Renault have designed a new family car. It’s so big you can’t even see the kids in the back.
They’ve called it the McCann.
A ship carrying 500 black slaves, the guards and one white guy, wrecks on rocks near the american coast. The guards die on impact, but the slaves and the white guy survive. The black slaves start to roam the coast looking for food and help whilst the white guy lazily follows behind. Soon the first black slave stumbles on something shiny, he picks it up and brushes off the dirt and gives it a rub.
A genie pops out and clearly states “I am the genie of the lamp and I will grant you each one wish”.
The black slave can’t belive his luck, he ponders for a second then says clearly to the genie, “I don’t want to be a black slave, if I’m white I can be free and make my own life, so genie I want to be white”. Granted. The black slave is now a white guy, with smart clothes and cash in a wallet.
The second white guy in line can see that this is a fantastic idea, so he too wishes to be white. Eventually all the black slaves hear of this lamp and queue to get their wish, slave after slave magically appears as a wealthy white guy and so it continues until only the lazy white guy at the back is left whithout a wish.
He approaches the genie, pissing himself laughing. The genie says "what do you find so funny ? The white guy replies
I wish they’re all black again"
I am deeply offended!
The OP specifically asked for ‘tasteless’ jokes and yet at least two of those hillbilly jokes mention a flavor! SHAME on you people!
What’s next? “Why don’t sharks eat clowns?”
I remember when Gene Pitney died, his family were advised that it would take 3 days to make a coffin out of oak, but only 24 hours from balsa.
Lunt, actually, no “d”, which makes it even better. When I moved here, the only way I could remember the order of the streets was my privately invented mnemonic “If you’re being Chased by Two Testes, keep the Green leaf over the Cunt!” (North to South - Chase, Touhy, Estes, Greenleaf, Lunt) Google map.
And, less hijacky:
There’s a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, “I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?”
“Why don’t you squat down on the floor and do it” says the boyfriend. “You’ll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you.”
“OK” she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, “Urgh! Have you changed your sex?”
“No” she says “I’ve changed my mind… I’m having a shit instead.”
Sheesh, all these racist jokes. That’s in really poor taste.
How horrible would it be for me to inquire as to how to get an Italian girl pregnant?
Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest?
Three gay guys have just finished up a sexual encounter. They decide to spend some post-coital time in the hot tub. Suddenly this huge glob of cum rises to the surface. One guy says “OK, who farted?”
What’s the difference between a dead hooker and a new Cadillac?
I don’t have a new Cadillac in my garage.
Kinda out of date but i’ll give it a go----
St. Patrick decides to have a party for all the Irish in heaven. He arranges to have lots of food for the big day. On the day St. Patrick cancels the party. “I’m sorry I had to cancel the party,” he says “but Bobby Sands ate all the effin’ sandwiches”.
What were Christa McAuliffe’s final words to her class?
“You feed the hamsters and I’ll feed the fish.”
How did the authorities know that Vic Morrow had dandruff?
They found his Head & Shoulders in the bushes.
Funny, I was about to tell the same joke about Christa McAuliffe.
Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
She moaned with the other.
How did Helen Keller burn her face?
By answering the iron.
I’m actually ashamed of perpetuating this joke. I met Vic Morrow on Father’s Day 1982 on a flight to LA (about a month before the accident); he was real nice and gave me an autograph as well. RIP Vic.
My all-time favorite:
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
“You gonna eat that?”
Why did she burn the other side of her face?
-He called back.
Q: What is the last thing Jesus said to the Mexicans?
A: Don’t do anything until I get back.
Nice!
How did she burn her fingers?
By trying to read the waffle iron.
Not really tasteless:
Q: Why can’t Helen Keller have babies?
A: Because she’s dead
Tasteless:
Q: Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she’s a woman
Extraordinarily tasteless:
Q: What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A: An erection
Q: What’s the biggest difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombing?
A: Foreigners once again prove they can do it better and more efficiently.
(Compliments of hate@911wasfunny.com)
What did they find at Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy?
Jimmy Hoffa.
Rest in Pieces?