What did they find in Dahmer’s cookie jar?
Lady fingers.
What did Dahmer do after he dumped his boyfriend?Wiped his ass.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her when she was bad?They rearranged the furniture.And if she was REALLY bad?They left the plunger in the toilet.
Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked her. “Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy.” A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked. “Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong.” They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked her. “It was thalidomide,” she said, “I just can’t get the arms right on this sweater!”
A young lady in Boston went to see her doctor. He had her disrobe, and he noticed an H tattooed on her chest. “What’s that H for?”, he asked.
She replied “My boyfriend attends Harvard. When we have sex, he can see the H, so he gets filled with school spirit and then the sex is fantastic.”
A few days later another young lady went to see the same doctor. She had a B tattooed on her chest. The doctor asked her what is was for. “My boyfriend attends Berklee College. When we have sex, he can see the B, so he gets filled with school spirit and then the sex is fantastic.”
A few days after that yet another young lady went to the doctor. She had an M on her chest. “Don’t tell me”, said the doctor. “Your boyfriend goes to MIT, right?”
“No”, she said. “I don’t have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend. She goes to Wellesley.”
What do you do when you’re done raping Helen Keller?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.
Helen Kellers favourite colour?
Corduroy.
What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II.
The pope died a virgin
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. “Well, once I looked at a man’s penis,” she
said.
“Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,” Peter
told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. “Well, once I held
a man’s penis,” she replied.
“Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven,” he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her,
“Why did you push ahead in line?”
She said, “Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!”
Excellent. I was hoping someone would post that. I didn’t feel like typing it all out, but it’s one of my favorites.
What’s the definition of the perfect woman?
She’s tree feet tall, she has no teeth, and there’s a flat spot on the top of her head where you can set your beer.
You forgot handlebars for ears.
Police divers thought they recently found a body part from the black astronaut that died in the Challenger explosion.
Turned out to be an old radiator hose.
How did Helen Keller burn the right side of her face?
Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?
You would too if you were called Maaaauurgghae
What’s the worst part about having sex with a six year old?
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.
What’s the best part about having sex with a 9 year old girl?
Turning her over and pretending she’s a 9 year old boy.
What did the black kid get for his birthday?
Your bike.
What did the mexican say to the guy stealing his cheese?
Hey, that is cheese which does not belong to you!
I live on a different continent, and that’s OK, and I get most Yank jokes but WTF is this? Please?
Nacho cheese!
What has seven arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
And she owns a liquor store.
Totally baffalled by this one. Help please.
EDIT: Google is my friend. Sorry.
What kind of wood doesn’t float?
Natalie
What was the temperature in John Wayne Gacy’s house?
28 below
You know, the last time we had one of these that I was involved in, **Skip Magic ** closed it on the basis of decency.