I want yours here.
But, I cant stop anyone from posting whatever thoughts they have on the matter, however ill-informed. But please don’t think for one second that i asked for your opinion, or that of any other person posting to this thread with no actual experience in the matter. Of course anyone can reply but I specifically asked for a certain group of people to reply. Please don’t mischaracterize my words, especially just to justify some smug remark. Sorry but you wear thin on me.
You know absolutely nothing about my relationship or the motives we have for our behavior. So, yeah, thanks for your guess.
You, one presumes, are aware of your motives. Or, at least, I hope that you are. If you’re not, phone me immediately.**
You need to decide for yourselves exactly what this is for the two of you. If it’s a one-time-thing, great. If you’re hoping for a long-term situation, great. But, have some sense of purpose at the start.
You may get the sense that you are trying to herd cats or that too much talking will get in the way of the fantasy. But, as I said before, the homosexual community does this sort of communication routinely. It can take just a minute or two and it’s absolutely worth it. One nice fellow told me that, “If you’re not comfortable having a 5 minute conversation with someone on a sensitive subject, you certainly don’t want to get naked with him.”
** That’s a joke, son. But, seriously, phone me immediately.
Not really, no, since the negative answers seemed to the most part prejudicied, based on unwarranted assumptions. Apart from those refering to the OP’s gf bipolar disorder, most seemed to be “that’s obviously a bad idea that will lead to bad outcomes, why would you even consider doing so instead of having a nice monogamous sex life, as honest people do”.
More a serie of normative answers than anything worthy of thought and consideration IMO. YMMV.
I must have missed those posts. Most of what I’ve seen have recommended caution, not abstinence.
Also, she has Borderline Personality Disorder, not bipolar.
One of the obvious landmines here is having an unanticipatedly negative reaction to seeing another guy plowing your gf. You may think you’re cool with it but as you probably know, these emotional responses can come out of nowhere.
Of course, you may also find it really hot. And you won’t know until you try it. So go for it, but be mentally prepared in case the green-eyed monster decides to make it a fivesome.
Have you considered starting this adventure as two couples who are having sex with their own partner at the same time in the same room? I’ve seen videos like this. I guess it’s like a foursome, but with no couple mixing.
As far as swinging goes, I would be concerned that the other couple was having more or less fun than I was. Maybe the other two just aren’t getting it on?
Their relationship is already open, so closing the relationship would actually be a much larger change than continuing with what they’re doing, your idea of ‘taking caution’ would mean they stop doing something that has been working fine for them. You’re engaging in the fallacy of assuming that all relationships start as basic vanilla mono and that anything that’s not in the ‘standard package’ is high-risk and a large change, but Ambivald has stated that they already have an open relationship - which means the large change would actually be closing the relationship. If you start off with a non-standard relationship type, trying to turn it into whatever you think is ‘standard’ is itself a big change and significantly risky. Also viewing mono relationships as normal and non-risky is not rational either, especially when dealing with a person with BPD.
Specific to this situation, BPD turns ALL emotional responses up to eleven. Anything can prompt a gigantic uncontrolled emotional explosion, and it’s the same extremely intense, relationship-risking fight whether the explosion is about eating a sandwich or breaking a major agreement. You can be just hanging out, the pwBPD starts asking you what’s wrong, you honestly say ‘nothing’s wrong’, so they keep pressing you about what’s wrong for hours, then you get annoyed at them constantly asking you questions with the implication that you’re lying, then they use the fact that you’re annoyed with their questions as proof that something was wrong in the beginning, and they’re off to the crying and/or screaming. If you’re going to be around someone with BPD, you CANNOT base your decisions on ‘I can’t do this, it might prompt them to have an emotional reaction’, because ANYTHING can can do that, so once you start down the path of being cautious you end up walking on eggshells about every single thing (and still don’t avoid giant blowups).
Been there, done that, was fun.
Yes this is good advice. I’ve pondered it myself considerably. While I never will know until I try, right now I cant imagine getting jealous. But it is a possibility, so ill keep it in the forefront of my thoughts.
QFT.
We’ve thought about it.